Prayers Needed and Appreciated...

Greetings!

Rob and I left for the hospital yesterday just after noon for what we were hoping would be a very short stay in the Medical Short Stay Unit for Rob's last chemo treatment.  But we had an adventure coming we weren't completely prepared for...

In just one week, all of Rob's blood counts bottomed out...  red blood count, white blood count, platelets, hemoglobin (just to mention a few) were extremely low, way below the low-normal expected.  I should have known... He's been sleeping most of the time, his skin is ashen, and he just didn't seem right.  I just assumed it was from the chemo.  I would look at him and think what an awful toll this has taken on him.  The doctors don't tell you that.  They smile and say it will be for a short time, and that you'll do fine.  The truth would have been better to hear... all the details.  ALL the details.

After phone calls back and forth between the hospital, the oncologist, the billing department (they have to know who's paying before proceeding), and Rob's provider, we settled in for a while.

After about 5 hours I had to run home to let our Darby out, and I found myself wiping tears from my eyes all the way there.  After letting her out and feeding her, I was drenched running to the car as the worst of the storm passed overhead.  It was okay, it felt cleansing.  And I was trying to get back as fast as I could.  

The transfusion begins... ♥

When I returned, I found out they gave Rob that scary injection to help his red blood count.  This drug tells his bone marrow to get going!  Then, the nurse drew his blood for type and match... that took 2 more hours.  Once the match was made and papers were signed assuming all risk, Rob had a transfusion... only 3-1/2 more hours (less than what we were expecting!) and we were on our way home.  Just before the transfusion was done, Rob started getting color back in his face, and really perked up!  He was awake and talking... a lot for him lately... and it was great to see and hear!  They handed us a list of reactions to watch for and instructions to follow throughout the night.

We pulled into our parking lot 11 hours after we left.

Have I told you how much I love my daughter Nicole and her hubby Mike and their beautiful girls, Izzy and Ally?  I can't find enough words to tell you how much!  When Mike got off work, he picked up Nicole and the girls, and they came to the hospital and picked up our keys...dropping off letters and smile-making artwork for Rob.  Then they went to our old apartment, loaded their van with all the miscellaneous things strewn about that didn't fit into boxes, and thoroughly cleaned the apartment so we could turn the keys over today.  Then they drove here to our new place, and carried all of the things up to our apartment... each girl manning a door while Mommy and Daddy worked as a team emptying their van.  (Mind you, Nicole and the girls were with me all during moving day, from dawn to dusk, helping, working hard, non-stop.)  Then, they waited in the parking lot to give us back the keys to save us an additional trip this morning.  

Tears in my eyes?  Yes. ♥

We are truly and awesomely blessed!

So, we have to head back to the hospital this morning, because Rob needs another injection to help build his white count.  They told him to stay away from everyone, and to wash his hands constantly.  And to make sure he gets back this morning for that WBC boost he so badly needs.

Rob is still sleeping.  I woke him gently at 6:30am to take his temp (part of my instructions).  It was great!  (Thank you, Lord!)

Rob is such a strong man.  You don't even know all the details of how he's been feeling... we just share what we can share.  But even at his lowest points, he still tries to get his smile out.  Weak as it is, it is still there.  And great to see!  I can't even imagine how wretched he's been feeling, I can only see what it's done to him physically.  When I look into his eyes, mine start to tear up.  It hurts, deep inside.

This morning I sit quietly for a few moments and enjoy the rising sun and cool breezes, knowing that the heat and storms are on their way in again this afternoon.  I am hoping the only storms we experience today are weather-related.

Okay, time to get on with my day.  I have boxes to empty, and things to sort out, purging of both material and internal things.  We'll head to the hospital again mid-to-late morning for the injection, turn over our old keys, and come back home to regroup.  And unpack.  

Actually, I'm making decent progress with the boxes... just need the time to finish.  :)

Have a very blessed day today, and share the smile deep in your heart.  Not just for yourself, but for those who surround you.  We need it as much as you do.

Love to you all, and a huge 'thank you' from the bottom of our hearts for your continuing and strengthening prayers.


In Love and Completely Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥

Disappearing Soon... Just for a while! :)

Hello dear ones...

I am praying you've had a blessed day with your families and friends, and that you were able to take a quiet moment to prayerfully thank all the men and women who have given of themselves to give us the opportunity to live in freedom and peace and safety.

