Mostly Good

We finally heard back from Rob's surgeon at dinnertime tonight.  Two weeks after our visit, and what seemed like hours and days of waiting... sometimes impatiently, sometimes not.  The news was mostly good. :)

The bloodwork for his B12 levels were normal.  And so was the pathology/cytology report on the urethral wash (whew!).  The only issue, is that the two liver blood levels are still "extremely high" and the surgeon isn't sure why.  If you remember from a post in early Autumn, those high numbers caused enough concern that Rob's surgeon moved his pelvic CT up a month.  (Thankfully, it was okay.)

But there is concern as to why the bloodwork is still so high in regards to the liver.  We haven't gotten our copy of the actual results yet, but the last time, they were 4-5 times higher than they should have been.  So, from the surgeon's comment tonight, they are still there or above.  He wants Rob to follow up with his regular doc to find out his thoughts on these results.  The next pelvic CT is in June.

Rob was doing some reading, and is convinced the high liver levels are from his statin drugs he's on for high cholesterol.  I know these can contribute, but I think I'll wait to see what the doctor says.

So, Rob will be on the phone tomorrow, making another appointment for more prodding and poking, no doubt.  I'll keep you posted.  He is still dealing with headaches and fatigue daily, but doing okay!

On the home front...

In the last few weeks, I have accepted a full-time position at work... against Rob's wishes... but when I weighed all the pros and cons, it was needed.  It's only one extra day, but with more paid time off... and the added hours will help cover the added medical insurance costs we're incurring.

I struggled with the decision for weeks, but felt God had placed it in front of me... more than once.  This time I had to listen quietly for the answer.  And it came.

I think often of the days when I was not in this rat race of living, with people everywhere and impossible traffic I can't avoid... and a tune came to mind:

2012... A merry moment :)

 I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain...

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain...

Some days... back when I had all the days... I wondered if I should be doing more, being more useful, something.  Wondering if I had a brain about me at all.  And now, being back in what has become the "real world" of work and sacrifice and no time to call my own, I find myself longing the no-brainer days of old.  *Sigh*... 
Just the inner me dwelling on the surface, trying to seep it's way out.  Again.

Instead, I will go to work and use the brains God gave to me to the best of my ability, for as long as I am able to.  

And I truly am thankful for that.  Really.

God sees the big picture.  I get so wrapped up in this life sometimes that I am only seeing the moment.  I will wait on God's perfect timing.  And listen with my eyes wide open. 

I would still like to dance and be merry, though.  

I just have to find the music again.  

And I have faith that I will. :)





~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, enough on us.  We're doing okay! 

Be blessed in all you do, and know that we are praying for all of you each day! 

Side note:  I was wearing Spring jackets for the last few days, and will be waking up to nearly 10 inches of snow.  I'm realizing you just gotta have a sense of humor to stay in Michigan.  ;)

Blessed in Love and Peace and March Snow,

Cheri  ♥

Doctor Check Tuesday

Good early morning, or Good late night... depending if you're waking or retiring.

I'm sort of stuck in between.

I dozed in my chair while my favorite show was on (Downton Abbey), and now when I should be sleeping, I find the need to write.  So I do.  Sleep will come in time.

February 2014

Rob's been doing okay, handling this insanely cold winter better than I am.  I worry about him slipping and falling as he takes Darby out during the day while I'm gone, but God's been protecting them both.  If it weren't for my family all being here in Michigan, I would run away in a heartbeat.  

For sure!  

We had a bit of a reprieve, with temps in the 30's for a few days as we broke out our Spring jackets...  But this very night the temps have dropped again, and they say this infamous 'polar vortex' is making another appearance for at least the next seven days and nights, with below zero temps again, and crazy-cold wind chills.  Ugh.

Rob and I will see his surgeon on Tuesday afternoon.  I wasn't sure we were going to be able to swing this appointment, but God is good.  We had a reminder call for the appointment, with an added note that any deductibles, co-pays, etc., had to be paid at check in or the appointment would be rescheduled.  If you read the previous blog, you'll remember that Rob lost his medical coverage.  I was able to add him to my policy with my part-time job, but the costs are barely within reach.  And our deductible is in the thousands.  We don't have extra 'thousands' laying around.  And just office visits are out of range right now.  So, I spent several sleepless nights wondering what was going to happen...

A very sleepy Rob & his Gypsy, 2/14

Rob needs to keep this appointment, as he's due to have a urethral wash to check for cancer cells.  This 'wash' will check the part of the urethra that was left after surgery.  The cancer had spread through the balance of the urethra prior to surgery, as well as through the bladder and into the prostrate and pelvic lymph nodes.  So we have to keep a close watch on the whole pelvic/abdominal region.  I have been praying day and night... for peace, for rest, for healing, for answers.

