Postponed... Again!

Hello Friends... :)

We have been on invisible pins and needles, waiting for the appointment with the surgeon to finally arrive so we can spend a couple of peaceful months (hopefully) until the next oncology appointment in September.

At the end of last week, we received a call that our appointment which was set for tomorrow has been rescheduled until July 17th... over three weeks away!  Yes, I was a little upset about that change.  This is what happened last December, and then by the time he went in for surgery in January, the cancer, being very aggressive, had spread.  Rob and I both had tried, though silently, to prepare ourselves for tomorrow's appointment.  And now, it's been postponed.  We just wanted it to be done.

But we will remain positive about this, and believe that it's time meant for Rob to continue to regain strength, which he is doing day by day.  He is still sleeping and napping quite often, but when he's awake, he's more energetic, and his eyes are fully open, for longer and longer periods of time.  It doesn't last long, but the moments are there, and that's what's important in our 'now.'

So, we will try to put our worry-thoughts on the back burner for a few more weeks, and enjoy our days.  :)

Rob and I took our granddaughter's to church yesterday, as Nicole was having a bad Chiari day.  It was Rob's first time back in church and around people since the first week of January.  It was a little too much too soon, and even though it was a great morning, he slept most of the afternoon when we got home.  I must say I enjoyed being able to be out with him somewhere other than hospitals and doctor's offices.  I'm sure he thought so, too.  :)

Resting, rejuvenating...

...And wherever her human is, so is she.

 
I apologize that I have been gone so much.  My work is draining most of my waking hours...  Not that I'm working full time, although I've upped my days and hours to try and 'catch up' around the homefront.  But the working conditions are such (temps in the 90's+, being short-staffed, way too much stress internally and externally) that when I do get home, I am constantly falling asleep... in the middle of watching shows, and trying to read, and respond to emails, and even to type these few words.  I am only sleeping about 4 hours (if I'm lucky) and working 6.5-8 hours in 90-degree temps, constantly moving, and stressed, and putting out never-ending 'fires.'  *sigh*  I don't even realize I'm falling asleep until I wake up with ink marks trailing down my never-ending lists on my lap.  Or by hearing Rob's voice long and low... "Cheeeeerrriiiii..."  Gently trying to get me to stop the pushing to accomplish things I think I should.  I'm tired.

I know....  I know.  I'm trying to get it all under control.  I'm not always as together as people think.  ;)

*********

On a happy note, we are loving the new and spacious apartment we're in!  All but half a closet of boxes are emptied, decorations are hung, pictures and quilts adorn our walls, and most things are in their places.  There isn't a day that I walk through here that I'm not thankful that God provided this for us.  And I am excited to get busy once again in my quilt room.  It's really going to be my 'creative room', my sanctuary, my escape from reality when I need it.  

And I will.  I always do.

So, in the mean time, we will continue to be the best we can be, and to believe, and to never lose HOPE.  We continue to have faith that God is in control of all things, and that He will work all things for good.  That's the only strength I, we, need right now.

Be blessed my friends and family.  We love you, and continue to thank you for your enveloping and healing prayers!


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

YEAH!!!!!!!!!

We woke to a sunny day and cool breeze, had a leisurely breakfast, and were both quietly anticipating the coming appointment at the oncologist's office today.  

We were pretty much numb...  trying to prepare for any news, especially any bad news, yet trying to remain optimistic.  We've gotten pretty good at handling the bad stuff... which explains why we didn't react much when the doctor told us the scans looked good!  

THEY LOOKED GOOD!!! 
Thank you, Lord!


The scans didn't show anything obvious, and that's what we were hoping for!  The small nodule is still in Rob's lung, but it could just be scar tissue  --  from what we don't know, but they will continue to keep tabs on it.

Yes, we gratefully breathed a sigh of relief!  

It took two different medical technicians, and three tries, to get blood out of Rob's tired, ol' veins today.  They have just about had enough of being poked and prodded, and poisoned and atrophied.  Just about enough.

