A One Poke Chemo Day!

I know, I haven't updated in a little while.  Not too much has changed in our world of doctors and drugs lately.

One WONDERFUL thing occurred yesterday though...  Rob's veins held up for the chemo, and it only took ONE IV poke!  Thank you, Lord!!!

There was a two hour wait to get the chemo started yesterday afternoon, as Rob was running a low-grade fever, and was just on the cusp of not being able to take the treatment.  We had to wait for bloodwork results and an okay from the oncologist.  Whew, it was good to go!  

We are trying to be so careful about disinfecting everything, and washing hands, and wearing a mask when he has to go into crowds, and asking people not to visit.  His blood counts are below normal now, making him susceptible to catching things we can't even see or hear.  I am so afraid I'm going to bring something home from work...  I wish sick people would just stay home.  My hands look 50 years older and drier than they should look  --  from all the scrubbing and Germ-X.  Yuck.

And I miss our kisses.  I don't like being afraid to kiss him.  But I am.

Rob's experiencing terrible nausea that just won't quit... unless he eats.  While he's eating, he's fine.  When he stops, it starts and won't let up.  The oncologist just prescribed a third anti-nausea pill.  The one drawback with this one -- other than making him more tired and dizzy, and warning him not to drive or do anything that requires clear thinking  -- it makes him even more susceptible to infection with a warning from the drug manufacturer to stay away from people who may be carrying any type of infection.  Great.  Our world is getting smaller by the day.  But if it helps the nausea to stop, or at least to quiet it for a while, we'll do whatever it takes.

He showed me how he feels... then smiled big afterwards. :)

Rob is tired.  Physically tired from the toll that the treatments are already taking on him.  Tired knowing that he's not even half-way through yet.  And he's emotionally tired, too.  He's tired of the changes he sees in himself, and tired of being tired.  

But having said that, he remains positive, and happy most every day.  He still shares his corny jokes, laughs out loud at things that strike his fancy, and tries to always take the better side of things he hears and sees.  He is a gentle giant, a peaceful warrior...  a good man who tries his best to be his best.  He's fighting a good fight that he can be proud of.  He is handling this time in life very well, and I know that God is pleased to see him filled with such calm and grace.  

Thank you for keeping him lifted up and wrapped in prayers.  ♥

Today we will spend the day here together.  I have cleaning and sorting to do while he catches up with friends and music on his compy.  Maybe we can get in a movie or two between naps.  And, it's going to be sunny and near 50 degrees today, so maybe a nice walk around a block or two with Darby will work.  Even just sitting on the chairs outside our place in the beautiful sunshine.  I almost pulled the flower pots out of storage at 6am when I set our chairs out front... but thought it may be a bit premature in good ol' Michigan.  Drats.

You know, just being here together is a good day all on it's own. 

Be blessed, dear friends.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri  ♥  

     

Rocky Start on Two

Well, things can't always go as planned.  But it could have been worse, so we're okay with this day we've had...

First IV... Swelling begins

The 7-8 hour day turned into a 10 hour day.  Rob's nurse, Cheryl, was great!  She got the IV into his left arm with one try, and started with the saline drip, then the extra water flush to protect his kidneys prior to the actual chemo.  After a little while, his vein shut down, evidenced by swelling in the area where the fluids would no longer pass through his 'angry' veins.  I can't say I blame those blood carriers of his  --  they've been through the wringer lately.

So, on the first try again, Cheryl started IV number 2 lower in his arm.  Rob then had both of the anti-nausea drips going in.  And his vein shut down again.  So the nurse started IV number 3 in Rob's right hand, getting it on the first try.  They started the first chemo drug drip, and within minutes, his vein shut down.  Really.  Thankfully, we were all keeping smiles on our faces, with the exception of the quick grimaces as the new needle entered each time.  

