Let me start by saying I apologize for the coming ramblings. I have been avoiding the computer world, as it's been hard enough keeping up with the real one. I can't seem to get a handle on reality lately. My body and mind are not cooperating. I work, I cook, I do dishes and laundry, I enjoy a few hours each week with my daughter and granddaughters, and I sleep. Mostly in my chair during my favorite shows, but not much in the quiet hours when I should. Like now. I enjoy as much time at church as I can, for it's where I find my Strength and Peace. And I need that real bad.
I don't know where the time goes, but it goes nonetheless.We enjoyed the lack of white lab coats for most of the summer, and are enjoying the cooler days and nights of this beautiful Autumn that's upon us. Rob and I joined my daughter and her family at two cider mills recently, and we had a great afternoon. My granddaughters have a way of getting Rob to laugh and play without hesitation. They are intrigued with the changes in his body since his second surgery, and don't think twice about it being any different than anyone else. I love that about them. :) By the time the afternoon was over, Rob was very tired, and slept for hours. But it sure was great seeing him laugh and play, and enjoy life crawling through hay with the little ones. He's a big teddybear, and they love that about him.
And yes, we all ate too many donuts and drank too much cider, but isn't that what Autumn is all about? I believe so. ;)
The bill battles continue with one of Rob's doctors, and having the day off today, I will spend part of my morning trying to get it straightened out... again. I am tiring of the battle. I'm sure that's what they're hoping for.
Rob still naps for hours each day, and sleeps much of the night away in front of the television. He continues to battle headaches, and days of "just not feeling right." But he's happy that his hair is a bit darker again, and that the curls are slowly returning. It's the little things that count! He's gone to bed hours ago, as I should have, but my mind is reeling tonight, and having a hard time stopping...
I haven't written anything in a while. I miss writing. It builds up in my brain and spills out if I don't ease the pressure now and then. I just haven't had time, though it's a continuous stream inside. And I haven't done any quilting or creating, either. Anybody who knows anything about me, knows this is not me! Creating and imagining and writing and daydreaming are a big part of who I am.
I'm still here, just buried a bit, but searching for daylight and trying to dig my way free.
My job is going well. And although it is still not a fit for "me", it is something I am very thankful for. Even so, I find myself humming "white bird" quite often. ;) Another location was robbed recently, one that a fellow trainee from my class worked at. I don't like that possibility of this job. I pray for protection over us. Today my daughter and I were talking and I told her that when people are doing what we were meant to do, it won't seem like work to them. She said she doesn't think many people find that. Sadly, it's true.
I've seen that commercial on TV where people are asked if they could be anything they desired, what would they be? And you see this giant "wall" filled with passions they've written, unfulfilled. I am saddened so much by this. So many of us have been caught up in doing what everyone else does, instead of listening to the passion God has put in our hearts... the passion to be who He created us to be, to use the gifts He's blessed us with. So many of us just don't slow down enough, or stop the noise enough, to hear Him. I'm trying really hard to listen these days.
Well, on the homefront, our Darby-girl is having some difficulties with her liver that we haven't been able to completely figure out yet, but I continue to try. I have her on some natural meds that I get up at 5am each morning to give her on an empty stomach an hour before she eats. They are supposed to help with her liver function, and later today, I'm switching her food. She's on a top quality food now, but I'm going more natural with no added preservatives, etc., to take any burden off her liver. I love her dearly, she is closer to me than my shadow. I need to be able to save her. My sister and her husband just said goodbye to their dear Max, and my daughter and her family are facing coming heartache with their Daisy.
These days are hard ones.
Rob was able to have a "Brother Day" with his big brother Stu this weekend. They went to an afternoon show and hung out for a while. When they got home, Rob scared me... I could see he was exhausted, and he did sleep for hours after the outing. But I am so thankful they had the time together, and it was a great time. :) It means so much to Rob. And I loved the fact that he got out of the house for awhile, too.
When I was in high school, I remember reading a book that ended with a famous poem at the end of it. The part of the poem that plays through my mind quite often is this:
"Where am I going? I don't know. What does it matter where people go. Out to the fields where the bluebells grow... anywhere, anywhere. I don't know."
I guess I've been searching for a while now.
Have a blessed evening, a blessed sleep, and a blessed Tuesday. I will update the blog with anything we find out this afternoon from Rob's surgeon.
As always, we are so thankful for your prayers over the last year... through all the doctor appointments, both surgeries, the recoveries and the chemo days. Rob wouldn't have made it to the place he is today without you. You bless us continually, and though you don't hear from me very often these days, I pray for you all each morning. It's my time to silently yet audibly converse with God before the crazy begins, to share my fears and frustrations, to seek guidance, to be washed in peace, and to cover you all in prayer and protection. You mean the world to me... to us.
And we gratefully thank you, dear ones.
In Love and So Washed in Peace...
Cheri ♥
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