Happy New Year :)

This has been a year... 

A long year!

December 2013

It started out in early January with Rob's second, and most invasive, surgery where he was hospitalized for almost 10 days, and then many weeks of recovery at home.  Starting at the end of February, he spent four months undergoing nasty chemo treatments to prolong his life... because without them, doctors only gave him 3-6 months.  There were repeated problems with Rob's vein's shutting down, infections, etc., and he got really sick during the last part of the treatments.  He almost made it through all the treatments, but ended up having to have a blood transfusion in place of the last one.  I was afraid he would not bounce back after seeing what it did to him, but he is doing very well right now.  Even his hair has gotten some of the dark color back, and his long curls are slowly returning.  :)

We also moved to a new apartment at the end of May, and I changed jobs at the beginning of September.  And in November, Rob's retina started to detach, so that involved immediate laser surgery and weeks of re-checks.

It's all been a big blur...a BIG blur.

I am glad to see this year go.

Rob has to continue being checked out by his surgeon, oncologist, and eye doctor.  And I have to tell you, at each visit, we are a bit apprehensive.  We know what's coming, we just don't want it to come any time soon.

~~~

Have I told you how much we love all of you?

We would not have been able to get through all this without your love and support... financial, emotional, spiritual.  You have kept us surrounded in prayer, helped us to get through the eight weeks I had to take off work unpaid to care for Rob, and the reduced schedule I had for months after that.  

You have all helped us in more ways than you'll ever know.  The love, the hugs, the well wishes, and especially the prayers.  We could feel them all.  God has used this time to strengthen us, and to let us know that although we don't see the 'big picture,' He does.  We have faith that no matter what happens, it's all going to be okay.  And as I've said many times before, we're okay with that. ♥

I am hoping for a good and happy year ahead for all of you, filled with heartsongs and laughter, and a treasure chest of blessed memories.  You all continue to be in my prayers.

Rob will see his eye specialist again in January, and his surgeon in February for another urethral wash/cancer check.  I'll keep you all posted on those as they come.

Please forgive the disjointed 'feel' of this update... I'm going back to the couch now.  I spent all day yesterday sleeping there.  I am pretty sick.  Fever, chills, bad cough that's tearing up my throat, runny nose, headache, every joint and muscle aching.  Ugh.  Dumb flu.  I don't like being sick, but my body obviously needs the rest right now. 

So, from the bottom of our hearts, we wish you peace and love and happiness... treasured times and family times... filled with blessings and blessings and blessings! 

Because this is what you have given us.


A Happy and Blessed New Year to You All!!!


In Love, and Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥

Time...

Our Thanksgiving... Reasons to smile! :)

Time... I don't know where it goes, even though we're in it all the time.

I pray your Thanksgiving was good... that it filled you with more happy memories and helped you to realize all the blessings you're surrounded with every day.  Ours did.  :)

Rob has been doing pretty well lately.  No doctor appointments scheduled until after the first of the year, which is nice.  We enjoy these breaks in what's become routine for him.

His eye is continuing to heal from the laser surgery, however, he's starting to experience progressing changes with the other eye now.  If it continues, we'll have to get him in to the eye specialist before his January appointment, because it may indicate the lattice's are starting to tear  --  the other retina starting to detach.  We're supposed to be watching for these changes, and Rob is afraid it may be starting.  So we will stay on top of this.

 November 2013

I sometimes forget about where Rob is.  Day after day becomes normal, and for a brief moment here and there we forget about the big C.  We like to.  But the effects of it are always looming.  We went to see our granddaughter in her Christmas program last weekend.  We were only out for about 2 hours, but it completely wiped Rob out.  We got home and he slept for hours from the exertion of walking and staying awake, and just being out.  The same thing happened when we went out for my birthday dinner last week.

I get so swallowed up in everyday living... working, keeping up the home front, cooking  -  that sometimes I forget.  Or maybe I just don't want to remember.  But when I see this big, gentle-giant of a man, become so exhausted after so little, it hurts inside.  I watch him sleep as the evening progresses.  And I watch when I leave for work each morning.  And I watch when I go to bed.  He's so tired.  Even in the wee hours of the morning, now, I go and watch him.  I check to see that he's breathing.  Just to make sure.  And it's in these dark and quiet hours that I remember what I don't want to remember.  Even when I try not to.  

