Long Time No Blog!!!

Hello.  Yes, long time no blog.

I have been respecting Rob's wishes to privacy since the last blog, going on nearly two years ago.  I am doing a short update tonight with Rob's blessings.  Not many new photos, as most are on my phone and tablet.  My main computer crashed months ago, but I got most things back thanks to an awesome techy guy my brother-in-law put me in touch with.  Thank you, Stu!!!

At 10pm last night I sat in the quiet waiting room on the second floor at Beaumont Hospital as they took Rob back for an MRI that was expected to last at least two hours.  I had a bag of my "piles" packed to sort through, a cup of coffee, and hopes of staying awake.

Moment later Rob and the technician came out and said they couldn't do the MRI because Rob was in incredible pain, and they would have to try again with him sedated.

Then today we left at noon to go see Rob's oncologist, and just got home in time to feed the pets their dinner.  Rob was in so much pain in the car, that he was nearly in tears, and I don't think I've ever seen him cry.  He's big and strong.  He's the Eveready Bunny.  

The traffic caused an hour + trip, and his leg pain was so intense... I prayed most all the way home for his pain to stop, and sang the praise music on the radio to calm him and keep me filled with good.

So let me go back a ways and catch you up...

Rob was diagnosed with what turned out to be Stage IV terminal, aggressive bladder cancer.  It had gone through his bladder wall and into the lymph nodes all throughout his abdomen and pelvic area.  He had two different surgeries to find this out, the second of those major with life-altering aspects.  

At that time, Rob was given about a year and a half.  Six years later, the story continues...  
He has been through so many rounds of chemo that I have lost track without looking it up.  He went through all the options he had, even trying an immunotherapy option...which usually offered relief for up to a few years.  But after 8 months it quit working, too.   

The next option was to try a new chemo drug thought to possibly help, but not specifically for bladder cancer.  The two times Rob took it at the beginning of this year, he had horrible allergic reactions to it, ended up being hospitalized for 9 days then another 6 days, and walking out of the hospital on cardiac meds after having to have his heart restarted a couple of times.

In July after watching a bruise-colored rash starting to spread across his thighs and abdomen, we were referred to a dermatologist who did a biopsy from his thigh and from his abdomen.  The doctor called me at work a day later, very sad, and said both came back infiltrated with cancer.

So now the cancer is in his bloodstream and circulating, hiding in places we don't even know yet.  Rob had a port inserted into his chest wall in July because his arm veins are pretty much shot.  He restarted chemo treatments with the original chemo he had in 2013, only with a change to the second drug because he was no longer strong enough to tolerate the original.  It has held the Monster at bay for a while now.

Bad pain in Rob's thighs and back started initially probably around August of this year.  At first, it was the skin being sensitive, sometimes the muscle hurt, sometimes he said it felt like it was really deep, like bone level.  It has been coming and going, shifting from one thigh to the other, and his lower back has worsened, though it was hard to tell since he had a back injury as a young lad.  Now the pain is almost always constant, he walks very slow and determined, wincing in pain with each step or sometimes with no movement at all.  He adamantly refuses a wheelchair when offered, saying he's just not going to do it.

Today, Rob's oncologist, Dr. B, told us that the last CT showed something going on in his thigh, and the recent bone scan showed something going on in his lower spine.  She ordered a new MRI, under sedation, with and without contrast, on both thighs and his lower spine, to take place this Thursday afternoon.  My Sister Bear, Rob's sis Holly, has been the one helping me keep my sanity and job, by taking Rob to many appointments, treatments, misc. doctor trips...  Holly, I would be a puddle in a dirty alley somewhere if it weren't for you.  I love you dearly. ♥

This afternoon Dr. B stopped all further chemo treatments, because if he is getting a mixed response, the pain is going to continue to worsen and travel further down.  And she said she is not giving him good quality of life by continuing as we were.

She also added a fourth very strong pain medication hoping to give Rob some relief.  She cannot up the dose of the current ones for fear of liver damage.  If the cancer has spread, she may try doing radiation on his thighs, etc., though he has been opposed to radiation after researching it.  Time will tell.

So we are just going to continue playing out this story until there are some firmer answers on how best to proceed.  I will update after we see Dr. B in two weeks.

Your prayers for pain relief would be so appreciated.  I feel so helpless not being able to take the pain away.  I hear him moaning during the quiet hours of darkness, and I hear him up in those hours adding whatever OTC things he can find to try and help.  

I feel like Super Woman with a cracked cape.  But I dress each morning in my big-girl clothes and cover the scared little girl inside who still doesn't know how to fix everyone.

But God.

He is my Strength, my Portion, my Reason and Ability to function.  It is His arms holding me upright, His voice keeping me steady, His plan for me under construction.  And without all the ongoing prayers from family and friends, my life would be impossible.  I can't do this alone.  

My power comes through Jesus.  Hallelujah...Praise God!

I will be back and update you on family, Riley, the whole crew.  For tonight, I am tired, and have much to do before I sleep.


In Love and in Peace,


Cheri ♥

My lovely little heartsongs, and their parents! :)