Late, Early, and an Abrupt Stop

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I am late in updating the blog.  Many good reasons, some to come.

I am early in the day as I write, compared to normal.  Again, a good reason.  Thunderstorms are rolling in soon, and my techy things will be unplugged.

And the abrupt stop came about this afternoon...

(I don't have any new pics today, but will stick in a few older things here and there.)

Last week was one of the hardest and craziest I've been through, and I am so glad it's over.  Worship on Sunday morning filled me with hope, and the storm clouds were washed from my eyes and heart so I could clearly see again.  

And breathe.  

Enough on that.

2010

Last Monday Rob began the fourth cycle of chemotherapy, with hopes of going another three months before having to take a break.  He knows that the cancer will grow during the break times, which is why he wanted to just keep attacking it as long as he could.

He tolerated the treatment like the fighter he is, and spent much of the treatment, and week, sleeping and taking pain meds.  He's moving a bit slower, and doesn't have too much to say most days, but he stays in touch with all of his friends on Facebook, and they keep him going strong, and keep a smile on his face and in his heart.

Today we went to the hospital for his second treatment of chemo.  He takes three pre-chemo drugs/IV's, then the actual chemo drug.  Well, he was almost through the third pre-drug, when the nurse came in and handed him the phone, saying his oncologist would be calling any moment... and the chemo was cancelled.

2011

It seems both of Rob's liver numbers are high.  Not just high.  But HIGH.  One is over five times the normal high level, and the other is just over eight times the normal high level.  She told Rob that if he took the chemo drug, he could go into liver failure.

So, Rob agreed with her that he will rest for the next few weeks, and we will revisit with his oncologist on May 12th to re-check the bloodwork and see where to go from there.

He was pretty quiet on the way out of the hospital today, and is feeling a bit down about having to stop already after only one treatment in this fourth cycle.  But we both know that things happen for a reason, and whether we understand everything fully or not, that's okay with us.

He came home and went to sleep, and is sleeping still.  He doesn't look well and he doesn't feel well, but he is still big and strong and still has lots of fight inside.  He just needs a little rest time, that's all.  

And that's okay.

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The weather has started to even out in a good Spring way.  

Lots of sunny coat-free days and nice, nice breezes.  

The kind you stand in with your eyes closed as the bad all wisps away from you... inside and out.  

I like  --  no, I need those days.  More of them.

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I have found myself reflecting quietly a lot, in between hysterical outbursts when everything keeps going wrong.  But those quiet times are holding me together.  I told my daughter that at times I just feel a constant humming, keeping me from frazzling apart.  I am lost in thoughts... mostly mindless ones, but deep ones, too.  I find it's best most days to just keep my mouth closed and keep my hands busy and let my mind run free.  
God is working on me, molding me...  

For what, I don't know.  

But it's going to be good.  :)

So unless something drastic changes before May 12th, I won't be seen or heard from too much.  

I am escaping to nowhere for awhile.

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I am so thankful for you... for you all.  I have felt your prayers wrap around us, I have heard and read your encouraging words, I listen to music that captures my soul, and I rest in His arms, secure.

Thank you ♥ 


In Love and Truly Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥

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On Your Mark, Get Set...

Greetings!

So much to fill in since we last spoke. :)

We welcomed Spring, and welcomed a freak snowstorm.  So I set up our balcony belongings shortly thereafter, and so far, no more snow.  
I like to think I helped.  ;)

 

Easter was spent with family...  
Rob's sister Holly joined me and most of my family for church service, where Izzy danced in praise to God... so nice!  Then we went to Mike and Colie's home and laughed and spent time in fellowship as we shared a homemade brunch of French toast and bacon.  Later in the day, I joined with my immediate family at my sister's home where enjoyed more time with those that were able to come.

