Quiet Waiting...

Hello dear ones...

Well, this year continues to be a full one.  It sure keeps life interesting.

It's the 19th day of January already... but I am still somewhere back in October or November.  I can't keep up with this flying time lately.  I don't know where it's gone, and how it got past me so swiftly.

I sit here quietly at this moment, tree lit, listening to Sarah McLachlan, keeping me in a good and quiet and calm place.  Tomorrow is coming, and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

Our tree is still up.  Yes, I know, it's mid January.  But I find myself sitting in the room in the early morning hours, and the late night hours, in the glow of the tree lights... it's keeping me breathing calmly, and I continue to need that.  It may be up for a while.

Those of you following us on facebook know a bit about what happened last week, but I'll briefly fill in the others...

We went to see Rob's oncologist, Dr. B, last Tuesday.  Due to Rob's constant headaches and head pains, plus a couple of other symptoms, the whole office staff was instantly in a flurry trying to get Rob in for an emergency brain MRI.  It seems bladder cancer is known for ending up in the brain.  Dr. B said that if the MRI came back showing no masses, that cancer could still be circulating microscopically, so she would then want to admit Rob for a lumbar puncture, etc., etc., etc.  The soonest we could get in was Wednesday night, and the receptionist told the nurse who told the doc, who called us back to her office.  She said we absolutely should not wait the extra day, but rather go to the ER and wait for them to fit us in.  

That was it for Rob.  Never mind the fact that his immune system is shot and he is anemic, and would be sitting in a cesspool of germs at the ER.  Or that we had a puppy in a kennel at home waiting for dinner.  

Rob told her, "No."  

She said waiting could make the difference of treatment working or not.  Rob told her he would sign a paper that would not hold her responsible.  Neither of them was very happy at that moment.  Rob told her he will live like he wants, and die like he wants.  So, we went home, on standby at four hospitals to get a sooner appointment.  Finally just before dinner time on Wednesday, we got a call to go in a half hour earlier, at 8:20pm.

The brain MRI did not show any masses...  something about the white matter, but we'll get details on that tomorrow.  As for the lumbar puncture, Rob said he's not going to do it right now.  End of that chapter.  He gets to have the last say on that.


Yesterday afternoon and evening I spent with my Grandbabies... reading, enjoying my famous scrambled eggs (according to my Granddaughters), and watching one of my favorite movies.  Benjamin was crying a bit, most likely sensing my apprehension of this coming week, but he had more smiles than tears, and that made for a happy heart in me.  He is growing so fast, and is so alert.  Amazing to watch this beautiful life unfold before my eyes. And my Granddaughters continue to bless my life, too.  Daily!  Hourly!

So back to now...

Rob is doing okay.  He is very pale, immune system shot, still experiencing bad headaches/head pain, tired, more frustration showing than normal, and just not himself.  Understandably.  We realized he not only lost most of his hair (there are just long wisps covering the skin), but his eyebrows are almost gone, too!  It didn't affect the beard or mustache, though the hair is much thinner on his arms and legs.  Very strange, this poison they filled him with.  He told me he is just tired.  Tired of being sick and dealing with everything.  I understand.  He's been handling it all like a champion fighter.

Today we went to Beaumont and had the CT's done on Rob's chest, pelvis, and abdomen.  Dr. B ordered them STAT as well, so we will have the results when we go to see her tomorrow afternoon.  These will tell us whether this second line chemo worked or not.  If the masses are the same or smaller, she said that is good.  Larger, that is bad.

I told Rob on the way home that I was happy we were getting the results tomorrow rather than having to wait the normal week for answers.  This way, we don't have to live a torturous seven days of "what if's" and pensiveness.  

We are going to relax tonight, watch some television or read some books, and just let it all go until tomorrow.  Tomorrow will determine much.  It will determine which direction our steps will go from this point on.

Quick Riley update:
He is over 44 pounds now, 6 months old, nicknamed, "Wildman."  Fitting.  I have lots of work to do in my spare time!  LOL!  We're told he'll have his height by 9 months, and fill out in size by 12 months.  Yikes! ;)  I do love this boy who turns into a snuggler at night. (Rob says he's a kicker and shifter... not on my side! LOL!)

I will be doing a short update tomorrow night with whatever we find out.

I can't tell you how much we love you all, how much we feel your prayers around us, lifting us higher than we can imagine.  It's hard to keep tears from my eyes when I tell you how grateful we are for all of you.  God has blessed us for sure.

I will be praying lots.  In the light of the tree. 

http://youtu.be/oab9giH2cG0
(Amazing You Tube video I love... This song is one of my all time favorites, speaks to my heart with beats so hard... it grips me strong.)


In Love and Completely Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri  ♥