A tired guy ♥

But I remain hopeful nonetheless.

And thankful.  For the time.  The time that is going so fast and standing still.

I know that God works all things for good.  And even though I don't see the big picture, He does.  And as always, I'm good with that.

It's nearly 3am and I'm going to go snuggle into the warmth of the night that's left, as the new day will be here before I know it.  

And there's still much to do.

Our other reasons to smile. :)

Be blessed, because you are.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

HAPPY Thanksgiving!!!

Very quick update this very late evening...

The eye doctor went well on Monday...  There are still quite a few areas that can end up tearing, but the laser seems to be working and holding his retina in place... YEAH!!!  He's having a lot of trouble trying to see/focus with his left eye, but the doc doesn't want him to go for an eye exam until all the blood is reabsorbed from the hemorrhaging.  GOOD MONDAY!  We will see the eye doctor again in January to continue checking his left eye.

Today we saw Rob's surgeon for the CT results...  He said there are cysts in his liver, but they are of "stable size" and nothing to worry about now.  He said there were no obvious masses, and the lymph nodes looked good!  Rob said, "So I don't have cancer?!?"  He said, "I didn't say that, I said these results look better than what I was expecting."  He also does not know what is going on with Rob's liver... why the bloodtest results were so high.  We're supposed to be following up with a primary doctor, but for now, we are going to just lay low and enjoy the holidays.  GOOD TUESDAY!

We will see the surgeon again in February for another urethral wash to check for cancer cells.


So this Thanksgiving, we are giving thanks...  Thanks for the good test results, thanks for another breather, and thanks for you and your continuing prayers for us both.

You all mean the world to Rob and I, and we thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers so much this last year...  It's been a bumpy road, but we can't even imagine how rocky it would have been had we not been surrounded in your prayers.

So, thank you...  Thank you!

Enjoy your time with family and friends, be safe, and try not to eat too much... even though that's a big part of Thanksgiving!!!

Love to you all ♥


In Love and Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥ 

May God bless you all REAL GOOD!!!

My Dear Robert...

I don't get online like I used to.  Life is swallowing me up, and days are disappearing somewhere... I wish I could find them.
 
I checked my facebook page tonight and found that almost six days ago Rob posted a beautiful song on my wall with some words that touched my heart  -- The song, "Since You've Asked"  ( http://youtu.be/cYdAK9tNj1g ).

Rob's words to me:  


" For long yesterdays ago we spent together, for every year spent apart. For where and when we met again and began love anew. Because if your asking... ♥ :**: ♥ :) "

His words and the words in the song made me stop, and close my eyes as they overflowed with tears.  For a few moments, my tough exterior disintegrated and I was just the scared and lost little girl I keep tucked away so well on most days.  I have to, for fear of coming apart at the seams.

Life has given us a handful lately, and I'm so tired...

I should be sleeping right now.  Rob tried to wait up for me, but he was pulled to dreamland a while ago.  I stand and watch him as he sleeps... I wonder where the days have gone.  I wonder how he has remained so strong through all that he's had to go through.  But I know...  

God is keeping him going, keeping him positive and strong and filled with hope.  Me... I need some work.  If I let God in, he infuses me. And the world is good, no matter what.  It's just that I let the circumstances that surround me take over, even when I know I shouldn't.  It's raw energy most days that keeps me functioning when I just want to crumble up into a ball and blow away.

Rob is teaching me so much about faith through his valley walk.  That I need to have more trust and forgiveness and yes, more faith.  Sustaining faith.  I can't let fears get the better of me, or even the worst of me.  I need to stand on the promises of God... that He loves me and wants the best for me.  And He loves Rob and He wants the best for him, too.  Even if we don't understand things we go through... and maybe we never will...  we have to be okay with that, because God sees the big picture even when we don't know one exists.

I am so proud of you, Robert... You are a good man, and I don't understand why you've had to walk this journey you're on... we're on.  But I know that you are handling it all with grace and confidence and trust and patience.  God is using you to teach me (and others) much.  I am so thankful for you, my husband.

I need to sleep, I just had to empty my thoughts first.  