Then, Saturday morning, I was inner-urged to check our online bank account before leaving for work on two hours sleep, only to be blessed to find that our tax return, which wasn't due for three weeks, had been deposited that morning.  Whew (thank you, Lord).  I wonder why I waste so much time worrying when God is in control of it all anyways.  Silly me.

So, we are hoping it is at least enough to put out the current fire, and chip down the deductible as we move forward.  Relief is a nice feeling.  :)

It may take a week or so to get the test results back, and I'll update the blog when we find out.  We still need to follow up on the last bloodwork results that came back suspicious, as well as with his eye specialist.  Trying to prioritize these days.

Okay then...  I'm going to listen to a little bit of music to soothe my soul, then sneak quietly under the covers on my side of the bed.  The other side is soundly sleeping, which I am thankful for.  Though he is tired, and has headaches, and vision disturbances, and isn't able to do all he used to do anymore... I am thankful he is able to rest.  He feels good when he's sleeping.

I keep this foremost in my mind lately, a reminder from my son-in-law:

"The Lord will fight for you;  you need only to be still."

~Exodus 14:14

I sit quietly.  Still.

I pray you have a blessed week, and that you're able to enjoy... everything.


In Love and Truly Washed in Peace,

Cheri  ♥

http://youtu.be/oab9giH2cG0  --  Listen to this beautiful version of "In Christ Alone", acapella, by David Wesley.  Brings tears to my eyes and peace to my soul.  This is how I get through these days.  :)  ♥

A Few Changes, Still Okay

Hi.  

I know it's been a while again since I updated Rob's blog.  I should really go back and re-read the last one before I write anything, but I've still got lots to do before going bed, and even then, I will only touch my pillow for a few short hours before it all starts again.  So, here goes...

Rob had some blood reports come back "not good" in late fall, and although we haven't followed up on them, his surgeon moved up the CT of his abdomen/pelvis, which looked okay!  All of us, including Rob's surgeon, were relieved and thankful from what we were expecting!

The latest, and craziest, and most stressful thing of late is this:  Rob lost the medical coverage he had for his cancer treatment and screenings.  Thanks to Obamacare, they tell us "we have fallen through the cracks."  After many tears and fears and stressy explosions with people who really don't care, we didn't know which way to turn.  Then fear stepped in and I started operating in the flesh, rather than in the Spirit.  

Sparing you all the details, I was able to stop, and take some time to process everything.  And I was reminded by my daughter of something our pastor, Cal Garcia, said:

"Satan drives;  the Holy Spirit guides."

So when I have those times, (and I do have those times) when I feel under pressure to make a split-second decision, I need to just STOP everything and weigh all the consequences.  To think things through, to pray for peace and understanding and direction.  In this process, God protected me from making a decision I would have regretted.  But He provided a solution, too.  Rob and I went to dinner and talked over many different scenarios, and it's all okay. 

I was able to add Rob to my medical coverage at work... even with the stage IV cancer.  I explained it all to them, and because it was a "life event change" they let me add him on.  Now mind you, I am only part-time, and by adding Rob it more than tripled what I was paying.  And we have a large deductible, and out-of-pocket expense.  But I have faith and peace that God will continue to provide for us what we need.  Because He does.

So those stresses we were going through for this particular thing were melted into a puddle that I joyfully jumped in, sending it away for good.  And it feels awesome.  :)

He busted out laughing after this!

Rob is scheduled to see his surgeon later this month for the urethral wash, where he'll continue to be checked for returning cancer cells.  But we're both handling it all okay.  For now.  It's always easier in the quiet times.

~~~

Rob continues to be very tired, is still battling ferocious headaches, sometimes for days, and struggles with a few other ongoing issues, but all in all, he is still here.  He made it through the first year post-surgery, and for that we feel truly blessed.  We were told due to the aggressive form of cancer, that it usually returns in the first 1-2 years after surgery.  We're counting our blessings that it's remained in hiding so far.

Rob is strong and gentle, kind and caring.  Certainly not deserving of all he's got on his plate.  But he balances that plate remarkably, with a big smile and bad joke.  It's just who he is.  :)

~~~

The days have been long and short, if that makes any sense.  Long in the cold and snow department, and short in the way they disappear.  I wish I could get a handle on the days, and make them last forever like when I was a child.  Days were long then.  I could accomplish so much!  Now, I come home from work so exhausted that I fall asleep with my dinner dishes on my lap, or a pen in hand trailing a squiggly line down my to-do list for the next day.

Sometimes I let myself go to the land of self-pity, but just long enough to fill a tissue or two with tears.  Then, God picks me up... gently... and tells me it's all going to be okay.  He's working out all these beautiful details for my life, and I just need to trust Him and believe His promises, and rest in His arms.

So I do and I will.

Something else Pastor Cal said:  

"If it's not good yet, God's not done yet."

