Rock On Rob... ♥

Hi.  
Early morning hours again.  Peaceful.  
Time to think even though I should be sleeping. 


Rob was admitted to Beaumont Hospital on December 2nd for extreme pain and numerous other medical issues.  He was released on December 13th.  By the 15th I knew something was very wrong.  He went into another extreme pain crisis with confusion and hallucinations, and was readmitted through the ER that Sunday. 

He is hopefully going to be released later today sometime... into home Hospice care.

Dr. B, Rob's oncologist, said the cancer is aggressively moving, and that any further treatment at this point would do nothing but lessen his quality of life.  Rob doesn't want that.  Neither do I or any member of our families.

Rob is handling the news with more ups than downs.  As Dr. B explained, most people diagnosed with stage IV aggressive bladder cancer have an expected life span of about 12-15 months.  It has been 6 years for Rob.  He has not presented as most cancer patients have.  Throughout these years, I have documented dated photos of the odd phenomenons that Rob has experienced... progression of the C monsters prowling and raging stages.  

Dr. B has copies of the photos and is presenting them to her peers continuously.  Many of them have questioned her as to why she ran these other tests that ended up being crucial to Rob's cancer treatment, and she explained that because Rob wasn't following the "norm" that she questioned everything he went through.  Dr. B told Rob that this information is going to help future generations in dealing with bladder cancer and finding a cure.  Rob said, "I just knew this was for a good reason", and we thanked her for all she has done for both Rob and I, and both of our families.


Rob wants you to know that he has not been "battling cancer", but rather has learned to truly live through it.  


He is strong amid the physical weakness, and has kept his sense of humor throughout.  The nurses in the short stay and on the oncology ward all love him.  He is kind and gracious, and has grown so much internally and spiritually.

In respect for Rob and his privacy, he does not want any visitors.  He just wants to be home now with his family, pets included. :)  He will continue to play his music online and post his Rob-isms as he is able to.

The hospital bed and numerous other medical equipment are being delivered hopefully before noon today, all having to be in place before they will release Rob into Hospice care.

 
It's funny.  Strange funny.  But as we have been talking the last few days, there is a peace surrounding him, and it's seeping into me.  A peace that lets the stress of appointments and pokes and prods and tests and constant running start to dissipate.  The shared stress-based angry words disappearing into the dust.  The feelings of not being able to fix things and not being enough are fading. We are breathing easier, fuller, and looking forward to spending unrushed and unmedical time together for as long as we are able to.

Rob and his sister, Holly, and brother, Stu, have been able to have some lovely sibling time gathered around Rob's hospital bed, entertaining the staff and neighboring families.  Singing songs together, sharing meals and traditions, laughing over past and present moments in time.
Our families have been such a strong support system, we can't even begin to tell you how deeply they have touched our lives.

And your prayers...  Oh, your prayers have helped in ways you will never know.  They are everlasting blessings washing over us continually.
My cup runneth over. 

There are tears, but they are far outweighed by laughter and peace.

Rob knows where his peace comes from  -  Whom it comes from  --   and he knows where he's going.  It is a much better place, joyous, everlasting, and best of all, pain-free in every sense of the word.

So we wanted you to know.

And we want to thank you for your prayers, your kind words, your gifts... all of your beautiful expressions of love over these last 6 years.

I pray that you would continue to lift Rob, and all of us, during these coming days.

We love you all, we are thankful for you all... and we pray God blesses you and your loved ones with this Peace that surpasses all understanding.

Please... don't let things get in the way of people and of relationships.  Stop the constant input, the surgence of technology that surrounds us and drowns us.  Texting instead of talking.  Faces in the phones.  Please stop... Let's get back to living. ♥
  
People matter more.  Make sure your people know they matter to you.


Rob and I wish you and yours the most joyous of Christmas celebrations, surrounded by loved ones and laughter, praise and worship, as we celebrate together our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Who offers us the free gift of eternal life with Him.

Merry Christmas one and all!!!

In overflowing love and peace,

Cheri ♥ 

Long Time No Blog!!!

Hello.  Yes, long time no blog.

I have been respecting Rob's wishes to privacy since the last blog, going on nearly two years ago.  I am doing a short update tonight with Rob's blessings.  Not many new photos, as most are on my phone and tablet.  My main computer crashed months ago, but I got most things back thanks to an awesome techy guy my brother-in-law put me in touch with.  Thank you, Stu!!!

At 10pm last night I sat in the quiet waiting room on the second floor at Beaumont Hospital as they took Rob back for an MRI that was expected to last at least two hours.  I had a bag of my "piles" packed to sort through, a cup of coffee, and hopes of staying awake.