We do, however, as Rob puts it, remain "guardedly happy" about our appointment.  We still have to see the urologist/surgeon in two weeks who will be doing a more detailed procedure in the urethra, and sending it off to pathology who will be looking for any microscopic C cells... that we are praying are not found.  

If all goes well, we will be able to relax a bit and enjoy the next 2 1/2 months of the beautiful summer season before we go back to the oncologist again.

YEAH!!!  Thank you, Lord!  

After that, Rob already has scheduled the next CT of the pelvis and abdomen, and the next CT of the chest.  In fact, we have appointments booked into 2014!  We'll check in every 3 months at first, and take it from there.

Saying thank you to all of you for your prayers hardly seems big enough.  There truly are not enough words to explain how grateful we are for each and every one of you.  You have kept Rob lifted high, and kept him away from being swallowed by the darkness.  You have given us both the strength to fight, and to carry on... to just be able to function.  And the peace... wow!  The peace!  We have been washed in it, and wrapped in it, and cradled by it.  We have been able to crawl up in the arms of Jesus and rest, knowing that no matter what happens, it's all okay.

When I look back and remember all that Rob has had to deal with since last October, I am blown away at how he has remained, even in his weakness, a pillar of strength.  And though his blood counts remain below-normal low, they are not "transfusion" low any longer.  We are praying the low ones continue to rise, and the high ones continue to normalize until all the numbers are back in the middle of where they belong.

Rob remains very tired... we are told it is the lasting effects of the chemo.  He naps several times throughout the day for hours at a time (that's where he has disappeared to at this very moment), and may continue to do that for a couple of months or so.  His arm veins are lumpy and hard and swollen, but they did the work he needed them to do.  Yeah!

We are so blessed, and so humbled by those blessings.  We are blessed to have loved ones around us.  We are blessed by friends who care so deeply for us.  We are blessed by all the prayers that have come our way from friends we've known for years, and friends we've yet to meet.  We are blessed in the little things and in the big things. 

We are blessed to have time... without doctor appointments or chemo treatments or tests or surgeries.  At this present moment, we are blessed with TIME.  And yes, even knowing what the future holds, we are blessed.

Thank you, dear ones.

~~~~~~~~~ 

My appearances here will be fewer and further between, but I will keep you posted on the surgeon appointment and the following pathology reports in the next 2-3 weeks.

Go and enjoy this beautiful summer, and know that you, too, are surrounded in prayer from two very grateful souls.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥      

We're Still Here... Thankfully!

A bird from my big sis... It's me this last week!

Yes, I know.  I've been quiet for over a week now.  Well, at least quiet in my blogging...  ;)

I have been hiding from what's become our reality of late, hiding from facing it and hearing it and living it... even though it's what we do every day.  

Only two medical contacts in the last week:  one was with Rob's family doctor who has been tracking and treating the blood sugar issues, which are doing GREAT! (Thank you, Lord!)  And the second was for a chest, abdomen, and pelvis CT scan with contrast to see if the C monster is at bay for now.  We are hoping that when we see the oncologist this Tuesday, that is what we'll hear.  And in two weeks we'll be waiting once again for more pathology reports after seeing Rob's surgeon.  

One day at a time.

Amen.

Rob has been doing better!  He has a little bit of color back in his cheeks... still very ashen, but not what we saw a week and a half ago.  I can tell that his counts are still down, but hopefully they are climbing out of the dark places.  We'll have them rechecked this Tuesday as well.  Rob is still sleeping a lot, but he seems a bit 'perkier' when he's awake, and we're taking that as a good sign.  We like good signs.  :)

~~~~~~~~~

The new apartment has been like a breath of fresh air to us!  It is bright and roomy and quiet  --  still too many un-emptied boxes, but we're learning to look past them... for now.  I have been working more hours than normal, and that has been sucking away whatever energy I had planned for finishing the unpacking.  I come home with lists in hand of things to accomplish, but I am sapped of strength to do much other than fall asleep in my chair thinking about which to do first.  So I will start this new week with a new list.  And with high hopes, I will move that rubber tree plant, and cross things off each day.  (I still like to sing that old song when I'm feeling a bit blue!)