I will wait.

~~~

I will update with any changes that may occur, and for sure after his appointment with his surgeon on the 25th.  Promise.

In the meantime, stay warm and safe if you're in this crazy snowbelt we're experiencing this winter.  Realize how blessed you are to be here and to be surrounded by people who love and care about you.  

And practice random acts of kindness.  All the time.

It does the heart good... :)


In Love and Washed In Peace,


Cheri  ♥  

Once a nut, always a nut.  :)

  

Happy New Year :)

This has been a year... 

A long year!

December 2013

It started out in early January with Rob's second, and most invasive, surgery where he was hospitalized for almost 10 days, and then many weeks of recovery at home.  Starting at the end of February, he spent four months undergoing nasty chemo treatments to prolong his life... because without them, doctors only gave him 3-6 months.  There were repeated problems with Rob's vein's shutting down, infections, etc., and he got really sick during the last part of the treatments.  He almost made it through all the treatments, but ended up having to have a blood transfusion in place of the last one.  I was afraid he would not bounce back after seeing what it did to him, but he is doing very well right now.  Even his hair has gotten some of the dark color back, and his long curls are slowly returning.  :)

We also moved to a new apartment at the end of May, and I changed jobs at the beginning of September.  And in November, Rob's retina started to detach, so that involved immediate laser surgery and weeks of re-checks.

It's all been a big blur...a BIG blur.

I am glad to see this year go.

Rob has to continue being checked out by his surgeon, oncologist, and eye doctor.  And I have to tell you, at each visit, we are a bit apprehensive.  We know what's coming, we just don't want it to come any time soon.

~~~

Have I told you how much we love all of you?

We would not have been able to get through all this without your love and support... financial, emotional, spiritual.  You have kept us surrounded in prayer, helped us to get through the eight weeks I had to take off work unpaid to care for Rob, and the reduced schedule I had for months after that.  

You have all helped us in more ways than you'll ever know.  The love, the hugs, the well wishes, and especially the prayers.  We could feel them all.  God has used this time to strengthen us, and to let us know that although we don't see the 'big picture,' He does.  We have faith that no matter what happens, it's all going to be okay.  And as I've said many times before, we're okay with that. ♥

I am hoping for a good and happy year ahead for all of you, filled with heartsongs and laughter, and a treasure chest of blessed memories.  You all continue to be in my prayers.

Rob will see his eye specialist again in January, and his surgeon in February for another urethral wash/cancer check.  I'll keep you all posted on those as they come.

Please forgive the disjointed 'feel' of this update... I'm going back to the couch now.  I spent all day yesterday sleeping there.  I am pretty sick.  Fever, chills, bad cough that's tearing up my throat, runny nose, headache, every joint and muscle aching.  Ugh.  Dumb flu.  I don't like being sick, but my body obviously needs the rest right now. 

So, from the bottom of our hearts, we wish you peace and love and happiness... treasured times and family times... filled with blessings and blessings and blessings! 

Because this is what you have given us.


A Happy and Blessed New Year to You All!!!


In Love, and Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥

Time...

Our Thanksgiving... Reasons to smile! :)

Time... I don't know where it goes, even though we're in it all the time.

I pray your Thanksgiving was good... that it filled you with more happy memories and helped you to realize all the blessings you're surrounded with every day.  Ours did.  :)

Rob has been doing pretty well lately.  No doctor appointments scheduled until after the first of the year, which is nice.  We enjoy these breaks in what's become routine for him.

His eye is continuing to heal from the laser surgery, however, he's starting to experience progressing changes with the other eye now.  If it continues, we'll have to get him in to the eye specialist before his January appointment, because it may indicate the lattice's are starting to tear  --  the other retina starting to detach.  We're supposed to be watching for these changes, and Rob is afraid it may be starting.  So we will stay on top of this.

 November 2013

I sometimes forget about where Rob is.  Day after day becomes normal, and for a brief moment here and there we forget about the big C.  We like to.  But the effects of it are always looming.  We went to see our granddaughter in her Christmas program last weekend.  We were only out for about 2 hours, but it completely wiped Rob out.  We got home and he slept for hours from the exertion of walking and staying awake, and just being out.  The same thing happened when we went out for my birthday dinner last week.

I get so swallowed up in everyday living... working, keeping up the home front, cooking  -  that sometimes I forget.  Or maybe I just don't want to remember.  But when I see this big, gentle-giant of a man, become so exhausted after so little, it hurts inside.  I watch him sleep as the evening progresses.  And I watch when I leave for work each morning.  And I watch when I go to bed.  He's so tired.  Even in the wee hours of the morning, now, I go and watch him.  I check to see that he's breathing.  Just to make sure.  And it's in these dark and quiet hours that I remember what I don't want to remember.  Even when I try not to.  