Moment later Rob and the technician came out and said they couldn't do the MRI because Rob was in incredible pain, and they would have to try again with him sedated.

Then today we left at noon to go see Rob's oncologist, and just got home in time to feed the pets their dinner.  Rob was in so much pain in the car, that he was nearly in tears, and I don't think I've ever seen him cry.  He's big and strong.  He's the Eveready Bunny.  

The traffic caused an hour + trip, and his leg pain was so intense... I prayed most all the way home for his pain to stop, and sang the praise music on the radio to calm him and keep me filled with good.

So let me go back a ways and catch you up...

Rob was diagnosed with what turned out to be Stage IV terminal, aggressive bladder cancer.  It had gone through his bladder wall and into the lymph nodes all throughout his abdomen and pelvic area.  He had two different surgeries to find this out, the second of those major with life-altering aspects.  

At that time, Rob was given about a year and a half.  Six years later, the story continues...  
He has been through so many rounds of chemo that I have lost track without looking it up.  He went through all the options he had, even trying an immunotherapy option...which usually offered relief for up to a few years.  But after 8 months it quit working, too.   

The next option was to try a new chemo drug thought to possibly help, but not specifically for bladder cancer.  The two times Rob took it at the beginning of this year, he had horrible allergic reactions to it, ended up being hospitalized for 9 days then another 6 days, and walking out of the hospital on cardiac meds after having to have his heart restarted a couple of times.

In July after watching a bruise-colored rash starting to spread across his thighs and abdomen, we were referred to a dermatologist who did a biopsy from his thigh and from his abdomen.  The doctor called me at work a day later, very sad, and said both came back infiltrated with cancer.

So now the cancer is in his bloodstream and circulating, hiding in places we don't even know yet.  Rob had a port inserted into his chest wall in July because his arm veins are pretty much shot.  He restarted chemo treatments with the original chemo he had in 2013, only with a change to the second drug because he was no longer strong enough to tolerate the original.  It has held the Monster at bay for a while now.

Bad pain in Rob's thighs and back started initially probably around August of this year.  At first, it was the skin being sensitive, sometimes the muscle hurt, sometimes he said it felt like it was really deep, like bone level.  It has been coming and going, shifting from one thigh to the other, and his lower back has worsened, though it was hard to tell since he had a back injury as a young lad.  Now the pain is almost always constant, he walks very slow and determined, wincing in pain with each step or sometimes with no movement at all.  He adamantly refuses a wheelchair when offered, saying he's just not going to do it.

Today, Rob's oncologist, Dr. B, told us that the last CT showed something going on in his thigh, and the recent bone scan showed something going on in his lower spine.  She ordered a new MRI, under sedation, with and without contrast, on both thighs and his lower spine, to take place this Thursday afternoon.  My Sister Bear, Rob's sis Holly, has been the one helping me keep my sanity and job, by taking Rob to many appointments, treatments, misc. doctor trips...  Holly, I would be a puddle in a dirty alley somewhere if it weren't for you.  I love you dearly. ♥

This afternoon Dr. B stopped all further chemo treatments, because if he is getting a mixed response, the pain is going to continue to worsen and travel further down.  And she said she is not giving him good quality of life by continuing as we were.

She also added a fourth very strong pain medication hoping to give Rob some relief.  She cannot up the dose of the current ones for fear of liver damage.  If the cancer has spread, she may try doing radiation on his thighs, etc., though he has been opposed to radiation after researching it.  Time will tell.

So we are just going to continue playing out this story until there are some firmer answers on how best to proceed.  I will update after we see Dr. B in two weeks.

Your prayers for pain relief would be so appreciated.  I feel so helpless not being able to take the pain away.  I hear him moaning during the quiet hours of darkness, and I hear him up in those hours adding whatever OTC things he can find to try and help.  

I feel like Super Woman with a cracked cape.  But I dress each morning in my big-girl clothes and cover the scared little girl inside who still doesn't know how to fix everyone.

But God.

He is my Strength, my Portion, my Reason and Ability to function.  It is His arms holding me upright, His voice keeping me steady, His plan for me under construction.  And without all the ongoing prayers from family and friends, my life would be impossible.  I can't do this alone.  

My power comes through Jesus.  Hallelujah...Praise God!

I will be back and update you on family, Riley, the whole crew.  For tonight, I am tired, and have much to do before I sleep.


In Love and in Peace,


Cheri ♥

My lovely little heartsongs, and their parents! :)