I started this morning being blessed to be with my beautiful daughter and her family at church, singing praises and being lifted... tears streaming down my face as I sang it out and soaked it in... being emptied and being filled.  I couldn't ask for a better start to a day.  (Rob was home sleeping, still not able to be around people until he's stronger  -  inside and out.)  After church, we all celebrated with my first-ever nephew who graduated from high school!  (We are so proud of you, Robbie!)  When I got back home, I shared all my day with Rob, and he smiled and laughed... and he was a part of it, at least a little bit, through me.  (Thank you, Lord!)

I did manage to set up our balcony before dinner, for the most part.  I still need some potting soil and plants for the three big pots, but I set up my windchimes and cement bunnies, along with other metal art-deco treasures I couldn't part with, and it's like a little covered sanctuary to sip early morning coffee or enjoy a late evening breath of fresh air.  I like it.  Alot.  So does Rob, and Darby, and Gypsy.  :)

Well, I have a few other things to catch up on before I leave for work at 6:15am, so I will bid you tidings for a fabulous week, filled with smiles and happy memories, filled with wondrous miracles, filled with life and with love and with strength and with promise.

Because each day is a new day and a new chance to be better.  Better at caring and sharing, at smiling and laughing, and at listening with understanding hearts.  Just better at being who we're meant to be.

I'll be back Tuesday night with our oncology visit results.  We are so thankful and blessed by your prayers.  Even though this road we're on has been a FULL one, we are FILLED with love and with peace each day, all day long.  

You have been the Prayer Warriors surrounding us, and lifting us.

And we are thankful for you all, continually.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

 

Prayers Needed and Appreciated...

Greetings!

Rob and I left for the hospital yesterday just after noon for what we were hoping would be a very short stay in the Medical Short Stay Unit for Rob's last chemo treatment.  But we had an adventure coming we weren't completely prepared for...

In just one week, all of Rob's blood counts bottomed out...  red blood count, white blood count, platelets, hemoglobin (just to mention a few) were extremely low, way below the low-normal expected.  I should have known... He's been sleeping most of the time, his skin is ashen, and he just didn't seem right.  I just assumed it was from the chemo.  I would look at him and think what an awful toll this has taken on him.  The doctors don't tell you that.  They smile and say it will be for a short time, and that you'll do fine.  The truth would have been better to hear... all the details.  ALL the details.

After phone calls back and forth between the hospital, the oncologist, the billing department (they have to know who's paying before proceeding), and Rob's provider, we settled in for a while.

After about 5 hours I had to run home to let our Darby out, and I found myself wiping tears from my eyes all the way there.  After letting her out and feeding her, I was drenched running to the car as the worst of the storm passed overhead.  It was okay, it felt cleansing.  And I was trying to get back as fast as I could.  

The transfusion begins... ♥

When I returned, I found out they gave Rob that scary injection to help his red blood count.  This drug tells his bone marrow to get going!  Then, the nurse drew his blood for type and match... that took 2 more hours.  Once the match was made and papers were signed assuming all risk, Rob had a transfusion... only 3-1/2 more hours (less than what we were expecting!) and we were on our way home.  Just before the transfusion was done, Rob started getting color back in his face, and really perked up!  He was awake and talking... a lot for him lately... and it was great to see and hear!  They handed us a list of reactions to watch for and instructions to follow throughout the night.

We pulled into our parking lot 11 hours after we left.

