Deep in Thought

Hi.

Me again.

Buried and tired and trying to stay above the water line.  It's harder on some days than others.

Rob is doing okay!  He's still sleeping quite a bit, but when he's awake, he continues to become more of who I know.  More of who he knows.  It doesn't always last long, but it is there.  His hair continues to grow  --  it's getting hard to see his scalp through the fuzzy growth!  And the color continues to return, back to that rich, salt-n-pepper darkness that's his alone.

Love the smile in the sky. :)

I sit here in the quiet of the night, watching and listening to him sleep, as I wonder why I'm afraid to call for the pathology results.  I just don't want to do it yet.  But I will.  Maybe tomorrow, I breathe, as I have for the last two days.  We're both hoping for good news so we can re-learn how to relax again.  Even if for but a while.

We have been enjoying the beautifully cool late evening breezes, in the 50's, and feeling wonderful!  Refreshing and soothing and calming and crisp... and so good to sleep with it swirling softly around us.  Darby and Gypsy are enjoying it, too! 

(For those who don't know them, Darby is our Eeyore-ish 70-pound black-furred snuggly protector.  And Gypsy is our canine-wanna-be feline, who is spoiled rotten by the Robster.  Of course.  He is a gentle kitten inside himself, so I kind of understand the relationship.  Gypsy really tries to be good, but hasn't achieved perfection in that area yet.  I'm getting frustrated at finding my books and magazines with little teeth holes in the corners.  *Sigh*  There's no changing a cat!)

Please keep your prayers going for any hurt you see or hear about.  Prayers are SO powerful, SO life-changing... and SO needed by all.

Well, I'm going on hour 20 of being awake, and sleep is tugging at me... hard.  So I think I'm going to give in and be carried away, at least for a little while.

I pray God washes you in His peace and grace.  You just need to ask Him to.

This forgiven child knows.

Good night. :)

Cheri ♥

 

Today's Appointment Update...

Hi!

Very quick update... I have to leave in 9 minutes, and still have to feed the dog and get ready!  Aaaagh!

The appointment went well, not as painful as Rob was anticipating, and quicker than expected!  (To be repeated yearly.)

The specimen was taken and sent to pathology, and we'll find out the results in about 1-1/2 weeks.  If all goes well, we are hoping to enjoy a quiet summer!

Our appointments will resume in September, October, November, December, and well into the new year for the oncologist, surgeon, CT scans, bloodwork...  They're going to keep a close eye on him, as the cancer can flare up, especially within the first 1-2 years.  

The surgeon, at our urging, shared that with Rob's cancer diagnosis, his odds of surviving 5 years are about 20-30 percent.  That's better than what we learned from the National Cancer Institute:  12-15 percent.  We'll take all we can get!

Rob's in good spirits, but still dealing with major headaches most every day now... most likely a side effect from the chemo, so we're told.

Okay, gotta run!

Love to all, and thank you for the enveloping prayers!

In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

Surgeon Appt. Wednesday, July 17th

Hi, it's me again...  The woman who keeps disappearing from the blog-writing!

Sorry.

My job is taking a toll on me.  I work in a place without air conditioning, and come home soaked and completely sapped of any resemblance of energy.  I sit and look at my lists and piles, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up with a sore neck!  Sheesh.

I need to do some rearranging and changing and prioritizing.  If I can only stay awake!

Rob and I went to the Olive Garden for our anniversary dinner (having been blessed by family members...).  He's never been there before, can you believe that?!  He loved it and ate a LOT!  Afterwards, we went to a very cool frozen yogurt place called Cool Yo, where you fix your dessert from a wide choice of flavors and toppings, and pay by weight.  It was great, but Rob had a HUGE creation of treats, and paying almost $12 for two desserts can't happen too often!  LOL!  But he enjoyed it, and that was the point.  Mission accomplished (thank you H&D!)!

July 2013

Tomorrow we finally will see the surgeon  -  I verified the appointment this afternoon to make sure it wasn't rescheduled again.  We've waited long enough on pins and needles, so to speak.  The doctor will do a "urethral wash," which will be as unpleasant as it sounds.  But he'll send the fluid he collects to pathology to see if there are any cancer cells present.  If you'll remember, some of the original cancer cells were found in the urethra.  Some of it was removed when they formed the ileal conduit, but some remains that they will have to continue to check.  So, even though our appointment is tomorrow, we'll have to wait for the pathology report to come in.  It's okay.  We're enjoying the time we've had away from all medical professionals.