Third IV...Swelling

Then, the second nurse who was helping in the short stay/infusion area today, put in IV number 4 higher up in Rob's right arm.  He was able to take the remaining first chemo drug, and the second chemo drug, and the large bag of the water flush with only some minor pain, which was relieved when they wrapped his arm in warm blankets to relax the veins and quicken the flow.  Whew!!!  

Fourth IV... Thumbs up!

They told us that this is what chemo does to the veins.  We were asking about the port, and they told us if they continue to have problems, that the oncologist will have to put in an order for one.  Rob's still not sure about another surgery, but that may change if our appointments continue as they have.  I was stressed, I can only imagine how Rob was feeling.  Although, he is a gentle soul, and takes things, takes life, in a more laid back way than the stressy female typing this.  I am trying to be better, but my balancing skills aren't what they used to be.  I am tired.


We arrived back home and Rob fell on the bed into a deep sleep for a couple of hours, just waking a few moments ago... for a couple of reasons no doubt:  dinner is almost done, and American Idol starts in 14 minutes!  :)  And he's still cracking corny jokes, so please know that he's doing very well!

My Gentle Giant
♥

His thinking patterns are a little scrambled, but this is common after the treatments.  We've been told all his symptoms will probably keep progressing as the treatments build up in his body.  We're trying to prepare for that.

We want to thank you for the prayers that are continually surrounding us.  They got us through this day in a good way... and I only had one major meltdown.  Hey, that's progress lately.  But really and sincerely, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

I'll try to update again in a few days and let you know how Rob's handling this latest assault/treatment that we are so thankful to be receiving.  

We are so blessed!

In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥       

Ready to Go

Tomorrow we head to the hospital for the start of Round Two!  

It's the day of both chemo drugs, and lots of IV anti-nausea and IV water "flushing," as Rob will once again also get the one drug that can do major damage to his kidneys.  But he is ready to get this done... me, too.  It will be a 7-8 hour day for us, so I have a pile of books and magazines, and snacks and lunches ready to go.  And my camera and laptop, of course!

Rob's blood counts have continued a very slow decline each week.  At the oncology appointment yesterday, we found out that Rob's red blood cell count (as well as another one or two) have now fallen below the 'normal' range.  But his doctor believes it's not low enough to be worried about yet, so we are good to continue with the treatments as planned.  So, even though Rob had the "rest" last week (no chemo or oncology appointment), the previous treatments are still continuing to affect him as they build up in his system.  The nauseousness has become a part of each day now, and doesn't seem to subside for more than an hour or so, if at all. 

We also found out that only about 12 percent of people have the problem with hair loss  -  of course  -  which Rob is continuing to experience, too.  He still has his ponytail, it's just a skinny one now.  :)

Rob will go in for another body scan about a month after the last round of chemo... late spring, early summer.  We are really praying for good results!

It's been nice to kind of lay low this past week.  And even though he had to see his primary doctor regarding his blood sugar, it was nice to not have the cancer monster staring us in the face for a change.  It's always hanging around us, just out of view, in the shadows.  It's a quiet beast, but we can feel it lurking, keeping us on edge, making people uncomfortable when they try to talk with us, and making us think about things we don't want to think about.  

So last week, we chased him away and had a few peaceful days.  

It was very nice.

We are still kindly and compassionately asking people to hold off visiting... which we understand is hard to understand.  There are so many illnesses going around, though, and we are so afraid Rob will pick up a bug from someone who may not even realize they're bringing something in.  If Rob gets sick, his body is not in the place where he can fight off infections too easily, and it will also affect his being able to continue on schedule with his treatments.  The mere fact that I have had to return to work is bad enough, as I work with the public.  I am constantly washing my hands raw and disinfecting everything in sight.  And I'm taking a handful of extra vitamin C each morning to try to help me stay healthy.  We are just trying to be cautious  --  maybe overly  --  but this is the first time we've had to deal with stage 4 bladder cancer.  I pray, sincerely, that none of you ever have to be in our shoes. 

