Enjoying the "Rest"

It is nice to have this week of "rest" from the oncologist and the chemo.  Rob is tired.  I am tired, too.  We are thankful that one month is now BEHIND us, and only three are left before us.  It's that whole feeling of time going by quickly, but slowly.  

Still.

We were finally able to get the oncologist and her office to get the orders in so we could schedule the second round of chemo for next week.  I'm trying to keep the "MaMa Bear" in line, because Rob doesn't want all the additional stress we have to deal with from the doctor and her staff... he just wants to be done.  And I don't blame him at all.  So I am trying hard to be good, and polite, and patient.  Trying hard.   

But sometimes, in frustration, after trying for so long, over and over, it just leaks out in loud spurts.  Here and there.  Or in tears.  Mostly in tears.  So instead I will try to remain thankful that we're able to get the help and treatment at all.  Yes, I will remain thankful. ♥

Rob has physically been doing pretty well.  He is daily dealing with nausea, more often than not lately, but it hasn't progressed to more than that so far.  We saw his primary doctor yesterday, and he's having to go on pills to try and keep his blood sugar levels down.  Ever since his surgery, and the start of the chemo, we haven't been able to keep his diabetes under control.  So we've added another drug to the arsenal and are hoping for great results.   

Rob  also has to start to exercise more, which we'll be able to do now that Spring is in the air.  Well, after the snowstorm coming today and tomorrow...  When it all melts away and the risk of falling on ice subsides, THEN we will get back to walking!  We haven't been able to make use of the miles of aisles in the area stores, for fear of Rob being infected from one of the many illnesses passing around our towns.  And after what happened at the hospital last week, until he gets his strength back, we will not be doing any marathons.

♥

When I came home from work this past Wednesday afternoon, Rob was just finishing up from showering.  He came out with a defeated air about him that he was trying to smile through, and said, "I lost more hair today."  I wanted to burst into tears and bury my face in his chest, but I stood quietly and we looked at each other as tears quietly welled.  (...stay strong....stay strong...)  I am physically and emotionally hurting when he hurts, now more than ever.

In the bathroom trash I found a handful of his curls.  I am amazed at his strength of character, and his acceptance of all this.  You may say that he has no choice in the matter.  But I disagree completely.  He is making a CHOICE to be happy, to smile through it, and to make jokes about it, tasteful or otherwise!  Rob is able to keep a layer of positivity about him, still able to smile through his obvious pain.  Oh, he, too, leaks fear and frustration now and then.  But all in all, he's the strongest man I've ever known.

Rob is staying busy online with his friends and with his music... the two things that give him the most pleasure during these days of this journey.  And I love the sound of his out-loud laughter when his childhood buddy, Andy, calls.  The smile on my face as I go about my work while they talk, goes down deep to the very core of my being, giving me a moment of things being right and normal in our world.  If for but a time.

I spent last night (falling asleep) online looking up all the definitions for each of the profiles they run on Rob's blood each week so I know exactly what they mean when they fluctuate.  So maybe I can fix him when they go out of whack.  Or more importantly, so I can pray more effectively for God's hand to intervene.  

I know that God is in control of all of this, that He can see the big picture in our lives, that this will bring glory to His name, and that all things work for good.  I am resting in that.  And I am drawing strength in that.  To get through each day.

Do something, right now, to make somebody smile!  Make use of all the opportunities that present themselves to you each day to brighten someone's world, be it a smile, a helping hand, or a hug.  It really is all these little things in life that matter so much... your time, your compassion, your kindness... to name but a few.

And be blessed, because you are.

In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