Rob and I will be without internet and phone after this evening until we are all settled in our new apartment by the coming weekend.  We have a few busy days in front of us, but nothing we can't handle!

Thank you to all who have offered to help in the move... your offers have been such a blessing to us!  However, with all my methodical packing (putting it nicely) and the fact that for the first time in my life there will be movers and a moving truck to do the brunt of the work, we are aiming for smooth sailing and a soft landing!  Really, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  The packing every waking home hour for the last month have been therapeutic for me, and the days have disappeared in a flash.  

Though I still don't know how I fit all this stuff in this place... :)

The chemo treatment last Thursday really sent Rob into a downward spiral that he is just (barely) starting to come out of.  Remember how his veins shut down in his right arm after the first treatment?  Well, it happened in his left arm after last Thursday.  You can see the veins in his arm, dark and hard... a defiant "in your face" that they are tired, and sick, and done.  So, we will try to work around the bad ones left in his right arm for this Thursday, just for one more dose of the chemo... just one more.  Then he is DONE.  And you can believe we will be REJOICING, for as long as we can!!!  No matter what the future brings, on that day, we will be FINISHED with this chapter in our lives!!!

Rob has spent most of the days sleeping more than awake, but it's good that he's able to go away to that nice, pain-free place where the time can pass quickly for him.  Even through it all, he continues to laugh and joke, and remain mostly positive, even though his eyes are usually half open, and his focus not direct.  It's okay.  At least he's still here.

I'll be dropping him off in the early hours before the movers come, where he will be able to rest and relax in a lovely place with central air, with a dog and a cat, and peace and quiet.  (Thank you Mike, Colie, Izzy, and Ally!)  I will have my three favorite girls with me during the packing and unpacking and organizing, and then Rob will come home to a new and happy, somewhat organized *home*... a new chapter beginning!

I will try to get our nurse Carolyn's 'Happy Dance' on video, or at least snap a few pics, and post them soon after we're back online.  Just thinking about it is making my whole being smile!  I want to be that kind of a person... the kind that when people think about me, they smile.  That's my goal. :)

I ask that you keep Rob lifted and surrounded in prayer, that his last chemo treatment goes well, that his blood counts are still high enough pre-chemo that he is able to forego that scary injection again, and that his veins are able to tolerate, without pain or frustration, the last dose of poison that Rob ever wants to feel.  And that the side effects are few and fast-fading, and that his strength returns, and that the cancer doesn't.

Your prayers have meant so much to us.  

So much that just thinking about all of them that have been raised on our behalf brings tears to my eyes even as I type this note.  You have no idea of the power behind your simple and kind gestures...  We have literally felt the power surrounding us, helping the days (and nights) to go smoother than what they should have.  And God's peace that has become a part of us... it's amazing, awesome, indescribable.  

You have clothed us, washed us, in peace and in love, in calmness of spirit, and in strength to endure.  As I think back over the last 6-7 months since Rob was first diagnosed, I know that we would not be in the good place that we're in without all of you loving us and helping us.  And I'll never be able to thank you enough for it all.  

But I will do my best to pay it forward.

May God richly bless you all... I love you!


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥  

Thank you!

Thank you so much for the prayers for Rob!  His blood counts still remain below normal, and he is still anemic, but the hemoglobin, which if it fell 9/10's of a point meant a transfusion, actually went UP 2/10's since last week!  Yeah!  It is small, but huge!  So, no scary injection today! :)  (Thank you, Lord.)

Rob's chemo day went fairly well... Just one IV poke, quick bloodwork results, and one of our favorite nurses, Carolyn.  Rob had quite a bit of burning with the Gemzar again today, and Carolyn slowed the drip down which helped with the pain... a little bit.  Rob kept rubbing his arm and it helped the burning to subside somewhat.  His veins are getting tired of trying to deal with these poisons.  He rubbed and rubbed, and soothed himself back to dreamland, sleeping through the rest of the second-to-the-last bag he ever wants to see.

As we sat there this afternoon, Rob told me he's not going to do anymore chemo after this round is done.  He said that if the testing he's going to undergo throughout June comes back with any cancer, he's going to eat what he wants and drink what he wants and do what he wants... and none of his "wants" include anything at all relating to chemotherapy.  I said, "Okay."

