Hello... and Thank You... Until Later :)

Time.  

Us, 2015

It's flying by, like the snowflakes outside my window this windy late evening.  I've been listening to the wind all night, thinking about how nice it would be if you could open up your mind and soul and let the winds in to blow all the old and crinkly leaves away.  

Ahhh, late winter hours make me think more.  Deeper.

It seems like forever ago that I last updated this blog on Rob.  I was going to do it before Christmas, but life got in the way, and, well, you know how that goes.  We've spent many hours in the hospital, in doctors offices, in the emergency room, being admitted.  It's a way of life that was not in the choosing, but one we get strength to handle.  Often.

This will be the last blog... probably for quite a while.  I will update you now, with Rob's blessing, on where we are in his journey.  And then he just wants to privately and quietly live his days as normal as he does, enjoying and posting his music, chatting with old and new friends on FB.  I get it.  "There's a time for every purpose under Heaven."
 

One of my favorite pics of Rob, 2010

So this is where we are in different areas...

We saw Rob's oncologist, Dr. B last week after getting an abdomen/pelvic CT the week prior to that.  The cancer is growing, and the chemo is not working any more.  So the good news is that Rob can finally stop the chemo.  That didn't hurt his feelings at all. :)  The last few doses hit him pretty hard and it was taking longer for him to recover enough to do it again the next week.

Dr. B wants to try Rob on a new antibody  --  immunotherapy.  It's been targeted for a different type of cancer, but she wants to give it a try.  It will only be once every 3 weeks, for a shorter time duration, for 3-4 treatments then CT's to check.  More news that made Rob smile.  However, prior to being able to start this, which they went ahead and faithfully scheduled for March 13th, Rob has to get a chest CT to see if the cancer has grown there as well, and also get an "okay" from his liver specialist.  This drug has side effects that can trigger autoimmune responses  --  during and any time after taking it  --  and can attack normal cells in the body (liver, colon, lungs, pancreas, skin, eyes...).  Needless to say, he will be monitored well.

If you may remember, back in Spring 2015 they had to pull Rob off chemo for about 15 months because his liver was ready to shut down.  But it got better. :)


So we wait, making endless phone calls to set appointments that don't seem as important to the answerer as they are to the caller.  I will try more on Monday when my mind is clearer, and my hurry is calmed.  My hurry feels pretty strong some days.

The hospital called earlier this week and said since the new drug is experimental-of-sorts, our wonderful four-lettered insurance company will not pay for it.  And it's thousands of dollars.  Thousands.  But our favorite, hard-working people of Beaumont are calling in all the stops with drug companies and more, trying to get it for Rob.  They are awesome there.  They have come through so much for us, that there just aren't enough words to thank them.  All over that hospital.  Awesome.

We had quiet holidays as Rob was not feeling well most of the time.  I visited with my family and they fill me with love and hope and smiles and hugs to last me until the next time we gather.  Rob's family shared in Thanksgiving with us and Colie and family again this year, and it was a joyous and fun time together.  They are loved much and they bless us continually.  *Kiss* :)

My daughter has had many ups and downs as well.  Seeing new specialists in Ann Arbor and trying new meds to help with the Chiari and all the accompanying neurological difficulties.  It's been hard on her.  She has a walker and a wheelchair now to help when the days get rough.  She is so strong and courageous and filled with love and hope and Jesus.  Her husband and children, too.  I learn and learn and learn from that beautiful child of mine.  They have all blessed me beyond measure.

I was hurt in my heart by someone I thought I knew, but apparently never really did.  Funny how you learn that so late.  But the hurt still remains even as you let go.  And tomorrow is a new day.

I had last week off work and it was SO needed!  Rob had 3 appointments, and I didn't really do much.  I cleared some piles and got through some sticky notes.  I dozed often, and finally finished the wall-hanging I made in honor of my Darby-girl.  It was from a nice photo I have of her, and is surrounded by colors and images of flying geese, sandy beaches, and the waters of Lake Huron where she was born and lived most of her life.  She loved up north, so I honored that.