I will be up in about 3.5 hours, and Rob and I will be filling our day with his CT scan in the morning, and another check with the opthamologist in the afternoon to see if Rob will be able to avoid eye surgery.  He's having much difficulty with his left eye still, and is hoping it's just part of the healing process.

As always, thank you so much for your prayers.  They are keeping Rob lifted so high and happy, and they are keeping me from being swallowed up.  God is so awesome!!!  

And so are you. ♥

Thank you from the bottom of my being.

I pray God's blessings on you all, and I'll update as I can.  We won't know the CT results until we meet with Rob's surgeon a week from this Tuesday.

Good night, dear ones.
 

In heartfelt love, and washed in everlasting peace,

Cheri  ♥ 



 

Good Perspectives

Rob went back to the eye doc today for a one-week recheck...  Although his left eye is still hemorrhaging, the doc feels the laser from last week is starting to form the scar tissue he was hoping for that will keep Rob's retina from completely detaching in his left eye.  This is a good thing!  He wants to see Rob again next Monday afternoon to continue checking on the progress.  :)

Rob also has the CT scheduled for next Monday morning of his pelvic-abdominal regions.  He continues having some pain in the front of his belly and in his back (same area), and we're hoping it isn't all related.  (One day at a time, one day at a time...)

Rob is doing well, although still bothered a bit by the things happening with his vision that aren't clearing up quite as fast as he'd hoped.  He isn't wanting to think much about the blood results and upcoming CT scan.  He's been a bit more preoccupied with the thought of losing his vision.  He remains upbeat and full of his usual puns, which helps us both feel better.  He still sleeps quite a bit, but that's okay... he must need it as it seems to keep him balanced.
 
It started snowing late this afternoon while we were at the doctor's office.  We were on the sixth floor, and it was near sunset... so beautiful.  When we got back home, I took Darby outside, and it was still snowing.  It was so quiet, and sparkly... and even though a bit blustery and cold, I couldn't help feeling blessed to be in that picture.

The other morning driving in to work, the sky was a very dark, almost navy blue... storm clouds brewing.  But in those early morning hours the sun was up and shining hard on the Autumn leaves that were still attached to the trees:  vibrant oranges, crisp yellows, fiery reds.  SO beautiful!  Again, I was thanking God for putting that in front of me to remind me that even in the midst of turbulence, there are peaceful waters.  I was happy to be there at that time.

I've been spending free afternoons watching Christmas movies in my quilt room when I'm home... something I do every year starting in Autumn and going through Christmas.  I have over 300 movies, and yes, I like to watch them every year.  I like where they put me emotionally.

On Sunday afternoon I was watching a movie about a young carpenter who came into a town, helping everyone and blessing so many lives.  And I thought to myself, "How awesome would it be to have Jesus right there to talk to?" And no sooner did the thought cross my mind, that I heard in my heart, "I am always with you, always here to talk to you" as tears instantly streamed down my face.  This whole thought/experience took a matter of seconds, but it was so real and such a comfort to me.  I KNOW this, I just sometimes get so wrapped up in the ugliness of circumstances, that I don't keep my priorities straight... I don't LISTEN and I don't SEE.  I need to work harder on that, so I can live and breath in that Peace.   

I would really appreciate your continuing prayers for Rob and all that he's facing today and in the coming days.  And I'd like you to also pray for your own families, your neighbors, your friends, your co-workers...  For the woman running the register and the man picking up the trash.  For the factory workers and school teachers.  For everyone you see throughout your day.  I don't know if you really understand how powerful your prayers are...  But they have kept this loving, gentle-giant of mine in a good place regardless of what he's had to go through and what is yet to come.  And if that isn't enough evidence for you that prayer works, I don't know what is.

Last week I pulled out of the parking lot at work, crossing four lanes in rush hour to get to where I needed to be to get home, and just missed being taken out by a semi.  I know, stupid move.  I was tired, and on overload, and I just wanted to wash off work and go home.  Amazing Grace.  Wrapped in prayer.  God keeps letting me know he's near.  He keeps showing me every day in all I see and do and hear.  

Am I paying enough attention?

We all struggle at times with things going on in this imperfect world.  I am thankful though, that when I finally stop all the craziness that's swirling around in my brain, He is standing there with open arms to lift me up and rock me gently, filling me with His love and peace and strength... so I can do another day.

And for each new day I'm given, I am okay with all that is and all that is to come.

