Chemo - Day 2

Hello dear ones...

This will be a short update, as other than today's chemo treatment, there are no doctor appointments for Rob this week.  We had one scheduled this morning with his surgeon, but he had me cancel it because he just isn't up to much else on chemo days.

January 2013 - Sister Bear at Beaumont!

We were blessed to have Rob's sister, Holly, with us during the treatment today.  Holly, or "Sister Bear" as I call her, was by my side in the hospital during Rob's surgery and has been my pillar of strength since.  I love this lady.  :)  She calls me "Mama Bear," because she has seen me kick into action to get certain medical people to do their jobs when it comes to Rob's expected care.  People should do what they're supposed to do.  If not, I'm not afraid to roar.

Rob had blood work done prior to today's infusion, and although his WBC's, RBC's, and platelets, among others, were just under the low end of normal, he was able to go ahead with his treatment.  With his WBC count being so low, he is very susceptible to infection, so we are doing our best to keep him free from it.

Today...

He slept through the main chemo drug again, thanks to the IV of Benadryl that proceeds it.  When it was done, even though he was pre-dosed with stomach-helping and anti-nausea drugs, he told us he was very nauseous.  He was moving slowly on the way back to the car, and once home, slept a good portion of the afternoon and evening.  He was up a bit on facebook, of course, and is up now for a bit of the ol' television.  He has told me several times that his lungs feel like they are full of charcoal.  Hmmm.  He's still not himself, but better than earlier with a few spurts of non-stop talking energy.  Wonder if that's a side effect, too.  It's not normal for him except for in type.

We were told the effects of this main drug are going to be cumulative, and most don't make it through 3 treatments without having to get RBC/bone marrow injections, so we are forewarned and won't be surprised if that happens.  *sigh*

I feel helpless as I watch him suffer...  big or little, there's not much I can do but watch him sleep and hope we wake up from this, though we know that's not likely.  It still hurts to not be able to make it better.  That's what Mom's do best, and the best thing I've ever done is be a Mom.  I should be able to make it better...

This morning I took our little Riley, now 17 weeks old, back to the vet, as we try to figure out what's happening to him.  We are trying a few changes and monitoring him for a month to see if he improves.  Possibility of renal issues, but we are praying for many better days.  Regardless, he is a little happy guy, sometimes TOO happy, but when I watch him sleeping, and hug him as he snuggles with me, it's all okay. :)

Today... Protecting, loving

Gypsy misses Rob when he goes for doc appointments and chemo treatments.  Especially the chemo because he's gone for a long time, and that's not normal anymore... for her.  As with the first treatments, when he would come home and lay down to sleep, she was right there curled up on top of him.  She's protecting and comforting and loving on him.

Okay, enough for tonight.  If things change much during the week, I'll be back.  Otherwise, treatment #3 is next Monday, and the oncologist is Tuesday... so I will update then.


Love you all, appreciate you all, and want you to know that we feel your prayers wrapping around us each and every day.  God is using all of this to make us all stronger.  Believe that.  

You are the world to us.



In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

Chemo 2, Day 1

Second go-round day, today.

Today we left for the hospital again, to the short-stay unit, for Rob to begin his second go-round with chemo.  It was a cold and blustery day... on the inside, too.  Rob was mostly quiet on the car trip back there this afternoon.  As we walked those halls to the unit, all of a sudden, for a split second or two, he stopped as if the breath was taken away from him, and froze.  Then, he looked at me, and said, "I remember it all."  He said the hallway felt like it was pulling away further and further, and he felt disoriented and lost.  I felt a stab in my heart.

The stay today was much shorter than what we got used to last year... just over two and a half hours and we were out of there on our way home.  Rob is only getting one drug, but it's stronger than what he had last year.

One nice thing was that we saw all familiar faces in the oncology nursing staff, and they remembered us to.  They were sad to see us back, but Rob shared a corny joke or two, and was at ease again.  That was good. 

And so it goes... Nov. 17, 2014

Our nurse shared with Rob and I what to expect with this chemo round...  most likely hair loss, most likely nerve damage as in tingling in the hands and toes, not a big possibility of nausea (though they pumped him full of anti-nausea meds before his infusion), and a few other minor things.  She reminded him that this drug was going to kill his good white blood cells along with the cancer cells, so he was going to have to be careful about his immunity now being suppressed.  We've already been sanitizing everything each morning.  And he has to be very careful about cutting himself anywhere due to bleeding issues.  *sigh*

One of our favorite nurses got the IV in with just one try... that was nice, since Rob's other arm is still badly bruised from his biopsy and CT a couple of weeks ago.