I try not to be consumed with worries and fears, but in my weakness, they try continually to creep back in.  These are the times I drop to my knees and seek the only Strength that works... that keeps me going when all I want to do is curl up in a ball of tears.

I continue to pray for you all... whether I know your voice or not.  Your prayers are keeping us going, are keeping Rob strong throughout this journey, and help us to both breathe a bit easier.

In Love and In Peace,

Cheri  
♥
      

Enjoying the "Rest"

It is nice to have this week of "rest" from the oncologist and the chemo.  Rob is tired.  I am tired, too.  We are thankful that one month is now BEHIND us, and only three are left before us.  It's that whole feeling of time going by quickly, but slowly.  

Still.

We were finally able to get the oncologist and her office to get the orders in so we could schedule the second round of chemo for next week.  I'm trying to keep the "MaMa Bear" in line, because Rob doesn't want all the additional stress we have to deal with from the doctor and her staff... he just wants to be done.  And I don't blame him at all.  So I am trying hard to be good, and polite, and patient.  Trying hard.   

But sometimes, in frustration, after trying for so long, over and over, it just leaks out in loud spurts.  Here and there.  Or in tears.  Mostly in tears.  So instead I will try to remain thankful that we're able to get the help and treatment at all.  Yes, I will remain thankful. ♥

Rob has physically been doing pretty well.  He is daily dealing with nausea, more often than not lately, but it hasn't progressed to more than that so far.  We saw his primary doctor yesterday, and he's having to go on pills to try and keep his blood sugar levels down.  Ever since his surgery, and the start of the chemo, we haven't been able to keep his diabetes under control.  So we've added another drug to the arsenal and are hoping for great results.   

Rob  also has to start to exercise more, which we'll be able to do now that Spring is in the air.  Well, after the snowstorm coming today and tomorrow...  When it all melts away and the risk of falling on ice subsides, THEN we will get back to walking!  We haven't been able to make use of the miles of aisles in the area stores, for fear of Rob being infected from one of the many illnesses passing around our towns.  And after what happened at the hospital last week, until he gets his strength back, we will not be doing any marathons.

♥

When I came home from work this past Wednesday afternoon, Rob was just finishing up from showering.  He came out with a defeated air about him that he was trying to smile through, and said, "I lost more hair today."  I wanted to burst into tears and bury my face in his chest, but I stood quietly and we looked at each other as tears quietly welled.  (...stay strong....stay strong...)  I am physically and emotionally hurting when he hurts, now more than ever.

In the bathroom trash I found a handful of his curls.  I am amazed at his strength of character, and his acceptance of all this.  You may say that he has no choice in the matter.  But I disagree completely.  He is making a CHOICE to be happy, to smile through it, and to make jokes about it, tasteful or otherwise!  Rob is able to keep a layer of positivity about him, still able to smile through his obvious pain.  Oh, he, too, leaks fear and frustration now and then.  But all in all, he's the strongest man I've ever known.

Rob is staying busy online with his friends and with his music... the two things that give him the most pleasure during these days of this journey.  And I love the sound of his out-loud laughter when his childhood buddy, Andy, calls.  The smile on my face as I go about my work while they talk, goes down deep to the very core of my being, giving me a moment of things being right and normal in our world.  If for but a time.

I spent last night (falling asleep) online looking up all the definitions for each of the profiles they run on Rob's blood each week so I know exactly what they mean when they fluctuate.  So maybe I can fix him when they go out of whack.  Or more importantly, so I can pray more effectively for God's hand to intervene.  

I know that God is in control of all of this, that He can see the big picture in our lives, that this will bring glory to His name, and that all things work for good.  I am resting in that.  And I am drawing strength in that.  To get through each day.

Do something, right now, to make somebody smile!  Make use of all the opportunities that present themselves to you each day to brighten someone's world, be it a smile, a helping hand, or a hug.  It really is all these little things in life that matter so much... your time, your compassion, your kindness... to name but a few.

And be blessed, because you are.

In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