Not According to Plan

Well, things have not gone exactly according to plan with the start of Rob's 5th cycle of chemo.

He was scheduled for three weeks on, one week off for 4-6 months, starting in September.   Rob's beginning blood work was already showing low red blood count levels in several areas before the chemo even started, but we got an "all clear" to get started.  The first three weeks ran rather smoothly... he seemed to feel the side effects much quicker this time, though.  The really bad headaches have returned, and the much slower jump in his step. 

Then things started to really change.

Rob started to run a fever, bouncing between 101-102.6 degrees.  We were trying to keep an eye on it, and his oncologist, Dr. B, was in high gear wanting to figure out what was happening.  A few days later, Rob came up to me in the evening and said, "Listen..." as he exhaled and we heard "gurgling" sounds of liquid in his lungs.  So we packed up and headed for the ER.

It was a busy ER night... I even had to park in the overflow lot.  But within 5 minutes they had Rob in the back, surrounded by 6-7 doctors poking, prodding, questioning...  it was awesome!!!  (I love Beaumont!)  They don't mess around with chemo patients, especially when it turns out to be pneumonia.  So Rob was admitted and had a 3-day stay as they ran a myriad of tests on him.  They pumped him full of IV antibiotics (the "big guns" as they referred to them), and sent him home with another 7 days worth of pills.  

However, the fever continued to come and go.  So we were then sent from Dr. B, who cancelled Rob's chemo last week, to an infectious disease specialist.  And it seems after all this running and testing and expense, we still don't have a definitive answer.  But at the present time, the fevers are at bay, and he was finally able to resume chemo this past Monday.  We're awaiting a few follow up tests still... impatiently.

I gave Rob a haircut at the hospital so he would no longer resemble a mad scientist... his hair had grown pretty long during his chemo vacation!  We're seeing less and less of the hair once again, but we expected that.

Rob will have chemo again next week (hopefully), see Dr. B the following week, then we'll resume the 3-on-1-off routine, God willing and the creek don't rise. 

Rob is, as always, in good spirits, and loves sharing his time and talents with his musical and film-loving mates in the cyber world.  Glad he's got that to keep him happy.  Plus, we discovered several new channels on cable filled with the old TV shows and old movies he loves so much.  The past fills his present with good. :)

Me?  I have been working lots and running lots and making phone calls lots...  Lots of lots.  I'm so tired.  I sit down at home after work to get things done, and continue to fall asleep in an instant.  Ink trails on anything paper-related are a norm nowadays.  

I had the cardiac loop recorder removed from my chest wall in September so I wouldn't have that added expense after the first of the year and new insurance deductibles.  I was told what to watch for, and other than having a few little "runs" of beats, I'm cool. :)  Glad to be done with that.

Stresses at work continue, but I imagine it's like that for all of us that have to be out there where we don't fit.  It will all work out.  I am making sure to get to church every Sunday morning, and to a new women's Bible study on Thursdays which I love, and another study on Sunday evenings that I love, too.  People are always asking me where I get my strength from...  I just point up and smile.

It's funny, this life we're in.  I have a lot of quiet time at home.  I stay to myself in my sanctuary filled with pictures and fabrics and ideas and peace and piles.  I talk with God quite often.  I ask Him how I got here, and why I'm here, and what it is I'm supposed to be learning through these years I'm in.

Sometimes I hear Him in my heart.  He spends a lot of time there, because He has to keep putting it back together for me.  I'm hearing Him tell me that things will all be good, but in His time, not in mine.  And that He's working out all the details.  And in the meantime, He's just going to keep holding me and guiding me, and telling me that I am strong and loved and worth it, regardless of how I feel some days.  He lets me whine and complain ever so quietly as tears roll down my face out of the deep, and let's me question the heartache and dashed hopes and dreams until I'm empty.  Then He fills me with His love and peace and truth through His Word, through sermons, through studies, and in my heart.