Have I told you how much I love my daughter Nicole and her hubby Mike and their beautiful girls, Izzy and Ally?  I can't find enough words to tell you how much!  When Mike got off work, he picked up Nicole and the girls, and they came to the hospital and picked up our keys...dropping off letters and smile-making artwork for Rob.  Then they went to our old apartment, loaded their van with all the miscellaneous things strewn about that didn't fit into boxes, and thoroughly cleaned the apartment so we could turn the keys over today.  Then they drove here to our new place, and carried all of the things up to our apartment... each girl manning a door while Mommy and Daddy worked as a team emptying their van.  (Mind you, Nicole and the girls were with me all during moving day, from dawn to dusk, helping, working hard, non-stop.)  Then, they waited in the parking lot to give us back the keys to save us an additional trip this morning.  

Tears in my eyes?  Yes. ♥

We are truly and awesomely blessed!

So, we have to head back to the hospital this morning, because Rob needs another injection to help build his white count.  They told him to stay away from everyone, and to wash his hands constantly.  And to make sure he gets back this morning for that WBC boost he so badly needs.

Rob is still sleeping.  I woke him gently at 6:30am to take his temp (part of my instructions).  It was great!  (Thank you, Lord!)

Rob is such a strong man.  You don't even know all the details of how he's been feeling... we just share what we can share.  But even at his lowest points, he still tries to get his smile out.  Weak as it is, it is still there.  And great to see!  I can't even imagine how wretched he's been feeling, I can only see what it's done to him physically.  When I look into his eyes, mine start to tear up.  It hurts, deep inside.

This morning I sit quietly for a few moments and enjoy the rising sun and cool breezes, knowing that the heat and storms are on their way in again this afternoon.  I am hoping the only storms we experience today are weather-related.

Okay, time to get on with my day.  I have boxes to empty, and things to sort out, purging of both material and internal things.  We'll head to the hospital again mid-to-late morning for the injection, turn over our old keys, and come back home to regroup.  And unpack.  

Actually, I'm making decent progress with the boxes... just need the time to finish.  :)

Have a very blessed day today, and share the smile deep in your heart.  Not just for yourself, but for those who surround you.  We need it as much as you do.

Love to you all, and a huge 'thank you' from the bottom of our hearts for your continuing and strengthening prayers.


In Love and Completely Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥

Disappearing Soon... Just for a while! :)

Hello dear ones...

I am praying you've had a blessed day with your families and friends, and that you were able to take a quiet moment to prayerfully thank all the men and women who have given of themselves to give us the opportunity to live in freedom and peace and safety.

Rob and I will be without internet and phone after this evening until we are all settled in our new apartment by the coming weekend.  We have a few busy days in front of us, but nothing we can't handle!

Thank you to all who have offered to help in the move... your offers have been such a blessing to us!  However, with all my methodical packing (putting it nicely) and the fact that for the first time in my life there will be movers and a moving truck to do the brunt of the work, we are aiming for smooth sailing and a soft landing!  Really, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  The packing every waking home hour for the last month have been therapeutic for me, and the days have disappeared in a flash.  

Though I still don't know how I fit all this stuff in this place... :)

The chemo treatment last Thursday really sent Rob into a downward spiral that he is just (barely) starting to come out of.  Remember how his veins shut down in his right arm after the first treatment?  Well, it happened in his left arm after last Thursday.  You can see the veins in his arm, dark and hard... a defiant "in your face" that they are tired, and sick, and done.  So, we will try to work around the bad ones left in his right arm for this Thursday, just for one more dose of the chemo... just one more.  Then he is DONE.  And you can believe we will be REJOICING, for as long as we can!!!  No matter what the future brings, on that day, we will be FINISHED with this chapter in our lives!!!

Rob has spent most of the days sleeping more than awake, but it's good that he's able to go away to that nice, pain-free place where the time can pass quickly for him.  Even through it all, he continues to laugh and joke, and remain mostly positive, even though his eyes are usually half open, and his focus not direct.  It's okay.  At least he's still here.

I'll be dropping him off in the early hours before the movers come, where he will be able to rest and relax in a lovely place with central air, with a dog and a cat, and peace and quiet.  (Thank you Mike, Colie, Izzy, and Ally!)  I will have my three favorite girls with me during the packing and unpacking and organizing, and then Rob will come home to a new and happy, somewhat organized *home*... a new chapter beginning!

