Quick Check In

Hello.  I'm popping in for a quick update. :)

I thank you for your kindness in respecting our absence, even though I know how you want to be updated on Rob.  We've just been in that holding period between surgeries/chemo treatments, and starting back up the long process of looking for things we're hoping not to find.

Yes.  We've kind of been hiding.  And it's okay, because we needed to.

We've had a few little spurts of cooler weather, letting us know that Autumn is on it's way.  I have mixed feelings for the first time ever, of summer coming to an end.  I am not a big fan of summer at all... way too much heat for me!  But this year it also means that our time of being free of the medical world is winding down.  We have appointments set in September, October, November, and December with the surgeon, the oncologist, and different CT scans...  All looking for something.  Something.  That ugly something we've pushed out of our minds for the days of heat and humidity.  Reality is returning. 
 
When we last saw Rob's surgeon/urologist, he said that the cancer generally reappears within 1-2 years of the surgery.  That's why they'll be searching high and low, which we understand, and which we accept.  And we'll just keep taking it one day at a time, having faith no matter what, and staying positive.

Rob - Yate's Cider Mill, Autumn 2012

Rob is doing pretty well!  He really enjoys conversing with friends (old and new) on facebook, sparring back and forth, testing each other's wits on everything from music to cartoons to films to serious topics.  He is still sleeping quite a bit, sometimes napping after being up for a while, usually always after showering, and always for 2-3 hours in the afternoon.  He gets out of the house now and again, but he tires very easily.

His hair is continuing to fill in, much grayer then before, but at least it's come back and his thick waves are rippled up the back.  Nice to see.  :)

There are major changes going on with me and my job, which is part of why I've been a bit absent here, too.  I know not all of you are on facebook with us, so here is a brief post I put up last week on my page:
  
Cheri Glass Stein

August 21

"Today I gave my two week notice at work... and it took everything in me to hold back the tears until I got back out to my car.
My co-workers are my family... They have held me, prayed for me, loved me, and helped me through so much in the three+ years I've been there, and my heart is breaking that I've had to make the decision to leave. But I had to.
I'm not able to work enough hours there to be able to pay my way in the world when I'm alone and having to face "that time." It's not anything I want to think about, but I've been in a panic trying to get all my ducks in a row. I haven't even been able to recover financially from having to take the time off work for Rob's surgery and recovery, not to mention having a reduced schedule for the four months of his chemo. And those billing people have no sense of humor when I send them crumbs rather than steaks.
So hopefully, I will be able to breathe a little easier with a better job choice with a financial future, benefits, and a chance to advance within the organization. I will work hard, because I want to, and because I have to.
I hate having to make these decisions. I am going to miss my fellow queens at the castle (Camelot), their laughter, their love... and so much more.
They are so important to me, and I love them all dearly. ♥"

 

So, you see, I've had to make changes... ones I am wishing I didn't have to make.  But as I told my boss, I can't have my world fall apart, and then try to figure out what to do.  For my sanity, and peace of mind, I need to have things in order NOW, so that when the time comes where I will fall apart, I will be able to pull myself up and carry on, as hard and as awful as it is to have to even consider.  

 

But I know me, and this is what I need right now.

 

Rob jokingly commented under my post writing, "Planning on my sudden demise, baby ?. Umm, you take the first bite of food from now on !!"  

 

-- to which I replied, "And Robert, dear, though I know you say these things all the time to me in jest with that glint in your eye, I'm not planning any such thing... I am dreading it, fearing it, cursing it... and quietly crying away the thought of it most days - regardless of how I'm handling it on the outside. I do love you, my gentle, Piper man...♥"

 

♥♥♥

 

Rob's sense of humor remains tightly intact, and is part of what makes him strong, and lets him deal with all he's had to go through, all he deals with daily, and all that is to come.  Too much 'all' for such a gentle soul.

 

Well, I am off to bed.  It's my last week at my old job, and I have to be up in a little over 4 hours.  

 

I'm going to try to post at least every Sunday evening to keep you all updated a bit more.  In the meantime, go out and enjoy these fleeting days of summer, and prepare your hearts for the beautiful Autumn that approaches... vistas of rolling hills filled with colorful trees, crunchy leaves for walking on and jumping in, cider and donuts, sweaters, fireplaces, and those wind-swirling Winnie-the-Pooh days that make life so much fun!  

 

It's my most favorite season of all! :)

 

 

In Love and In Peace,

 

Cheri ♥ 

Hello there (I say sheepishly...)

Hello there (I say sheepishly...).  

I know.  

I've been absent for a long time, and I apologize.  I get messages and notes filled with curiosity and compassion and worry.  Rob's okay right now.  :)

We've just been enjoying a little normal wherever we can find it for these summer weeks we're living in.  There have been NO doctor appointments or tests and I must say, we are enjoying that even more.

We celebrated Rob's 57th birthday with a great Mexican dinner and two nights of gathering with some family members and sharing laughter and moments of that normalcy I mentioned.  It was really nice.  

Life has been full with MUCH going on, and we're just temporarily getting lost in the shuffle of days and nights and commitments.

Rob is doing pretty well!  There are many good hours in his days, but still a few bumps.  He is continuing to struggle with overbearing headaches that, when they come, last for days.  And our OTC drugs don't seem to phase the pain very much.  If these were from chemo side effects, they should have worn off by now.  But whatever is causing them, at times he is struggling to remain above the pain.

Rob is still sleeping quite a bit, taking at least 2 hour naps on the good days, more on days when he's feeling a bit 'off', as he puts it.  Some days he tells me that he just doesn't feel right, and can't even pinpoint exactly what he means.  I worry quietly deep inside where I don't even realize it sometimes.  But it's always there.

We've had some major difficulties with some of our "medical professionals" not following through with things like they should.  We're phone-tag-fighting (so to speak) trying to get Rob's urostomy supplies covered.  And it seems one of the other "professional's" staff sent LOTS of lab work during the chemo months to labs that don't participate in the program Rob's covered in.  So, yes, bills are coming in that we can only sigh at between the hair-pulling and frantic calls to put out fires.  When I get home from work, it seems I'm on the phone taking notes, and making more calls, and moving from pile to pile depending on what real voice I can talk to.  I'm getting pretty good at one-sided conversations with phone systems.  The only problem is that nothing is ever accomplished other than my rising stress level.

Argh.

But I am not trying to complain, although when I read this over, it's what I'm seeing.  And I'm sorry about that.  I try to stay away from complaining.  I guess, it just leaks out here and there when I'm full.  I've been really full lately.  *sigh*

In all honesty, though, we are thankful that we have these days, and we know what a blessing time has become.  I know that everything will work out for good, now or later, and I need to just rest in that.  I do have faith that all will be well.  I think the fact that I'm hardly sleeping is adding to my ability to stay sane... at least temporarily.  :)

I've more to tell you of specific things that are blooming and being put to rest, but as of right now, by the time I wrap up this evening and quiet our home for the night, I'm only looking at about four hours of sleep before another work day begins... So I will bid you all a blessed evening, and a beautiful weekend of smiles and laughter and most of all, love. ♥

You are all in our hearts and prayers, as always.

In Love and amazingly wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