 
I most enjoy handwork when it comes to quilting, and in an early-American, wonky-kind of way.  The applique I will work hard on, but the rest is done in a fun and relaxing way.  It doesn't upset me if things aren't straight or exact, because life isn't.  And though I appreciate the beautiful quilting that people do these days, I prefer to hand quilt each stitch... uneven stitches suit me just fine.  I want it known that my pieces are handmade, that time and passion and work went into them slowly and with care, on my lap and in my hands.  I tire of progress some days, and long for life in a little cabin in the woods on a nice chunk of land, fireplace for heat and no cable, internet, or telephone.  Just time.

There are nights when I am up into the wee morning hours, times I only sleep 3-4 hours before putting in a full work day.  And times when I fall asleep in Bible study and church and in the middle of a conversation with my daughter.  My doc, last fall, told me something had to change before I imploded... so I moved to a new bank with new people and worked part time.  For two months now.  But my ladies at my old bank, my family, my support, were terribly missed in my heart.  So I wrote a letter to my old manager, and she pulled strings and got permission to get me back "in a heartbeat."  It is full time again, but I NEED those ladies in my life more than needing more time away. You just don't understand what these women mean to me.  We share, we work, we cry, we encourage and grow, we tell stories, and laugh until tears are falling.  Good tears.  So next Friday I will be back "home" again, and I am breathing so much easier and stepping so much lighter! :)


The one hard part, though, is going away from the new place.  I believe that the people we encounter day to day, everywhere, happen for a reason.  I feel like I've known a few of them forever.  They were kind and helpful and caring and made me feel at home.  I will miss them all, because they've all touched me, too.   Even in the short time we worked together.  Each unique and interesting, and I've loved getting to know them all.  I will especially miss one gal... just a blessing to know.  She has a good heart and soul, and I'll miss her smile and glow. :) 

And on that note, I have loved and continue to love, pray for, and remember all of the beautiful people I've had the opportunity to work with in this life.  Each one has lifted my spirits and left me with wonderful memories.  Life is such a gift!

Well, it's already tomorrow but it still feels like today.  I sit jumbled and confused, but deeply listening to the stillness.  And it's peaceful and it's quiet, and I love this time, even more so than the early morning hours of sunrise.  

This is when I feel the comfort of your prayers for us, when I hear God speaking to my heart saying, "Come, child... Rest in My arms.  I have everything under control.  I am with you through all the ups and downs, the laughter and tears, the mountain tops and valleys, and you never need to worry about anything.  I see the Big Picture.  Just trust Me.  I love you so very much.  Now just rest in Me."

And I do.  And when I wake, I am strong to make it through another of these days.  Because on my own, I would be a puddle on the floor.  He keeps me good.

This is our life. :)

Me, at least on the inside for now. :)

So I will end now until we talk again.  I am occasionally on FB, more often on Messenger and Instagram when I do go online.  It sucks my time away and I don't want to waste it.  I will probably be updating my own blog a little more often since I won't be here.

I just want you all to know that we love you and we appreciate you so much.  We covet your prayers and kind words, your offers of all things good and well.  Your prayers surround us and keep us both strong.  Remember to love, and to forgive seventy-times-seven.  So important.  And smile at everyone... listen to their stories, help as much as you can.  Pay the good forward.  Be a blessing everywhere  --  like you've been to us.

My eyes are telling me it's time for rest.  It's just after 3am as I finish this, and I have church in the morning.  I love the worship & music, the sermons, the people... most of all, God's presence.

I bid you blessed days and hearts of cheer, great memories and long hugs.  

I have to go now.  There are some arms waiting to hold me, and strengthen me for tomorrow.

His.

In Love and in Peace,


Cheri ♥



*Some photos are ours... some free art online.  Enjoy them all. :)