And I'm strong enough for another day, energized for whatever mountain lies ahead that needs climbing, or branches that need pruning, or fires that need to be extinguished for good.  He fills me with hope and peace that I can pass on, and gives me a heart for listening and caring.

My someday will come.  It's being planned by the Almighty Himself.  How awesome is that?!?

In the meantime, I am hoping to get in a few peace-filled drives in the country to see the colors He's painted in the trees during this favorite season of mine.  I am loving the cooler temps, especially at night.  Wishing I had a place to go walking safely under the stars when I'm up in the wee hours... but in my mind will do for now.

I will be back to update as things progress, and will be praying for each and every one of you that reads these rambling words of mine.  

And thanking you so very much for the prayers that give my days light.

In Love and in Peace,


Cheri ♥



*Some photos are ours... some free art online.  Enjoy them all. :)

"Finnegan, Begin Again" -- Cycle 5...

Well, we knew this day would jump out at us, the monster that it is.

We went to see Rob's oncologist (Dr. B) this morning after having another CT done earlier this month.

Rob will be starting Cycle 5 of chemo treatments starting next week, for 4-6 months (3 weeks on chemo, 1 week off each month).  On the off weeks, we will be checking in with Dr. B. 

If you remember, his chemo was stopped abruptly in late Spring of 2015 because his liver was about to shut down.  His liver numbers are much better now.  
So on we go.

Rob has had quite a nice chemo vacation since then, not having to constantly be poked and prodded and zapped and poisoned.  Though the head pain, confusion, and personality changes have remained, at least he's been home and able to rest when he needed to.  We are praying that he is strong enough to handle the chemo again for as long as he can.  We are armed with the Sword and the Word and the Son and your prayers... we can do nothing more.

Dr. B's main concerns for wanting to start as soon as possible this time:

1.  The cancer has "multiple increases" as she put it

2.  There is now evidence of thickening (stranding).

3.  Enlarged lymph nodes are causing pain when touched.

4.  There is internal swelling.

5.  There is "free fluid" in the abdomen.

Rob is handling the news well.  Says he's up for the fight.  

The war rages on...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am excited to have had a couple of weather-day glimpses of Autumn!  August is just about done, and the hot, hazy, lazy days of summer can go to rest.  Bring on the Winnie-the-Pooh days of blustery blowing leaves and swift cool breezes, and crunchy walks through the woods while bundled in sweaters.  THAT is something that will always bring a smile to my heart.  My Autumn days. :)

Not sure if I mentioned that I have had a cardiac monitor inside my chest since last November or not...  blackouts, etc... but I'm having surgery to remove it in a week or so.  I want it out, I want no more expenses from it.  I am tired of doctors on all fronts.  I think I just need a really long vacation.  Really long, and really far away.  One I may stay on. :)

A coworker and I were talking on Saturday, and I looked at her and said, "Have you ever felt like packing up your things and just leaving?  Going somewhere new where you don't know anyone, and just starting over?"  I was glad to know I wasn't alone in this daydream of mine.  Guess I best get lost in my art.  
"My soul is fed, by needle and thread." :)

Well, I'm off to eat a quick and late dinner, and try to read a bit before going to bed early.  Really trying to get more sleep and take better care of me.  I read and watch old movies and listen to beautiful, mostly contemporary Christian music.  Some days, at least for a little while, life seems normal.



One thing I want to share with you, though, is that through all that is going on, as busy and as crazy and as rushed as this life gets, I AM filled with a peace that is beyond understanding.  Because God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and He uses all things for good.  It's true!  I read it in the Bible every day.  Someday He will give me that really long vacation, and someday it will all make sense.  Or maybe it won't.  That's okay.
 
We learn best, and grow closest to God, when we're in our valleys, not while we teeter on the mountain tops.  These valley years have brought me so much closer to God, and I am blessed and grateful beyond measure.  Every single day.

I'm good with all He's got for me.

In Love and In Peace and Ever Thankful...

Cheri ♥

 *All photos in today's blog are stock photos.