Us, 11-17-14

Rob was in a good frame of mind, but more 'defeated' than I wanted to see him.  But at least the 'anger' is gone... he's moving in the right direction, I think.  I hope.  He talked for a little bit, then  slept through most of the treatment.  I kept watching him as he slept, then glanced back at the pile of papers I brought along to stay busy with.  Too many things, as usual, but I wasn't sure how long we'd be there.  When we left, he was walking a little slower, not feeling the best... but I told him he just had chemo pumping through his body  --  he wasn't supposed to feel the best.

Once home, he ate a late lunch, and went to lay down in the bedroom for awhile.  He was up for a little bit, but went to lay down again, as he's already feeling changes within.  Little bouts of dizziness and unsteadiness.  Just not feeling good... And by the way, he's feeling very nauseous, but he has been for several weeks now.  We have surmised that it may be due to the fact that the mass is pressing on his stomach at this point.

So once again, we are going to remind everyone that we prefer not to have people coming and going from our place, because Rob's immunity is going to be greatly affected, and he is going to be very susceptible to getting sick  --  and that would not be good for him at all.  It's going to be bad enough that I am working outside of the home handling money all day long...  And though I use a sanitizer all throughout the day, wash my hands, sanitize again once I'm in the car, and scrub and wash my hands when I get home,  I never feel clean enough.

I have to continue to work for now, but whenever Rob needs me to be here because he's having a hard time getting through the days, I will be here.  God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I have to keep reminding myself of that.  I'm sure glad He knows me better than I do.  I wish I could see me through His eyes... although, when I look at my daughter, I think I already know.  Love is not a big enough word.

Another reminder that we are not able to respond to comments left here on the blog, and I am not readily able to get messages sent via facebook.  I am mostly on my tablet, and cannot access private messages there, but only if I go to facebook via the internet, which I don't like to do on the tablet.

I will continue to keep progress "notes" here on the blog so family and friends can stay updated.  Tomorrow we see Rob's oncologist  --  she wants to see him each week after every treatment to see how he's tolerating the chemo.

Peace, wherever it may be...

We so appreciate your prayers and the love and support we feel holding us up during this part of the journey... thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Please pray for strength for Rob, for wisdom, and mostly, for peace throughout his body and mind.  Peace is what Rob is all about, and he needs to be filled with it, too, on those days when he can't seem to find it.

We love you all.


In love and washed in peace,

Cheri  ♥

CT & Biopsy Results - Nov. 11, 2014

This waiting has been a blessing and a frustration.

And it's what we thought.

It is the same cancer that has returned: aggressive high-grade carcinoma.
It is all around the aorta, between the lobes of the lungs, a spot in the lung, in the pelvis, and the left ureter.

Today we spoke with the oncologist about lots of things, too much to put here.  Rob is going to give chemo another whirl and see where it leads him.

The doc wanted to put in a port and start a multi-agent chemo  --  very potent  --  ASAP, and he would have to go see her the next day after each treatment for a "booster"... another dangerous potent concoction to try to keep his platelets up.  There was also talk of a heart ultrasound because the drugs can do much damage to the heart.

Feb. 2013 -- Day one of first chemo treatment.

But after a lot of consideration, Rob has chosen another route.  He is not in the same place he was when he started the last chemo in February, and Dr. B is afraid the multi-agent (4 chemo drugs  --  MVAC for those of you familiar with this beast) is going to be too much for him. 

So in 6 days we will begin a once-a-week single agent chemo, with weekly next-day doc visits as well to monitor Rob's tolerance.  There was talk of seeing an integrative medicine doc at Beaumont for other more natural treatments to use in conjunction with the chemo, but we're not sure about that right now.  One step and one day at a time.

Time.  So precious.

So now we wait to hear from the short-stay area for our scheduled time to begin again.  The doc says our goal now is to try to reduce it, or hold it at bay, for as long as possible, not to interfere with quality of life.  It will always be aggressive and trying to win.  That's why we will be meeting with Dr. B so often, so she knows exactly what's going on, how Rob's feeling, and what his wishes are.