I will try to get our nurse Carolyn's 'Happy Dance' on video, or at least snap a few pics, and post them soon after we're back online.  Just thinking about it is making my whole being smile!  I want to be that kind of a person... the kind that when people think about me, they smile.  That's my goal. :)

I ask that you keep Rob lifted and surrounded in prayer, that his last chemo treatment goes well, that his blood counts are still high enough pre-chemo that he is able to forego that scary injection again, and that his veins are able to tolerate, without pain or frustration, the last dose of poison that Rob ever wants to feel.  And that the side effects are few and fast-fading, and that his strength returns, and that the cancer doesn't.

Your prayers have meant so much to us.  

So much that just thinking about all of them that have been raised on our behalf brings tears to my eyes even as I type this note.  You have no idea of the power behind your simple and kind gestures...  We have literally felt the power surrounding us, helping the days (and nights) to go smoother than what they should have.  And God's peace that has become a part of us... it's amazing, awesome, indescribable.  

You have clothed us, washed us, in peace and in love, in calmness of spirit, and in strength to endure.  As I think back over the last 6-7 months since Rob was first diagnosed, I know that we would not be in the good place that we're in without all of you loving us and helping us.  And I'll never be able to thank you enough for it all.  

But I will do my best to pay it forward.

May God richly bless you all... I love you!


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥  

Thank you!

Thank you so much for the prayers for Rob!  His blood counts still remain below normal, and he is still anemic, but the hemoglobin, which if it fell 9/10's of a point meant a transfusion, actually went UP 2/10's since last week!  Yeah!  It is small, but huge!  So, no scary injection today! :)  (Thank you, Lord.)

Rob's chemo day went fairly well... Just one IV poke, quick bloodwork results, and one of our favorite nurses, Carolyn.  Rob had quite a bit of burning with the Gemzar again today, and Carolyn slowed the drip down which helped with the pain... a little bit.  Rob kept rubbing his arm and it helped the burning to subside somewhat.  His veins are getting tired of trying to deal with these poisons.  He rubbed and rubbed, and soothed himself back to dreamland, sleeping through the rest of the second-to-the-last bag he ever wants to see.

As we sat there this afternoon, Rob told me he's not going to do anymore chemo after this round is done.  He said that if the testing he's going to undergo throughout June comes back with any cancer, he's going to eat what he wants and drink what he wants and do what he wants... and none of his "wants" include anything at all relating to chemotherapy.  I said, "Okay."

When we got home, Rob laid on the bed and was fast asleep.  He woke for meds, than back to sleep.  Then up for dinner, and we watched disc two of season one of Downton Abbey.  I love this show, and I'm not sure if Rob is loving it too, or just tolerating me loving it.  Although I think he's enjoying it as well...  I love Netflix!  (Thank you, Holly!)

