I checked my facebook page tonight and found that almost six days ago Rob posted a beautiful song on my wall with some words that touched my heart -- The song, "Since You've Asked" ( http://youtu.be/cYdAK9tNj1g ).
Rob's words to me:
" For long yesterdays ago we spent together, for every year spent apart. For where and when we met again and began love anew. Because if your asking... ♥ :**: ♥ :) "
His words and the words in the song made me stop, and close my eyes as they overflowed with tears. For a few moments, my tough exterior disintegrated and I was just the scared and lost little girl I keep tucked away so well on most days. I have to, for fear of coming apart at the seams.
Life has given us a handful lately, and I'm so tired...
I should be sleeping right now. Rob tried to wait up for me, but he was pulled to dreamland a while ago. I stand and watch him as he sleeps... I wonder where the days have gone. I wonder how he has remained so strong through all that he's had to go through. But I know...
God is keeping him going, keeping him positive and strong and filled with hope. Me... I need some work. If I let God in, he infuses me. And the world is good, no matter what. It's just that I let the circumstances that surround me take over, even when I know I shouldn't. It's raw energy most days that keeps me functioning when I just want to crumble up into a ball and blow away.
Rob is teaching me so much about faith through his valley walk. That I need to have more trust and forgiveness and yes, more faith. Sustaining faith. I can't let fears get the better of me, or even the worst of me. I need to stand on the promises of God... that He loves me and wants the best for me. And He loves Rob and He wants the best for him, too. Even if we don't understand things we go through... and maybe we never will... we have to be okay with that, because God sees the big picture even when we don't know one exists.
I am so proud of you, Robert... You are a good man, and I don't understand why you've had to walk this journey you're on... we're on. But I know that you are handling it all with grace and confidence and trust and patience. God is using you to teach me (and others) much. I am so thankful for you, my husband.
I need to sleep, I just had to empty my thoughts first. I will be up in about 3.5 hours, and Rob and I will be filling our day with his CT scan in the morning, and another check with the opthamologist in the afternoon to see if Rob will be able to avoid eye surgery. He's having much difficulty with his left eye still, and is hoping it's just part of the healing process.
As always, thank you so much for your prayers. They are keeping Rob lifted so high and happy, and they are keeping me from being swallowed up. God is so awesome!!!
And so are you. ♥
Thank you from the bottom of my being.
I pray God's blessings on you all, and I'll update as I can. We won't know the CT results until we meet with Rob's surgeon a week from this Tuesday.
Good night, dear ones.
In heartfelt love, and washed in everlasting peace,
Cheri ♥
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