Rob is still sleeping for long periods of time, and still dealing with sometimes daily headaches.  There is more 'pepper' returning to his colorless chemo hair, and he said the texture is much better now, too.  Yeah!  It's so nice not to have all that poison coursing through him.  He hasn't had any bloodwork in some time now, so we're not sure exactly where that stands.

He's doing better on his blood sugar, but still overdoing it on certain foods.  I know, the Cool Yo wasn't the best idea, but it was needed nonetheless.  Needed.  And enjoyed.  :)

I hope you have a blessed day and a blessed week.  I pray you have air conditioning, or at least a cool place to be during the hot weather that is upon most of us.

Okay, I've got to go now.  I've fallen asleep and had to erase typos several times already!

We love you all, and so appreciate everything about you.  Thank you, as always, for your continuing prayers.  I can't even explain what a blessing that you are to us.

I'll let you know more when we do.

In Love and Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri  ♥

Patiently (sort of) Waiting...

Yes... 
I've been avoiding the online world for a little while now.  

Not a lot has changed as we await the surgeon appointment next Wednesday afternoon... the one that was rescheduled three weeks ago.  We don't talk about it much.  Whether it be worry or concern or fear or just avoidance, we don't talk much about it.  We just wait.

Rob is still sleeping quite often, for long periods of time.  But when he's up, he's much more alert without all that chemo raging/ravaging through him.  That's good to see.  And I think a little color is coming back in his hair!  That's good, too!  

He has been dealing with many headaches... bad ones that aren't helped with regular meds.  We don't know why, and I think we're both afraid to want to know why.  We just pray they don't stay.

With the exception of a few humiliating and humbling flawed-product days/nights, all is going well in our world.  Life is different, but it is life just the same.  

And that, too, is good!

I'm trying to finish unpacking the last of the boxes... just about there. It's the quilt room that's taking time, but I love being in there... whether it's finished or not.  I don't have the cable hooked up in that room on purpose.  I just watch old movies, and listen to music... to soothe my soul!  


I was off work last week and had so many things to accomplish, but my list of things to help me 'chill' seemed longer than the time I had.  Isn't that what usually happens?  I think I need a year or two to relax and get through my piles and books and papers and projects.  Or I just need less of the 'stuff.'  But I like my stuff.

My daughter has had my heart, too, the last few weeks as she continues to pass out and deal with the myriad of symptoms related to (or not related to) the Chiari.  Hiding my tears from her and Rob is getting harder and harder some days.  But my strength is in God, and He gets me through the days.  I just wish I could take away all the bad.  Everywhere.