On another happy note, doubling his blood sugar meds seem to be doing the trick!  We've been seeing positive results for lower readings for the first time in a long time  --  and we are THRILLED about that!  (Thank you, Lord.)

~~~~~~~~~

Well, in six more days we will be spending the first night in our new apartment!  We are living amongst boxes...  many piles of tall boxes along most walls!  We've been sweating on the hot days since selling the air conditioner, freezing on the cold days since packing all our sweaters and jackets, eating smaller meals since all but two pans are stacked in cardboard, and walking in smaller spaces as we maneuver around the piles.  But in the long run, the organized strategy will help me get things put in order quickly in the new place, and we will be so thankful for more ROOM and all our stuff back where it belongs!  These next few days may feel like we're camping out, but we're tough enough to make it through. :) 
 

New haircut... :)

My work let me take next week as a vacation week, and I am so thankful for the time off!  We move on Wednesday, get the phone/TV hooked up Thursday morning, chemo Thursday afternoon, clean out the balance of the old place and turn over keys on Friday, and I will attend a memorial service on Sunday, on behalf of both Rob and I.  And in between it all, I will be unpacking and sorting... smiling through the exhaustion... and I'll return to work at 7am the next Monday morning.

Thankful.  It's what we are and who we are.  Thankful for the blessings in our lives.  Thankful that God loves us and is protecting and providing for us.  Thankful for the uplifting prayers that are healing and helping.  Thankful that although some days are pushing our limits, we know it's never more than we're able to get through.  Thankful that we're not on this journey alone.  Thankful that we're loved and cared about.  

Thankful, so much, for you, for all you're doing to help us through these days.

We look forward to the LAST chemo treatment next week, and for the Happy

Dance from our nurse, Carolyn.  She told us today that she's working diligently on her routine.  :)  She has been a blessing to us... helpful, hopeful, and  keeping smiles in our hearts.  And if I can figure out how to record a video on my little camera (as the instruction book is in one of the boxes surrounding me), we will share the Happy Dance with you.  ;)

Thank you again.  And forever.

We love you all.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri (and Rob) ♥  

Again Already

Where is the time going?  This past week flew by.  I can't believe tomorrow is another chemo day already.  It is.

As each week goes by, I see the toll these poison potions are taking on Rob.  His voice change came on slowly after the double blast last week, but it is lingering this time.  And he's sleeping.  A lot.  He seems to rest and nap more than he's awake these days, but that's probably a good thing.  Because he doesn't have to stay in this reality for too long.  He can escape, if even for just a little while.

I cut off the remains of Rob's ponytail earlier this week.  That was a hard one.  But I shaped the ends and layered the back so it lays nicely at the nape of his neck.  It's weird how all his dark locks are the ones that left, and just the gray, wispy ones held on.  Most of them, anyway.  

Tomorrow when we get to the hospital, they'll check Rob's blood to see where his counts are.  If they are too low, he'll get the injection of the Aranesp (Procrit).  That's the one that will hold off his need for a transfusion.  But it also has all the bad side effects that he had to literally sign off on last week:  cancer reoccurring quickly, heart attack, stroke, dying sooner than expected  --  all high possibilities.  But he's so tired of feeling so bad, that he's not afraid of it.  That's what he told me tonight.  I, however, am.  But I will have faith in the fact that he's choosing what he needs to choose.  And I will stand by his decision and by his side. 

There are just two more treatments in this last round.  Just two more.  Then he can rest, and regain his strength, and get back to who he is.  Was.  Is.  Just two more.  Just two.  Please keep Rob wrapped in prayer for healing, for strength, for wisdom and guidance and direction... in all things.

In this last week we also lost a dear lady friend, a school mate from Rob's youth, who fought valiantly, and courageously, and positively against the C monster.  We were going to get together and meet face to face when she was feeling better and Rob was feeling better.  But that didn't work out like we hoped it would.  

We will meet someday, just in a better place.  

They're everywhere... ♥

Though I never had the opportunity to meet Debby in person, we shared lives through type, and I could see the smiles in the words I read.  She loved her husband and daughter and family and friends... she loved life and enjoyed it to the full!  I am sad but blessed to have been able to be a part of her.  Rest in peace, dear Debby.  You touched me for good.  ♥

Rob stayed awake with me through "Chicago Fire" tonight... almost like a date!  LOL!  He's always a little apprehensive  --  about everything  --  the closer the chemo days come.  But tonight he was doing great, smiling a bit more, and even joking his bad jokes.  ;)

Praying tomorrow is a good today, with high-enough counts, no bad injection reactions, only one IV poke, no pain with infusion, and a short stay in the Short Stay.  Not that we don't love the nurses there, because we do.  We would, much rather, be at home. 

Be blessed  --  in good and bad, happy and sad, abundance or little.  There is good everywhere, sometimes it just takes you as the key to keep that door open.

Goodnight... :)


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