When we got home, Rob laid on the bed and was fast asleep.  He woke for meds, than back to sleep.  Then up for dinner, and we watched disc two of season one of Downton Abbey.  I love this show, and I'm not sure if Rob is loving it too, or just tolerating me loving it.  Although I think he's enjoying it as well...  I love Netflix!  (Thank you, Holly!)

On another happy note, doubling his blood sugar meds seem to be doing the trick!  We've been seeing positive results for lower readings for the first time in a long time  --  and we are THRILLED about that!  (Thank you, Lord.)

~~~~~~~~~

Well, in six more days we will be spending the first night in our new apartment!  We are living amongst boxes...  many piles of tall boxes along most walls!  We've been sweating on the hot days since selling the air conditioner, freezing on the cold days since packing all our sweaters and jackets, eating smaller meals since all but two pans are stacked in cardboard, and walking in smaller spaces as we maneuver around the piles.  But in the long run, the organized strategy will help me get things put in order quickly in the new place, and we will be so thankful for more ROOM and all our stuff back where it belongs!  These next few days may feel like we're camping out, but we're tough enough to make it through. :) 
 

New haircut... :)

My work let me take next week as a vacation week, and I am so thankful for the time off!  We move on Wednesday, get the phone/TV hooked up Thursday morning, chemo Thursday afternoon, clean out the balance of the old place and turn over keys on Friday, and I will attend a memorial service on Sunday, on behalf of both Rob and I.  And in between it all, I will be unpacking and sorting... smiling through the exhaustion... and I'll return to work at 7am the next Monday morning.

Thankful.  It's what we are and who we are.  Thankful for the blessings in our lives.  Thankful that God loves us and is protecting and providing for us.  Thankful for the uplifting prayers that are healing and helping.  Thankful that although some days are pushing our limits, we know it's never more than we're able to get through.  Thankful that we're not on this journey alone.  Thankful that we're loved and cared about.  

Thankful, so much, for you, for all you're doing to help us through these days.

We look forward to the LAST chemo treatment next week, and for the Happy

Dance from our nurse, Carolyn.  She told us today that she's working diligently on her routine.  :)  She has been a blessing to us... helpful, hopeful, and  keeping smiles in our hearts.  And if I can figure out how to record a video on my little camera (as the instruction book is in one of the boxes surrounding me), we will share the Happy Dance with you.  ;)

Thank you again.  And forever.

We love you all.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri (and Rob) ♥  

Again Already

Where is the time going?  This past week flew by.  I can't believe tomorrow is another chemo day already.  It is.

As each week goes by, I see the toll these poison potions are taking on Rob.  His voice change came on slowly after the double blast last week, but it is lingering this time.  And he's sleeping.  A lot.  He seems to rest and nap more than he's awake these days, but that's probably a good thing.  Because he doesn't have to stay in this reality for too long.  He can escape, if even for just a little while.

I cut off the remains of Rob's ponytail earlier this week.  That was a hard one.  But I shaped the ends and layered the back so it lays nicely at the nape of his neck.  It's weird how all his dark locks are the ones that left, and just the gray, wispy ones held on.  Most of them, anyway.  

Tomorrow when we get to the hospital, they'll check Rob's blood to see where his counts are.  If they are too low, he'll get the injection of the Aranesp (Procrit).  That's the one that will hold off his need for a transfusion.  But it also has all the bad side effects that he had to literally sign off on last week:  cancer reoccurring quickly, heart attack, stroke, dying sooner than expected  --  all high possibilities.  But he's so tired of feeling so bad, that he's not afraid of it.  That's what he told me tonight.  I, however, am.  But I will have faith in the fact that he's choosing what he needs to choose.  And I will stand by his decision and by his side. 

There are just two more treatments in this last round.  Just two more.  Then he can rest, and regain his strength, and get back to who he is.  Was.  Is.  Just two more.  Just two.  Please keep Rob wrapped in prayer for healing, for strength, for wisdom and guidance and direction... in all things.

In this last week we also lost a dear lady friend, a school mate from Rob's youth, who fought valiantly, and courageously, and positively against the C monster.  We were going to get together and meet face to face when she was feeling better and Rob was feeling better.  But that didn't work out like we hoped it would.  

We will meet someday, just in a better place.  

They're everywhere... ♥

Though I never had the opportunity to meet Debby in person, we shared lives through type, and I could see the smiles in the words I read.  She loved her husband and daughter and family and friends... she loved life and enjoyed it to the full!  I am sad but blessed to have been able to be a part of her.  Rest in peace, dear Debby.  You touched me for good.  ♥

Rob stayed awake with me through "Chicago Fire" tonight... almost like a date!  LOL!  He's always a little apprehensive  --  about everything  --  the closer the chemo days come.  But tonight he was doing great, smiling a bit more, and even joking his bad jokes.  ;)

Praying tomorrow is a good today, with high-enough counts, no bad injection reactions, only one IV poke, no pain with infusion, and a short stay in the Short Stay.  Not that we don't love the nurses there, because we do.  We would, much rather, be at home. 

Be blessed  --  in good and bad, happy and sad, abundance or little.  There is good everywhere, sometimes it just takes you as the key to keep that door open.

Goodnight... :)


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥   

   

Yeah!

To say that we are OVERJOYED and THANKFUL and THRILLED that today was the last double-blast would be an understatement!  

Day one of round four is now behind us, and that's right where we want it.

The day started out a bit rough with us having to take responsibility for over $13,000 for the last three treatments... but by the end of the day, that was behind us, too.  All the proper T's were crossed and I's were dotted, and the dollars will be transferred without it taking years for us to cover on our own.  (Thank you, dear Lord!)  We needed that news.

We had one of our favorite nurses today, and she got a great vein in one try, and it lasted throughout the 8-1/2 hours we were at the hospital.  Rob had some pain with the transfusions, but not too bad.  In fact, not even bad enough to slow it down... Rob just wanted to be done.  He spent most of the day sleeping while the brew pulsed throughout his body.  It was the best place for him to be while it did it's work.

Rob never got the injection to build up his platelet count.  The hospital blamed the doctor's office, and the doctor's office blamed the hospital.  All we know is that it never happened like it was supposed to.  On the other hand, when a door closes, we can thank God for the protection, whether we understand it all or not.  Rob was just not meant to get that today.  I'm okay with that, because the side effects are a little too much for me to be comfortable with, although Rob agreed to accept the risks.

It's all straightened out now, and we decided rather than going back to the hospital again tomorrow, we will wait until the next chemo treatment on May 23rd.  They'll test his blood again, and if his counts remain low, we'll decide at that point whether to go the injection route, or play roulette with waiting it out trying to defy facing a transfusion.  At least we have another week to mull it over, and pretend life is normal.

He wanted to do "Popeye"  ... :)

When we got home, Rob was completely drained from the treatment, and he slept for about 3-4 more hours.  He could really feel the weakness today.  I could see it.  

We had a late supper, and watched the farewell of The Office, one of our favorite shows... it carried us away for awhile and filled us with laughter and smiles and happy tears.  It's a pretend world that I would like to live in some days...

