Difficult news to share...
I took a break from the blog, because it allowed me, almost, to pretend that life was normal, whatever that means.As most of you know, Rob was diagnosed with a very aggressive stage IV bladder cancer in November of 2012. He had two major surgeries, four rounds of chemo, and though not quite who he was before going through all that, he was able to lead a somewhat normal life for awhile. The chemo took a toll, left him tired all the time and the fuzzy "chemo brain" never quite left. He continued, every six months, to be poked and proded and scanned and radiated while they looked for signs of recurrence, which we were told would most likely recur within the first two years, due to it's aggressive, invasive nature.
This past June, the scans were all good. His liver numbers have continued to climb without anyone being able to figure out why, though. With a normal range of 0-44, his were lingering around 200+. Recently, the number was 568, and still nobody knows why. The CT shows many cysts on his liver, but they have been non-changing. Rob was scheduled for his round of testing again this December. However, I moved them up to November just in case he needed anything more, so testing could go toward our deductible which is going to reset and start over in January. Rob was having some bad pain a couple of times that turned out to most likely be unrelated, but something told me to move the appointments up even more. So every Monday so far this month he has undergone blood work, x-rays, and his regular CT scan. This time, the news was exactly what we did not want to hear... the cancer is back.
Not only is it back, but it's back with a vengeance. His left ureter (which was full of cancer in 2012) is collecting fluid, and they are concerned for cancer recurrence. But more than that, his whole belly area, closer to the back, from aorta to lower abdomen, is filled with a mass of enlarged, necrotic lymph nodes... the cancer has metastacized.
Rob's surgeon is a kind and smart man who cares deeply for Rob, and you could see how upset he was having to give us this news today. We had seen the reports late Thursday night online, but wanted him to explain it all to us. He wants us to see Rob's oncologist as soon as possible (this coming Monday) to discuss options: 1 - surgery, pretty much unnecessary as they know what's happening; 2 - second line chemo to try to manage symptoms; 3 - do nothing.
Either way, with or without chemo, Rob's timeline is within a year, possibly just a few months.
Devastated? Yes. Scared? Yes. Numb? Absolutely.
In just four months we went from nothing showing up on the scans, to a whole body full of it. Trying to hold the tears back at the surgeons office, we spoke frankly of many possibilities, but the oncologist will be able to fill in details to help Rob figure out what is the best path to follow at this point in time. Once in the car, my angry, fearful tears came, and the sad ones continue to well up on and off throughout all these hours.
I will post more as we find out more.
Rob asked about following up on the liver issues... His doctor said it really wasn't anything we needed to worry about right now. We knew that, too.
Other happenings of late...
In August we lost sweet Darby girl, and a part of my heart that will never mend. She loved us completely, and was the best ever companion. It just doesn't seem right that she's no longer here. The hurt is painful and deep and quiet... most of the time. Tears flowed for 48 days before I could even entertain the idea of bringing a new puppy home. Absolutely not a replacement... but a rescue. 
So, just two weeks ago, I returned home from an adoption event with a new little black bundle... he rescued me. Little 14-week old Riley is bringing back some smiles, and giving Rob some good exercise up and down the stairs as we potty train him. Riley, not Rob. ;)
Just so you know...
Rob is handling this cancer news well as always, and as expected. His sense of humor is fully intact, and he continues to use it, even if I think it's in bad taste!!!
After being told there may only be a few months left, Rob leaned over toward the doc and asked, "So, it's okay if I have some FRIED chicken then?" He, the doctor, and I cracked up! And on the way home today, he said he's going to eat red meat here and there. A-OK with me. :)
Rob has made a few comments to me with that quiet smile... Wondering if this is his last Autumn to see and be in, thinking about having a cigarette again (which I hope he doesn't), and asking me if I'll miss him. He said, "Facebook existed long before I got on it, and will be around long after I'm gone. But it won't be quite as COOL a place without me. ;) "
Things he needs to know, and things he wants to think about.
I believe we'll be having lots of talks about lots of things in these coming days.Please, please continue to pray for Rob, and his family, and me, too. For strength, for peace, for clear thinking... please continue to lift us all in your prayers. It's your prayers that have kept us lifted and kept us going through all the bumps and hurdles on this valley walk.
And as I mentioned to our family in a note earlier today... our faith remains strong, and we know that God is in control of all things. Because He sees the big picture, and we don't have to understand anything more than that.
In Love and Wrapped in His Peace,
Cheri (and Rob) ♥
Praying for your family!!
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