Even with it all and through it all, the peace continues to cover us.

~~~~~~~~~
 
I've been having fun buying and selling on Craig's List, and furnishing the apartment with things I need (well, that may be a bit strong) at pennies on the dollar.  It's a challenge that I enjoy!  Well, it's kept me busy and entertained.  Doesn't take much these days.  :)
 

Tomorrow is our two year anniversary... ♥  

The time has been filled and has flown by in an instant, so it seems.  Even though it has been a time of many stresses and many tears, I am happy to have been able to be together during it all.  And I'm happy that he is still here with me.  Even if he's sleeping.  :)

I hope you are all enjoying a beautiful summer, and spending time soaking in all the beauty around you... the beauty in nature, and the beauty in the love of family and friends.  You can't get much better than that!

Thank you for the continuing lifting of us all in prayer.  Right back at you. ♥ 


In Love and Filled with Peace,

Cheri ♥ 

Postponed... Again!

Hello Friends... :)

We have been on invisible pins and needles, waiting for the appointment with the surgeon to finally arrive so we can spend a couple of peaceful months (hopefully) until the next oncology appointment in September.

At the end of last week, we received a call that our appointment which was set for tomorrow has been rescheduled until July 17th... over three weeks away!  Yes, I was a little upset about that change.  This is what happened last December, and then by the time he went in for surgery in January, the cancer, being very aggressive, had spread.  Rob and I both had tried, though silently, to prepare ourselves for tomorrow's appointment.  And now, it's been postponed.  We just wanted it to be done.

But we will remain positive about this, and believe that it's time meant for Rob to continue to regain strength, which he is doing day by day.  He is still sleeping and napping quite often, but when he's awake, he's more energetic, and his eyes are fully open, for longer and longer periods of time.  It doesn't last long, but the moments are there, and that's what's important in our 'now.'

So, we will try to put our worry-thoughts on the back burner for a few more weeks, and enjoy our days.  :)

Rob and I took our granddaughter's to church yesterday, as Nicole was having a bad Chiari day.  It was Rob's first time back in church and around people since the first week of January.  It was a little too much too soon, and even though it was a great morning, he slept most of the afternoon when we got home.  I must say I enjoyed being able to be out with him somewhere other than hospitals and doctor's offices.  I'm sure he thought so, too.  :)

Resting, rejuvenating...

...And wherever her human is, so is she.

 
I apologize that I have been gone so much.  My work is draining most of my waking hours...  Not that I'm working full time, although I've upped my days and hours to try and 'catch up' around the homefront.  But the working conditions are such (temps in the 90's+, being short-staffed, way too much stress internally and externally) that when I do get home, I am constantly falling asleep... in the middle of watching shows, and trying to read, and respond to emails, and even to type these few words.  I am only sleeping about 4 hours (if I'm lucky) and working 6.5-8 hours in 90-degree temps, constantly moving, and stressed, and putting out never-ending 'fires.'  *sigh*  I don't even realize I'm falling asleep until I wake up with ink marks trailing down my never-ending lists on my lap.  Or by hearing Rob's voice long and low... "Cheeeeerrriiiii..."  Gently trying to get me to stop the pushing to accomplish things I think I should.  I'm tired.

I know....  I know.  I'm trying to get it all under control.  I'm not always as together as people think.  ;)

*********

On a happy note, we are loving the new and spacious apartment we're in!  All but half a closet of boxes are emptied, decorations are hung, pictures and quilts adorn our walls, and most things are in their places.  There isn't a day that I walk through here that I'm not thankful that God provided this for us.  And I am excited to get busy once again in my quilt room.  It's really going to be my 'creative room', my sanctuary, my escape from reality when I need it.  

And I will.  I always do.

So, in the mean time, we will continue to be the best we can be, and to believe, and to never lose HOPE.  We continue to have faith that God is in control of all things, and that He will work all things for good.  That's the only strength I, we, need right now.

Be blessed my friends and family.  We love you, and continue to thank you for your enveloping and healing prayers!


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

YEAH!!!!!!!!!

We woke to a sunny day and cool breeze, had a leisurely breakfast, and were both quietly anticipating the coming appointment at the oncologist's office today.  

We were pretty much numb...  trying to prepare for any news, especially any bad news, yet trying to remain optimistic.  We've gotten pretty good at handling the bad stuff... which explains why we didn't react much when the doctor told us the scans looked good!  

THEY LOOKED GOOD!!! 
Thank you, Lord!


The scans didn't show anything obvious, and that's what we were hoping for!  The small nodule is still in Rob's lung, but it could just be scar tissue  --  from what we don't know, but they will continue to keep tabs on it.

Yes, we gratefully breathed a sigh of relief!  

It took two different medical technicians, and three tries, to get blood out of Rob's tired, ol' veins today.  They have just about had enough of being poked and prodded, and poisoned and atrophied.  Just about enough.

We do, however, as Rob puts it, remain "guardedly happy" about our appointment.  We still have to see the urologist/surgeon in two weeks who will be doing a more detailed procedure in the urethra, and sending it off to pathology who will be looking for any microscopic C cells... that we are praying are not found.  

If all goes well, we will be able to relax a bit and enjoy the next 2 1/2 months of the beautiful summer season before we go back to the oncologist again.

YEAH!!!  Thank you, Lord!  

After that, Rob already has scheduled the next CT of the pelvis and abdomen, and the next CT of the chest.  In fact, we have appointments booked into 2014!  We'll check in every 3 months at first, and take it from there.

Saying thank you to all of you for your prayers hardly seems big enough.  There truly are not enough words to explain how grateful we are for each and every one of you.  You have kept Rob lifted high, and kept him away from being swallowed by the darkness.  You have given us both the strength to fight, and to carry on... to just be able to function.  And the peace... wow!  The peace!  We have been washed in it, and wrapped in it, and cradled by it.  We have been able to crawl up in the arms of Jesus and rest, knowing that no matter what happens, it's all okay.

When I look back and remember all that Rob has had to deal with since last October, I am blown away at how he has remained, even in his weakness, a pillar of strength.  And though his blood counts remain below-normal low, they are not "transfusion" low any longer.  We are praying the low ones continue to rise, and the high ones continue to normalize until all the numbers are back in the middle of where they belong.

Rob remains very tired... we are told it is the lasting effects of the chemo.  He naps several times throughout the day for hours at a time (that's where he has disappeared to at this very moment), and may continue to do that for a couple of months or so.  His arm veins are lumpy and hard and swollen, but they did the work he needed them to do.  Yeah!

We are so blessed, and so humbled by those blessings.  We are blessed to have loved ones around us.  We are blessed by friends who care so deeply for us.  We are blessed by all the prayers that have come our way from friends we've known for years, and friends we've yet to meet.  We are blessed in the little things and in the big things. 

We are blessed to have time... without doctor appointments or chemo treatments or tests or surgeries.  At this present moment, we are blessed with TIME.  And yes, even knowing what the future holds, we are blessed.

Thank you, dear ones.