~~~~~~~~~ 

So, we are counting down the rest of May...  In two weeks we will be moving, and in two weeks Rob will be done with the chemo.  Yeah!  Our Tuesdays are already full of appointments in June:  body scans, surgeon re-checks for more rogue cancer cells, oncology follow-up on the scans... But at this moment in time, after May 30th, we will have no more trips to the medical short stay unit at the hospital.  As much as we have come to love most all of the nurses there, we would rather not have to go.

♥

One really happy moment today came from our nurse, Carolyn.  We told her the other nurses mentioned that on our last chemo day that she would come and do a "Happy Dance" for us... She said this was true!  Later in the day before we left, she came and told us that she is working on a whole routine for us... She knows how to put a smile in our hearts!

Have a blessed day and a blessed week.  In fact dear ones, have a blessed life!  Don't just wait for it to happen to you... be a part of making it happen.  

And not only to you.  

But to those around you as well.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥         

Today's Oncology Appointment...

Rob had an appointment today with his oncologist  --  his pre-double-dose-chemo check-in.  

The nurse doing the blood work did a great job finding a cooperating vein with just one poke, and getting three more tubes of Rob's blood for testing.  Something happened though that was a first...  Every time Rob has gotten poked or jabbed with needles and IV's, he always grimaces.  Always!  Except for today.  He just sat there, looking in the other direction.

Something inside me froze for that moment.  And I can't even put my finger on my thoughts.  It was just noticed.

The doctor didn't keep us waiting long today.  That was nice.  Rob's blood results are showing that he is extremely anemic... to the point that if his counts fall 9/10ths of a point, he will need a transfusion.  And his doctor told us she's sure it's going to get worse.  It's from the chemo.  That dastardly poison that's supposed to be helping, when all I am witnessing are the excruciating changes in the man I see before me.

