In Flight... The Days

Three months have come and gone.  

The snow is on reprieve and the hot, humid days have shown face... and it's still Spring!  I hope this isn't a taste of what we're in for this summer.  
I know, I know... it's better than snow.  
But at least when it's cold you can snuggle under a warm blanket or take a hot bath.  When you're hot, it's just plain HOT.  
Hard for this Autumn girl to go through summers. *wink*

On to the "Rob update" as promised...

As you may remember from the February CT, the majority of Rob's cancer cells/areas were growing, but his doctor didn't know how fast.  So she wanted us to wait and have Rob re-do the CT in May.  He did.

The results came in showing that it has continued to grow, some doubled in size, but because it is not REALLY fast growing, and because it isn't near any vital organs, she and Rob decided to wait another three months and do the CT again.  The oncologist's hope is to keep Rob away from the chemo treatments as long as possible so he is as strong as possible to fight this beast when it's time to fight.  She gave us a list of symptoms to watch out for and sent us on our way.

So we have a continued chemo vacation throughout the summer, and will return to the doctors and tests, and pokes and prods, in August.  It's strange how routine it has become to drive to Beaumont Hospital, how we know our way around there so well, know the nurses, the nooks and crannies and short-cuts and best places to park.  I already knew it well from the many trips with my daughter, but now Rob knows it well, too.  Sad.  But good.

Rob continues to sleep and rest, play around on the computer and chat with his friends.  He listens to his YouTube music, different themes different days.  Watches all his old TV shows and talks of days gone by.  He's happier living in the past when the world was controllable to him, than to deal with the reality of the present each day.  I understand that.  He continues to try to control the headaches and pains, and really doesn't want to talk about "it" at all.  Or anything else medically-related.  

I understand that, too.

He looks tired, he gets confused, he gets angry, then in the blink of an eye he's laughing at Barney in daily reruns of Andy Griffith.  He keeps the fluids filled in my car so I can get around safely, and he does work around the house to help.  

Life is going okay.

In 19 more days I start a new job.  I am with the same company, but am moving to an office much closer to our apartments.  Three miles away, in fact.  I am moving from part-time to full-time, which I'm not so sure I should be doing right now, but the opportunity presented itself, and all prayers pointed that way.  I applied on a Thursday, was called Friday for an interview the following Monday, and hired first thing Tuesday morning.  I believe it is the right decision for me.  

With this location, I can come home for lunches to check on Rob when he gets worse, and to take care of Riley.  Rob will only be alone for 4-5 hours at a time, so hopefully I won't have to lose so much time from work like I did when he was in such bad shape from the last rounds of chemo.  I was thankful to have the time off work and have my job protected, but I lost a lot of pay, too... We were so thankful to loved ones who helped us through those days, but it's hard to stay afloat when more is going out than coming in.  So many people find themselves in this same place, and it's hard and sad and unexpected.  But you just do what you have to do.  Hopefully I won't have to miss as much time from work being closer to the apartment.  Rob is pretty indifferent about it all, because it's dealing with things he doesn't want to deal with at this time.  

That's okay.

As for me... I have become elusive in the electronic world.

I can't tell you when I last watched a television show in the evening.  I avoid Social Media as much as possible, and only check in occasionally.  My daughter Nicole and I message back and forth when we need to, and when I'm not able to see her and the children, I relive her days through pictures on Instagram  --  so much less invasive and more private.

I am saddened at the way society has become.  

Customers come to me at work and never even acknowledge me or stop talking or texting on their phones.  When I ask if I can help them with anything else, they shoot me a distasteful look for having interrupted their "conversation."  I was driving down the road the other day and there was a father on the sidewalk with his beautiful, curly-blonde-haired toddler.  She was just standing there next to a little bike with training wheels while Daddy was texting on his phone.  Really???  I don't get it.

I don't want to be one of those people.  

I don't want to be standing with someone when we're having a conversation that is very important to me, and have them get a text and then turn their attention there instead, then answer it.  Ouch!  And everyone at work has phones on their desks and they text all day long.  Why?  I don't get it.

Why is being in touch and telling everyone everything you do more important than living in the moment, in the real world?  More important than talking meaningfully to someone who is right in front of you?

I need the quiet.

That's when I hear the voice of God in my heart.  It's in the quiet.  That's where His peace is, and He wants us to have that. I need that.  I can't think with all the noise and pressures and the who-has-whats and still be able to hear His voice.  And I need to hear Him for direction, for guidance, for decision making, and for the peace that passes all understanding.

I come home from work, and I retreat to my quilt room... my sanctuary.  Some days I watch dvds, sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I read.  I go through a lot of piles that never disappear, and I fall asleep over and over again with ink-trails on papers and pages, until I drag my sleepy self to bed.

Time is so precious.  So is the quiet.  And I need them both.  I am a deep thinker, and I need to keep my mind in a slower gear so there's no overheating.  That's never good.

So you won't see me very often on FB or hear from me too often through email, but I am here.  I am dealing with life as I know it, the best that I can.

I want my quiet.  I want my down time.  I need it.  I don't want to be plugged in to everyone and everything at my disposal.  I don't want to keep up.  

I just want to live.

Okay... I am stepping down off my soap box now...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There has been so much happening with medical concerns for my daughter, my granddaughter, and a few things with myself, that I have lost track of days and times altogether.  I should be in a state of overwhelming overload, but I am stilled and filled with peace...

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You have anointed my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

(Psalm 23, NASB) 

We can't always see the goodness and the mercy in our present or our future, but we can look back and see everywhere the Lord's hand has been at work.  
We just need to be patient as He works all things for our good.

I have everything I will ever need.  It is a free gift.  
And it's the source of my strength.
 
And I'm good with that. :)

Have a blessed, and a peace-filled summer.  I will be back to update you more on Rob and I in late August.

In love, and most importantly, in peace... 

Cheri ♥

(*All photos in this blog post are stock photos.)