We will hopefully be able to do both appointments on my two days off each week, so I won't miss too many hours... unless, of course, he is not feeling well following the treatments.  That's why I stayed home with him February through May last time.  He was awful sick.  

I am praying for better this time.  But I'll be home in a heartbeat if he needs me to be.  

Some things are more important.

There are times in the quiet of my life, that I ask God why He wants me to be so strong, and how He keeps me going when all I want to do is stop and curl up and cry until it stops...?  And He tells me it's so I can understand and be compassionate and help others when they are walking through valleys.  And He holds me so I can know that I can depend wholly and completely on Him for all things, no matter what.  I am not worthy, but He sees value in me.  And I am so thankful for, and humbled by, that.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow. ♥

~~~~~~~~~

Around the home...

Our tree has been up and decorated since November 1st, in honor of my Dad's birthday.  He loved Christmas, and I have so many memories sitting in the tree light at night with him... precious in my heart.  So I sit in it's light, even as I write, because it is a comfort to me.

Oct. 2014-Rob & Riley!  Too big to hold, now!

Riley is growing like a weed, and we're continuing to work on not pouncing on the cat, or biting everything in view.  I wish the big-boy teeth would emerge!  I know his gums have to be really sore.  He is trying...

I changed my hair color, and cut it a bit shorter.  Was looking for just a couple of shades darker, but it ended up being about 10 or 12 shades darker!  I look like a different person.  But that's okay, because I want to be one.

As I write, the wind is picking up and the now crunchy leaves are wildly swirling around the yard, driving our new puppy to distraction.  The sky is getting dark, and the temperature is falling quickly...  from almost 60 today to a high around 30 for the next week at least.  Nice!  This is still my favorite time of the year:  family, fireplaces, Christmas trees, Hallmark movies... :)

Rob is sleeping in the other room... the new normal.  I am praying it is because he is storing up strength and energy.  He's in for a fight, and he's going to be up for it, if I have anything to say about it. (Please, God...)
~~~~~~~~~

We'll keep you up to date on the treatments and how it's going, as we did the first time.

So until then, please continue to bless us by keeping Rob in your prayers.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.



In Love and Still Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥
 

Quick Test Update...

Thank you all so much for the love and prayers... they are so felt and appreciated.

Just a quick update on this week so far...

Monday's CT appointment took MUCH longer than we had anticipated for a couple of reasons:

1 - We had a receptionist who had a cancer-diagnosed friend, and the receptionist was very interested in details of Rob's cancer journey... we couldn't get away from the conversation, but she must have needed to talk.  So we did, and it put the whole day way behind.  Oh well.  And...

2 - The doctors there were questioning the CT scan since Rob was just radiated a few weeks back with a different type of CT (where they found the cancer had returned), so they put in a call the the oncologist to see if it was all necessary.  I knew she would say yes, and she did.  But Rob was happy that the Beaumont staff was looking out for him.  :)

Today we left the apartment at 6am, and they had him all set up, IV-ed, and were wheeling him into the biopsy at 8am.  He was in recovery around 9:30a, and had to stay flat on his back until just after noon, when they let him leave.  We tried sneaking out without the whole "wheelchair exit," which Rob REALLY hates, but they caught us in the hallway and made him comply.  He was mumbling under his breath the whole way.

He was in a lot of pain as the meds wore off in the recovery area, and slept most of the day once we got home.  We did stop on the way home to vote... had to do our civic duty!!!  But he could barely walk, and it hurt him to do it, but it mattered to him, so we did it.  He is still hurting tonight, and can only take Tylenol for 2 days, then can go back to ibuprofen, which will work better.  The techs told us they got some good samples from the mass, although pre-biopsy they told us there was a possibility what they gather wouldn't be what they needed and we may have to repeat the biopsy.  Arrgh.  Rob already said "no" to that one. :)

Once I saw him in recovery, I asked him how he was doing, and if he was awake for the whole thing.  He said he was awake the whole time, but then he added, "wait... I may have dozed off, because I am having a lot of thoughts about being in the old west with a bunch of kids running around in a saloon..."  LOL!  Yeah, I think he was out for a bit!!! :)

I told Rob I wanted to get a pic of him pre-biopsy to email to his sis, as she is not here in Michigan, but is walking the journey by our sides nonetheless.  He told me to wait and take it after, so he would look really bad!  Brothers!!!  Sheesh!  LOL!  