In order to try to avoid the transfusion right now, it was suggested that he agree to get an injection of Aranesp (a synthetic version of Procrit) on Thursday morning just before starting his double-blast, 7-10 hour day of chemo.

Aranesp is a drug to help his body 're-grow' it's own platelets and red blood cells.  It is only used in late stage cancer, so we're told.  It also comes with some heavy-duty side effects.  The doctor explained quite a bit about it to us both, and gave us some information to read.  Rob had to sign a form agreeing that he read the info and knows the risks involved:  that the cancer can grow faster, or he may get serious heart problems such as a heart attack, stroke, heart failure, blood clots, and that he may die sooner.  The doctor also has to sign the order, and it gets faxed into some main oncology center somewhere.

Rob seems very accepting of it all.  I'm having a hard time with all this information... Overload comes to mind.  Reality keeps trying to come close, and I keep sliding more locking bolts on the door of my soul.  I don't want all of this to be real any more.  I never did.  Sometimes it feels like we're going through all this without even being there.  It sounds crazy, I know.  But that's how it feels.  Ugly and dark and fake and real.

We spent some quiet time at home after the appointment...  Rob sleeping and perusing online favorites, as I continued to pack boxes that I picked up from Meijer just after 7am today.  I don't sleep much these days.  Too much swirling between my ears lately, and it's hard to quiet it.  So I pack.

This is just one wall, two layers deep in boxes... I've been busy. ;)

I am excited to move away from here, to start somewhere fresh, to rearrange furniture, and purge and replace things that surround us.  I find it comforting and cleansing.  I need to stay busy now.  When I stop moving, I fall alseep.  Never for long, but it keeps me from my lists, and it's aggravating at times.

I read this blog over and imagine you see stress wrapped around these words I'm typing.  But there really isn't any.  Or at least, none noticeable to me.  I am at peace.  And Rob is at peace.  We know that God has all this  --  everything  --  under control.  No matter what happens or doesn't, it will all be used for good.  

And we will learn.  For our own benefit, and for others.  To help us grow and be better.  It's all okay.

Tomorrow is scheduled to be sunny and beautiful.  Even if it decides to rain, I will be searching out the sunshine... the Sonshine.  It will be a good day.  :)

I will update after the double-blast of chemo on Thursday.  Please pray the day goes easy for Rob, and the side effects lessen, and the cancer is defeated... 

Thank you for the strength of your prayers.  

You are keeping us out of the valley. 


In Love and Washed in Peace,

Cheri ♥        

Coming out of Hiding

Wow, it's been over a week since I've updated the blog!  We've been in a sort of 'hiding' phase, enjoying time away from chemo, from the cancer, from the hospital...  It's been a nice quiet. 

After we got home from the ER last week, we received a call from the ER doctor the next day that said one of the blood cultures was showing a bacterial growth in the preliminary stages, and to make sure we contacted his oncologist right after the weekend.  So we did, and his oncologist recommended we follow-up with her, and said she wanted Rob to re-do the blood cultures again.  

Rob said 'NO.'  

Very loudly, very clearly, and with much power and control.  He's had enough.  Enough poking, enough blood-letting, just enough...  if even just for a week.  He wanted the antibiotics to run their course, hoping they would take care of the blood infection, too.  We prayed, and we believed, and we had much hope.  His temp was staying under control, so he really didn't see a need.  He was scheduled to see his family doctor that coming Thursday anyways, and also has an appointment with the oncologist on the 14th.  

So for what it's worth, Rob won that round.  And he's doing great!

We've not been able to keep Rob's blood sugar under control, as the stress and the chemo are affecting it beyond our careful monitoring.  So we have a glucometer on order, and will start tracking the numbers better to get Rob back to a safe zone.  He's handling it all in stride.

Rob spends most of the day sleeping.  A lot of that is due to the 18+ pills he takes every day.  The balance is due, I'm sure, to the stress of it all.  He feels good when he's sleeping, so I try to be as quiet as I can.  For those who know me well, it works better in theory than reality.  But I'm trying.  Things just seem to crash and fall, including me, when I'm trying my best to be quiet.  *sigh*

One of my favorite pics of us from Mother's Day 2012
♥

This coming week will start Round 4 of the chemo... and if everything goes according to plan, Rob will be done with the chemo treatments by the end of the month!  YEAH!  When I look at pictures of Rob and I from Christmas, compared to how he looks now, just over 4 months later, my eyes silently well up with tears.  This has taken such a toll on him.  Physically, emotionally, psychologically...  A total toll.  