~~~~~~~~~

Oh my... it's after 2:30am and I am rambled out.  

Goodnight dear ones.  The sweetest of dreams and the best of days to you all.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

Heard From Rob's Surgeon...

Very quick update:

We heard from Rob's surgeon this afternoon.  It turns out there were actually TWO bloodtest results that were high.  The one I spoke of that was over double the high normal, and another, that was 298 (normal range 0-44).

Rob's surgeon (Dr. J) is concerned, and asked us to move the December CT up to next week.  However, we are seeing Rob's eye doctor on Monday, and are keeping Tuesday open for possible eye surgery to reattach his retina.

His surgeon said two weeks would be okay, but no later.  So Rob's CT of his pelvis/abdomen is on Monday, November 18th.  We'll follow up with Dr. J on Tuesday, November 26th.  Rob pushed him for what it could mean, and yes, the concern is that it could be the cancer back.  

But I'm not going there yet.  
Not today or tomorrow.
Not until I hear different.  

We are just wanting to stay on top of things.  And we thoroughly and completely trust and respect Dr. J.  He is kind, and caring, and knows what he's doing.  So we will wait.  And pray.  A lot.

Rob has had a "dry-pulling" pain in his eye most of the day, still feeling like a stick is in there.  He's also had a low-grade headache in his "brow" area.  He slept a lot throughout the day, and didn't do much of anything per doctor's orders. :)

I'm a bit out of sorts today, not feeling the best, and I need to get some sleep... 


So I will bid you a blessed evening, sweet dreams, quiet slumber, and my grateful heart.



In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

Updates For This Beautiful Autumn Day

May 2013

Hi there.  Me again.

Rob had his two different appointments today, and we were also hoping to hear back from his surgeon about the bloodwork results from last Friday that we don't understand.

So, here's how the day went:

We saw Rob's primary doc for a physical, and left without much more than we already knew about.  It's okay.  We like those kind of appointments.  A little more exercise and a little less sweets are in order, but aren't they for all of us?  ;)

This afternoon we saw an opthamologist recommended by Rob's brother and uncle.  We found out today, that had he waited any longer, there would have been devastating results.

I was writing non-stop as the doctor examined Rob and told us what had happened and what he found, and I won't go into all the details, because I don't know what most of it means.  But the long and short of it, is that both eyes have corneal tears, both have cataracts.  His right eye has a vitrious detachment, but it didn't pull the retina with it.  His left eye, however, is another story.  It started bothering him suddenly on Friday and this is why:  There is dense hemorraging with retinal tears and detachment.  Had he waited any longer, he would have been rushed to emergency surgery on the spot.  The doctor performed laser surgery on him in the office, hoping to forstall more surgery.  There is a fifty-percent chance he will still need surgery next week, or he may face blindness.  

Let's pray this laser today stops any further thought of that.

Rob is to be watched closely, and is to do NOTHING other than sitting around quietly and taking the dog out during the day.  No lifting, no sudden movements... nothing.  The doc is hoping the laser will form scar tissue behind the retina and stop the detachment.  The large amount of blood inside his eye will be reabsorbed by the body, but may also form scar tissue.

We will see the eye doc again next Monday afternoon, and if it's not better, or if anything unusual happens (dark cloud over the eye/his vision, large floaters, anything out of the ordinary), he will be in surgery next Tuesday.

We don't know what caused this, but ruled out damage from the chemo, which crossed our minds.  It just happened.  But God directed that paths that got Rob to where he needed to be today, and that's all that matters.

The procedure was painful, and as the anesthetic continues to wear off, the pain and headache are increasing despite the ibuprofen.  It went from feeling like a tearing in his eye from the laser to moments ago being described as "a stick that was dipped in superglue poking me in the eye."

We didn't hear back from Rob's surgeon about the bloodwork, but I left another message this morning.  I don't believe he's in the office on Mondays.  Rob and I will both be home all day tomorrow, and as I told his family tonight, if we don't hear anything by noon, you can bet I'll be on the phone calling them again!  

Mama bear is emerging from her summer's rest.  Growwwl... ;)

Wisdom from my sister's garden. ♥

Some have said to me with sadness, "When it rains, it pours."  

That's not a bad thing, because the ground gets saturated and the roots are nourished and new life emerges when it's time.  We don't always see the beauty until we see the final results, but there's lots in motion working out the details.

And we're still good with all that. :)

Love you all so much, and so thankful for each and every one of you.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