After we got home from the ER last week, we received a call from the ER doctor the next day that said one of the blood cultures was showing a bacterial growth in the preliminary stages, and to make sure we contacted his oncologist right after the weekend. So we did, and his oncologist recommended we follow-up with her, and said she wanted Rob to re-do the blood cultures again.
Rob said 'NO.'
Very loudly, very clearly, and with much power and control. He's had enough. Enough poking, enough blood-letting, just enough... if even just for a week. He wanted the antibiotics to run their course, hoping they would take care of the blood infection, too. We prayed, and we believed, and we had much hope. His temp was staying under control, so he really didn't see a need. He was scheduled to see his family doctor that coming Thursday anyways, and also has an appointment with the oncologist on the 14th.
So for what it's worth, Rob won that round. And he's doing great!
We've not been able to keep Rob's blood sugar under control, as the stress and the chemo are affecting it beyond our careful monitoring. So we have a glucometer on order, and will start tracking the numbers better to get Rob back to a safe zone. He's handling it all in stride.
Rob spends most of the day sleeping. A lot of that is due to the 18+ pills he takes every day. The balance is due, I'm sure, to the stress of it all. He feels good when he's sleeping, so I try to be as quiet as I can. For those who know me well, it works better in theory than reality. But I'm trying. Things just seem to crash and fall, including me, when I'm trying my best to be quiet. *sigh*
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| One of my favorite pics of us from Mother's Day 2012 ♥ |
This coming week will start Round 4 of the chemo... and if everything goes according to plan, Rob will be done with the chemo treatments by the end of the month! YEAH! When I look at pictures of Rob and I from Christmas, compared to how he looks now, just over 4 months later, my eyes silently well up with tears. This has taken such a toll on him. Physically, emotionally, psychologically... A total toll.
But he remains strong in the Lord even though his own strength is sapped. He remains positive even when he hears discouraging news. He maintains his sense of humor, even when his body is wracked with nausea and sickness. And he remains prayerful, no matter what comes his way. He is strength in human form. I am so proud of him!
As for the move, I am busy packing boxes. Every day. I am amazed at what I've been able to fit in our little 17'x25' apartment! We are SO blessed by Rob's family... sister Holly, brother Stu, and Uncle Eddie for helping us by hiring a moving company to transfer us to our new home at the end of this month. I don't know how we would have done this on our own. My strength is sapped... I am finding this out more and more each day as I try to stack boxes on top of boxes on top of boxes.
I am so excited for the new place! It's larger, it's closer to my daughter and sisters and their families. We will have a private, quiet balcony to sit on, to watch the birds, to see the wind winding through the tree branches outside our windows. Rob is much like me, in that we need that quiet. And I will have a room to create in... all my own. So needed. I miss my creative self. It was my outlet. And inlet.
On top of packing every waking hour, I have had great success selling off unneeded items on Craig's List. I did it for a few different reasons (in my mind)... to get a few items on the 'wish list', and to not have to move it all! But you see, God has everything under control as usual, and He provides for us if we but listen for direction. We have ongoing expenses since the surgery, and ends are tight sometimes, but God is taking care of us when we need it the most. So we will continue to stand strong and believe, and have faith that all things work for good. Because they do.
Here is a perfect example of God's provision... One of our co-pastors, Nicki, just stopped by and prayed for us as Rob slept in the other room. Her prayers washed over me and left behind a strength for this day that I haven't known before. Again, God has answered prayers, He has taken care of us, and He continues to bless us when we need it most. Nicki, you are a blessing to all who know you... and especially, to me. Thank you... I love you, my friend. ♥
I have such a hard time asking for help of any kind, because (I think) I have everything under control and can do it all myself. But God knows who I am (and He loves me anyways). He knows what we need (and He provides for us through any means possible). Days like today make that so obvious to me. I wish you could feel the smile in my soul.
If we will just listen...
and have faith...
and believe. ♥
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I've mentioned before about our little sick betta-fish, Juno. I've researched the web trying to find a way to heal him, I visited two professionals in the field of bettas and tried their suggestions, and still, he didn't get better. The last gentleman I spoke with, after hearing the way I described his listlessness, said compassionately, "They are very smart fish, but those are signs that it won't be much longer." I said, I knew that, but he'd been like that for over a month. He said he had never heard of a betta lasting that long in his condition, and said, "He's really trying to stay alive for you."
I knew that. Each morning I checked on him as he fluttered in what seemed an uncontrolled frenzy before resting back at the bottom of his tank. And when I got home from work, the same story. I told him how beautiful he was before I went to bed each evening. I hand-fed him in a little container so he could reach the food easier. But the last few days I couldn't get him to eat. I put my hand in the tank and he swam into the cup of my hand and rested as he blinked at me. We did this each day, as I would raise him to the top for fresh air. When I left for work yesterday, he came right to the side of the tank and blinked at me, and tried really hard to swim around a bit. Then he just stopped and looked at me again. I knew. When I got home yesterday, I couldn't find him. Frantically I searched, and underneath the plant that he liked to lay atop, I found him -- finally at rest. I scooped him out in my hand and sobbed as my tears washed over him...
No, he was not just a fish. We had a connection. He was a living creation, and all life is precious to me. My heart aches for my little buddy, but I'm glad we had the time we did.
That is something I have learned even greater as Rob and I walk this journey he's on with the cancer...
Life is precious. Every day is precious. And everything matters. There are rights and wrongs, no in-betweens. There is goodness, and kindness, and even in the ugly, we can be better. We can't stop caring or trying to help. And it's all about the other guy winning, and us cheering him on.
It all matters.
Thank you for the ongoing prayers for Rob (and for me). You are our cheerleaders, and we love you all, and thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts.
In Love and In Peace,
Cheri ♥
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