But he remains strong in the Lord even though his own strength is sapped.  He remains positive even when he hears discouraging news.  He maintains his sense of humor, even when his body is wracked with nausea and sickness.  And he remains prayerful, no matter what comes his way.  He is strength in human form.  I am so proud of him!

As for the move, I am busy packing boxes.  Every day.  I am amazed at what I've been able to fit in our little 17'x25' apartment!  We are SO blessed by Rob's family... sister Holly, brother Stu, and Uncle Eddie for helping us by hiring a moving company to transfer us to our new home at the end of this month.  I don't know how we would have done this on our own.  My strength is sapped... I am finding this out more and more each day as I try to stack boxes on top of boxes on top of boxes.  

I am so excited for the new place!  It's larger, it's closer to my daughter and sisters and their families.  We will have a private, quiet balcony to sit on, to watch the birds, to see the wind winding through the tree branches outside our windows.  Rob is much like me, in that we need that quiet.  And I will have a room to create in... all my own.  So needed.  I miss my creative self.  It was my outlet.  And inlet.

On top of packing every waking hour, I have had great success selling off unneeded items on Craig's List.  I did it for a few different reasons (in my mind)... to get a few items on the 'wish list', and to not have to move it all!  But you see, God has everything under control as usual, and He provides for us if we but listen for direction.  We have ongoing expenses since the surgery, and ends are tight sometimes, but God is taking care of us when we need it the most.  So we will continue to stand strong and believe, and have faith that all things work for good.  Because they do.

Here is a perfect example of God's provision... One of our co-pastors, Nicki, just stopped by and prayed for us as Rob slept in the other room.  Her prayers washed over me and left behind a strength for this day that I haven't known before.  Again, God has answered prayers, He has taken care of us, and He continues to bless us when we need it most.  Nicki, you are a blessing to all who know you... and especially, to me.  Thank you... I love you, my friend.  ♥

I have such a hard time asking for help of any kind, because (I think) I have everything under control and can do it all myself.  But God knows who I am (and He loves me anyways).  He knows what we need (and He provides for us through any means possible).  Days like today make that so obvious to me.  I wish you could feel the smile in my soul.
   
If we will just listen...

and have faith... 

and believe.  ♥

~~~~

I've mentioned before about our little sick betta-fish, Juno.  I've researched the web trying to find a way to heal him, I visited two professionals in the field of bettas and tried their suggestions, and still, he didn't get better.  The last gentleman I spoke with, after hearing the way I described his listlessness, said compassionately, "They are very smart fish, but those are signs that it won't be much longer."  I said, I knew that, but he'd been like that for over a month.  He said he had never heard of a betta lasting that long in his condition, and said, "He's really trying to stay alive for you."  

I knew that.  Each morning I checked on him as he fluttered in what seemed an uncontrolled frenzy before resting back at the bottom of his tank.  And when I got home from work, the same story.  I told him how beautiful he was before I went to bed each evening.  I hand-fed him in a little container so he could reach the food easier.  But the last few days I couldn't get him to eat.  I put my hand in the tank and he swam into the cup of my hand and rested as he blinked at me.  We did this each day, as I would raise him to the top for fresh air.  When I left for work yesterday, he came right to the side of the tank and blinked at me, and tried really hard to swim around a bit.  Then he just stopped and looked at me again.  I knew.  When I got home yesterday, I couldn't find him.  Frantically I searched, and underneath the plant that he liked to lay atop, I found him  --  finally at rest.  I scooped him out in my hand and sobbed as my tears washed over him...

No, he was not just a fish.  We had a connection.  He was a living creation,  and all life is precious to me.  My heart aches for my little buddy, but I'm glad we had the time we did.

That is something I have learned even greater as Rob and I walk this journey he's on with the cancer...  
Life is precious.  Every day is precious.  And everything matters.  There are rights and wrongs, no in-betweens.  There is goodness, and kindness, and even in the ugly, we can be better.  We can't stop caring or trying to help.  And it's all about the other guy winning, and us cheering him on.

It all matters.

Thank you for the ongoing prayers for Rob (and for me).  You are our cheerleaders, and we love you all, and thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts.   


In Love and In Peace,


Cheri ♥