Izzy is in blue in the front toward the left... this was beautiful :)

Rob was not up to joining us for any of the day as he was not feeling the best, and wanted to stay home to rest and sleep.  But he gave us his blessings to attend the celebrations with his best to all.  We spent the afternoon together, and later evening together as he dozed on the couch.  I did notice when I got home that there was less Easter candy than what the Bunny brought for him that morning...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rob had his CT on March 30th, and we were quietly on edge waiting until we saw his oncologist, Dr. B, Tuesday.  We had received the results a few days prior, and were waiting to talk with her about what it all meant, and what to do from here.

The barrage of chemo treatments seemed to help, as the cancerous lymph nodes and masses did shrink  --  not a lot, but at least they didn't continue to grow, and that's what she was hoping for. 

Last Saturday night, Rob's lower legs, ankles, and feet were very swollen, and I was on the phone with the on-call oncologist right away.  Long story short, I got home about 10pm after driving an hour round trip to a 24-hour pharmacy to get some Lasix to take the swelling down until we got in to see Dr. B Tuesday.  

These are the decisions that were made at the appointment yesterday:

• Rob chose to continue with a fourth cycle of chemo (3 months) to try to continue to shrink the cancer.  Dr. B, although she initially wanted to give him a "chemo holiday," went along with Rob's wishes since his blood count numbers are holding up well enough to continue.  I'm a little worried about the toll it will take on him due to his current condition, but it's what he wants.  So he will start up again this coming Monday.
• Dr. B wrote an order for a venus doppler on both his legs for today (Wednesday) to rule out a blood clot, since though the swelling in his lower legs was down, it was still not gone.  So we spent most of the late afternoon at Beaumont getting the ultrasound done.  We left with a big smile on Rob's face after bring told there were NO blood clots!  PTL!  We'll have to talk with her again to get more meds if the swelling doesn't disappear.
• This time, Rob will have 3 weeks of chemo, and one week of rest, for the next three months.  Hopefully it will take a lesser toll on him  --  with the week break here and there  --  considering where he's starting from this time around.
• We will see Dr. B again in 4 weeks so she can keep a close eye on him.

 

Rob doesn't want me taking pictures of him right now, as he keeps saying he just sees "death".  I don't like hearing that.  He thinks the death jokes are funny, so we go with it.  He did approve this picture... it was not against his will.  ;)

As for me?  
I am finally over my sickness... it lasted 19 days!  However, I have been breaking out in hives for the last week.  Not sure if it's my body cleansing from the illness, or the stress trying to get out.  :)

I am missing a lot of work, and spending free time with Nicole or hiding out in my quilt room.  There is a lot of quiet time, with my Riley-boy by my side.  He is still getting in trouble, but he's so cute it's hard to stay angry.  The world is still big and new to him, having only been in it for just over 8 months now... and there is so much to explore!  He's a big boy, over 52 pounds so far, and though he's a bit wild around others, he is a gentle boy with his Mom, and knows how to play my heartstrings.  

And I just love his expressions, and I love his ears.

His dog bed is rarely FLAT on the floor... he wrestles with it!

I find I surround myself with old movies, music, and lots of quiet as I float through these days.  I get lost in daydreams.  Time is disappearing.  

I've been stressing about so much, though I know I shouldn't.  I don't mean to do it... it's just there.  Things pop into my head, like whether to renew our lease or not, but I have been set straight by family not to fret about those things right now... It's a small worry in the big picture of life.  So as hard as it is for me, I have let that go, and will stop looking for somewhere else to land.  

It's really hard to keep my ducks in a row when I don't know which pond they're on.

Well, we are due for severe storms tomorrow (Thursday) evening.  I don't like that.  They always bring back thoughts of the tornado of 1976 I went through.  Took many years to get over those memories.  Of course these storms are due to hit in the dark hours when we can't see them coming...  We'll just hear them, and feel them, but not know what's actually coming at us.

Isn't that how life is sometimes?  
You can't always see what's coming.  That's where TRUST comes into play... believing, having faith.   

I think these storms are trying to remind me of some things I shouldn't let fear take away. 

(Deep breath.  In and out.  Over and over.  Thank you, dear Lord.  Yes, I'm listening...)

No matter what, it's going to be okay.  No matter what. 

This I know.


In Love and Peace,

Cheri  ♥