A tired guy ♥

But I remain hopeful nonetheless.

And thankful.  For the time.  The time that is going so fast and standing still.

I know that God works all things for good.  And even though I don't see the big picture, He does.  And as always, I'm good with that.

It's nearly 3am and I'm going to go snuggle into the warmth of the night that's left, as the new day will be here before I know it.  

And there's still much to do.

Our other reasons to smile. :)

Be blessed, because you are.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

HAPPY Thanksgiving!!!

Very quick update this very late evening...

The eye doctor went well on Monday...  There are still quite a few areas that can end up tearing, but the laser seems to be working and holding his retina in place... YEAH!!!  He's having a lot of trouble trying to see/focus with his left eye, but the doc doesn't want him to go for an eye exam until all the blood is reabsorbed from the hemorrhaging.  GOOD MONDAY!  We will see the eye doctor again in January to continue checking his left eye.

Today we saw Rob's surgeon for the CT results...  He said there are cysts in his liver, but they are of "stable size" and nothing to worry about now.  He said there were no obvious masses, and the lymph nodes looked good!  Rob said, "So I don't have cancer?!?"  He said, "I didn't say that, I said these results look better than what I was expecting."  He also does not know what is going on with Rob's liver... why the bloodtest results were so high.  We're supposed to be following up with a primary doctor, but for now, we are going to just lay low and enjoy the holidays.  GOOD TUESDAY!

We will see the surgeon again in February for another urethral wash to check for cancer cells.


So this Thanksgiving, we are giving thanks...  Thanks for the good test results, thanks for another breather, and thanks for you and your continuing prayers for us both.

You all mean the world to Rob and I, and we thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers so much this last year...  It's been a bumpy road, but we can't even imagine how rocky it would have been had we not been surrounded in your prayers.

So, thank you...  Thank you!

Enjoy your time with family and friends, be safe, and try not to eat too much... even though that's a big part of Thanksgiving!!!

Love to you all ♥


In Love and Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥ 

May God bless you all REAL GOOD!!!

My Dear Robert...

I don't get online like I used to.  Life is swallowing me up, and days are disappearing somewhere... I wish I could find them.
 
I checked my facebook page tonight and found that almost six days ago Rob posted a beautiful song on my wall with some words that touched my heart  -- The song, "Since You've Asked"  ( http://youtu.be/cYdAK9tNj1g ).

Rob's words to me:  


" For long yesterdays ago we spent together, for every year spent apart. For where and when we met again and began love anew. Because if your asking... ♥ :**: ♥ :) "

His words and the words in the song made me stop, and close my eyes as they overflowed with tears.  For a few moments, my tough exterior disintegrated and I was just the scared and lost little girl I keep tucked away so well on most days.  I have to, for fear of coming apart at the seams.

Life has given us a handful lately, and I'm so tired...

I should be sleeping right now.  Rob tried to wait up for me, but he was pulled to dreamland a while ago.  I stand and watch him as he sleeps... I wonder where the days have gone.  I wonder how he has remained so strong through all that he's had to go through.  But I know...  

God is keeping him going, keeping him positive and strong and filled with hope.  Me... I need some work.  If I let God in, he infuses me. And the world is good, no matter what.  It's just that I let the circumstances that surround me take over, even when I know I shouldn't.  It's raw energy most days that keeps me functioning when I just want to crumble up into a ball and blow away.

Rob is teaching me so much about faith through his valley walk.  That I need to have more trust and forgiveness and yes, more faith.  Sustaining faith.  I can't let fears get the better of me, or even the worst of me.  I need to stand on the promises of God... that He loves me and wants the best for me.  And He loves Rob and He wants the best for him, too.  Even if we don't understand things we go through... and maybe we never will...  we have to be okay with that, because God sees the big picture even when we don't know one exists.

I am so proud of you, Robert... You are a good man, and I don't understand why you've had to walk this journey you're on... we're on.  But I know that you are handling it all with grace and confidence and trust and patience.  God is using you to teach me (and others) much.  I am so thankful for you, my husband.

I need to sleep, I just had to empty my thoughts first.  

I will be up in about 3.5 hours, and Rob and I will be filling our day with his CT scan in the morning, and another check with the opthamologist in the afternoon to see if Rob will be able to avoid eye surgery.  He's having much difficulty with his left eye still, and is hoping it's just part of the healing process.

As always, thank you so much for your prayers.  They are keeping Rob lifted so high and happy, and they are keeping me from being swallowed up.  God is so awesome!!!  

And so are you. ♥

Thank you from the bottom of my being.

I pray God's blessings on you all, and I'll update as I can.  We won't know the CT results until we meet with Rob's surgeon a week from this Tuesday.

Good night, dear ones.
 

In heartfelt love, and washed in everlasting peace,

Cheri  ♥