~~~~~~~~~ 

My appearances here will be fewer and further between, but I will keep you posted on the surgeon appointment and the following pathology reports in the next 2-3 weeks.

Go and enjoy this beautiful summer, and know that you, too, are surrounded in prayer from two very grateful souls.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥      

We're Still Here... Thankfully!

A bird from my big sis... It's me this last week!

Yes, I know.  I've been quiet for over a week now.  Well, at least quiet in my blogging...  ;)

I have been hiding from what's become our reality of late, hiding from facing it and hearing it and living it... even though it's what we do every day.  

Only two medical contacts in the last week:  one was with Rob's family doctor who has been tracking and treating the blood sugar issues, which are doing GREAT! (Thank you, Lord!)  And the second was for a chest, abdomen, and pelvis CT scan with contrast to see if the C monster is at bay for now.  We are hoping that when we see the oncologist this Tuesday, that is what we'll hear.  And in two weeks we'll be waiting once again for more pathology reports after seeing Rob's surgeon.  

One day at a time.

Amen.

Rob has been doing better!  He has a little bit of color back in his cheeks... still very ashen, but not what we saw a week and a half ago.  I can tell that his counts are still down, but hopefully they are climbing out of the dark places.  We'll have them rechecked this Tuesday as well.  Rob is still sleeping a lot, but he seems a bit 'perkier' when he's awake, and we're taking that as a good sign.  We like good signs.  :)

~~~~~~~~~

The new apartment has been like a breath of fresh air to us!  It is bright and roomy and quiet  --  still too many un-emptied boxes, but we're learning to look past them... for now.  I have been working more hours than normal, and that has been sucking away whatever energy I had planned for finishing the unpacking.  I come home with lists in hand of things to accomplish, but I am sapped of strength to do much other than fall asleep in my chair thinking about which to do first.  So I will start this new week with a new list.  And with high hopes, I will move that rubber tree plant, and cross things off each day.  (I still like to sing that old song when I'm feeling a bit blue!)

I started this morning being blessed to be with my beautiful daughter and her family at church, singing praises and being lifted... tears streaming down my face as I sang it out and soaked it in... being emptied and being filled.  I couldn't ask for a better start to a day.  (Rob was home sleeping, still not able to be around people until he's stronger  -  inside and out.)  After church, we all celebrated with my first-ever nephew who graduated from high school!  (We are so proud of you, Robbie!)  When I got back home, I shared all my day with Rob, and he smiled and laughed... and he was a part of it, at least a little bit, through me.  (Thank you, Lord!)

I did manage to set up our balcony before dinner, for the most part.  I still need some potting soil and plants for the three big pots, but I set up my windchimes and cement bunnies, along with other metal art-deco treasures I couldn't part with, and it's like a little covered sanctuary to sip early morning coffee or enjoy a late evening breath of fresh air.  I like it.  Alot.  So does Rob, and Darby, and Gypsy.  :)

Well, I have a few other things to catch up on before I leave for work at 6:15am, so I will bid you tidings for a fabulous week, filled with smiles and happy memories, filled with wondrous miracles, filled with life and with love and with strength and with promise.

Because each day is a new day and a new chance to be better.  Better at caring and sharing, at smiling and laughing, and at listening with understanding hearts.  Just better at being who we're meant to be.

I'll be back Tuesday night with our oncology visit results.  We are so thankful and blessed by your prayers.  Even though this road we're on has been a FULL one, we are FILLED with love and with peace each day, all day long.  

You have been the Prayer Warriors surrounding us, and lifting us.

And we are thankful for you all, continually.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