Needless to say, I took it BEFORE.  :)

The results will be back in before our visit to the oncologist next Tuesday, where we will finally have some concrete plans worked out, or in motion, for the coming days.  We may try moving hospitals for the chemo treatments, should Rob choose that route, to be closer to home.  If that involves changing oncologists, we may have to do that.  We'll see... but I am already doing the research.  I want us to be prepared when we all sit down to make decisions.

Again, thank you for the prayers today...  I am sure Rob felt them, and I know I did.  

We love and appreciate you all so very much.  
Thank you for blessing us so...


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri  ♥

Busy Week... It all begins again

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, and I have a feeling it’s just going to get crazier...  


I am only going to try to handle one day at a time, and today (Sunday), it was a sunny and beautiful morning, birds singing, glistening frost on the fallen leaves, squirrels playing in the trees outside the window... so calming and quiet and pretty.  I love Autumn!


So... tomorrow (or today now), reality is going to make us pay attention.  Rob has the CT of his chest, abdomen, and pelvis just before noon.  This will give us a better idea of where the cancer has spread.


Tomorrow (Tuesday), Rob has the CT-guided biopsy of the large mass around his aorta/belly area.  They will be comparing this cancer to the bladder cancer from 2012 to see if it's the same.  This will, in turn, give us a clearer picture on the choices that Rob will make.


I hate all this... 

And I am not a hater.


I know I shouldn't worry, but when I listen to Rob, I do.  When I look at Rob, I do.  He never fully recovered from the last run with chemo... sleeps a lot, fuzzy thinking, doesn't feel well most of the time, pain, nausea... just not the same as he was.  He's not starting off in the place he started before, and I don't like that.  It takes my breath away sometimes.  

But don't get me wrong... he still has lots of fight, and he will fight.

~~~~~~~~~

On November 1st each year, Nicole and I both decorate our homes for Christmas, and put up our trees.  It's in honor of my Dad's birthday  --  he loved Christmas, and we are able to enjoy it longer.  So last night Rob and I gathered with Nicole and her family for dinner, and Rob was able to see little Benjamin for the first time, and play with the girls for a while.  Yes, play!  They sit on the floor and play whatever games the girls devise... and he is usually a female character of some sort in their plans... LOL!  He is a good sport, though, and plays until he can't.  Then he read them a couple of books, too. :)

He tired pretty quickly, and slept all evening back at home as I finished getting the tree up and decorated into the early morning hours.  He slept most of today, too --  still not feeling the best.  But I'm glad we had that time last night, and I'm glad he held the baby and let the girls love on him.  The girls know all that's going on, and they have faith that God will take care of Mr. Rob whatever happens.  And that for this day, he was well, and that's what mattered.  :)

~~~~~~~~~

There is nothing quite as peaceful to me as sitting in the glow of the lit Christmas tree in the wee morning hours when the world is sleeping... like now.  I know I should be in bed, but my mind doesn't want to stop, so I figured I'd take advantage of the time...  

I sat with Nicole's husband, Mike, today and he helped me figure out some financial things that have been quietly suffocating me.  He helped me with thoughts for the future, and he helped me get a list of priorities together, including things I have to get in motion for leave time I'll need from work when Rob needs me here.  I have been frantic on the inside trying to figure out how I am going to handle all that is coming... financially, personally, emotionally... And both Mike and Nicole told me I just need to let it all go, and concentrate on today  --  just one day at a time.  They are such blessings to me, you have no idea.  Mike rounded up my wild mind and gave me calm and decisive direction that I needed, and I love and appreciate him so very much. ♥


Well, I still have about 30-45 minutes of things to get done before I climb quietly into bed and try to read a page or two of my book before sleep comes.  Riley is in the living room with me, sound asleep, happy just to be here.  Every now and then he lifts up his head, probably wondering why in the world I'm still awake.  I love that pup!  We really needed each other at just the right time. 

God is so awesome the way He works things out for us, isn't He?  Yes... 

Whether we understand it or not.


We would so appreciate your prayers these next couple of days, and especially the days to follow as Rob contemplates all the things he's trying to juggle.  We meet with his oncologist, Dr. B, on Nov. 11th to find out what they find out.


Until we meet again, in print or in person, I bid you good tidings of great joy...



In Love and In Peace,


Cheri ♥