CT & Biopsy Results - Nov. 11, 2014

This waiting has been a blessing and a frustration.

And it's what we thought.

It is the same cancer that has returned: aggressive high-grade carcinoma.
It is all around the aorta, between the lobes of the lungs, a spot in the lung, in the pelvis, and the left ureter.

Today we spoke with the oncologist about lots of things, too much to put here.  Rob is going to give chemo another whirl and see where it leads him.

The doc wanted to put in a port and start a multi-agent chemo  --  very potent  --  ASAP, and he would have to go see her the next day after each treatment for a "booster"... another dangerous potent concoction to try to keep his platelets up.  There was also talk of a heart ultrasound because the drugs can do much damage to the heart.

Feb. 2013 -- Day one of first chemo treatment.

But after a lot of consideration, Rob has chosen another route.  He is not in the same place he was when he started the last chemo in February, and Dr. B is afraid the multi-agent (4 chemo drugs  --  MVAC for those of you familiar with this beast) is going to be too much for him. 

So in 6 days we will begin a once-a-week single agent chemo, with weekly next-day doc visits as well to monitor Rob's tolerance.  There was talk of seeing an integrative medicine doc at Beaumont for other more natural treatments to use in conjunction with the chemo, but we're not sure about that right now.  One step and one day at a time.

Time.  So precious.

So now we wait to hear from the short-stay area for our scheduled time to begin again.  The doc says our goal now is to try to reduce it, or hold it at bay, for as long as possible, not to interfere with quality of life.  It will always be aggressive and trying to win.  That's why we will be meeting with Dr. B so often, so she knows exactly what's going on, how Rob's feeling, and what his wishes are.

We will hopefully be able to do both appointments on my two days off each week, so I won't miss too many hours... unless, of course, he is not feeling well following the treatments.  That's why I stayed home with him February through May last time.  He was awful sick.  

I am praying for better this time.  But I'll be home in a heartbeat if he needs me to be.  

Some things are more important.

There are times in the quiet of my life, that I ask God why He wants me to be so strong, and how He keeps me going when all I want to do is stop and curl up and cry until it stops...?  And He tells me it's so I can understand and be compassionate and help others when they are walking through valleys.  And He holds me so I can know that I can depend wholly and completely on Him for all things, no matter what.  I am not worthy, but He sees value in me.  And I am so thankful for, and humbled by, that.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow. ♥

~~~~~~~~~

Around the home...

Our tree has been up and decorated since November 1st, in honor of my Dad's birthday.  He loved Christmas, and I have so many memories sitting in the tree light at night with him... precious in my heart.  So I sit in it's light, even as I write, because it is a comfort to me.

Oct. 2014-Rob & Riley!  Too big to hold, now!

Riley is growing like a weed, and we're continuing to work on not pouncing on the cat, or biting everything in view.  I wish the big-boy teeth would emerge!  I know his gums have to be really sore.  He is trying...

I changed my hair color, and cut it a bit shorter.  Was looking for just a couple of shades darker, but it ended up being about 10 or 12 shades darker!  I look like a different person.  But that's okay, because I want to be one.

As I write, the wind is picking up and the now crunchy leaves are wildly swirling around the yard, driving our new puppy to distraction.  The sky is getting dark, and the temperature is falling quickly...  from almost 60 today to a high around 30 for the next week at least.  Nice!  This is still my favorite time of the year:  family, fireplaces, Christmas trees, Hallmark movies... :)

Rob is sleeping in the other room... the new normal.  I am praying it is because he is storing up strength and energy.  He's in for a fight, and he's going to be up for it, if I have anything to say about it. (Please, God...)
~~~~~~~~~

We'll keep you up to date on the treatments and how it's going, as we did the first time.

So until then, please continue to bless us by keeping Rob in your prayers.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.



In Love and Still Wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥
 

Quick Test Update...

Thank you all so much for the love and prayers... they are so felt and appreciated.

Just a quick update on this week so far...

Monday's CT appointment took MUCH longer than we had anticipated for a couple of reasons:

1 - We had a receptionist who had a cancer-diagnosed friend, and the receptionist was very interested in details of Rob's cancer journey... we couldn't get away from the conversation, but she must have needed to talk.  So we did, and it put the whole day way behind.  Oh well.  And...

2 - The doctors there were questioning the CT scan since Rob was just radiated a few weeks back with a different type of CT (where they found the cancer had returned), so they put in a call the the oncologist to see if it was all necessary.  I knew she would say yes, and she did.  But Rob was happy that the Beaumont staff was looking out for him.  :)

Today we left the apartment at 6am, and they had him all set up, IV-ed, and were wheeling him into the biopsy at 8am.  He was in recovery around 9:30a, and had to stay flat on his back until just after noon, when they let him leave.  We tried sneaking out without the whole "wheelchair exit," which Rob REALLY hates, but they caught us in the hallway and made him comply.  He was mumbling under his breath the whole way.

He was in a lot of pain as the meds wore off in the recovery area, and slept most of the day once we got home.  We did stop on the way home to vote... had to do our civic duty!!!  But he could barely walk, and it hurt him to do it, but it mattered to him, so we did it.  He is still hurting tonight, and can only take Tylenol for 2 days, then can go back to ibuprofen, which will work better.  The techs told us they got some good samples from the mass, although pre-biopsy they told us there was a possibility what they gather wouldn't be what they needed and we may have to repeat the biopsy.  Arrgh.  Rob already said "no" to that one. :)

Once I saw him in recovery, I asked him how he was doing, and if he was awake for the whole thing.  He said he was awake the whole time, but then he added, "wait... I may have dozed off, because I am having a lot of thoughts about being in the old west with a bunch of kids running around in a saloon..."  LOL!  Yeah, I think he was out for a bit!!! :)

I told Rob I wanted to get a pic of him pre-biopsy to email to his sis, as she is not here in Michigan, but is walking the journey by our sides nonetheless.  He told me to wait and take it after, so he would look really bad!  Brothers!!!  Sheesh!  LOL!  

Needless to say, I took it BEFORE.  :)

The results will be back in before our visit to the oncologist next Tuesday, where we will finally have some concrete plans worked out, or in motion, for the coming days.  We may try moving hospitals for the chemo treatments, should Rob choose that route, to be closer to home.  If that involves changing oncologists, we may have to do that.  We'll see... but I am already doing the research.  I want us to be prepared when we all sit down to make decisions.

Again, thank you for the prayers today...  I am sure Rob felt them, and I know I did.  

We love and appreciate you all so very much.  
Thank you for blessing us so...


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri  ♥

Busy Week... It all begins again

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, and I have a feeling it’s just going to get crazier...  


I am only going to try to handle one day at a time, and today (Sunday), it was a sunny and beautiful morning, birds singing, glistening frost on the fallen leaves, squirrels playing in the trees outside the window... so calming and quiet and pretty.  I love Autumn!


So... tomorrow (or today now), reality is going to make us pay attention.  Rob has the CT of his chest, abdomen, and pelvis just before noon.  This will give us a better idea of where the cancer has spread.


Tomorrow (Tuesday), Rob has the CT-guided biopsy of the large mass around his aorta/belly area.  They will be comparing this cancer to the bladder cancer from 2012 to see if it's the same.  This will, in turn, give us a clearer picture on the choices that Rob will make.


I hate all this... 

And I am not a hater.


I know I shouldn't worry, but when I listen to Rob, I do.  When I look at Rob, I do.  He never fully recovered from the last run with chemo... sleeps a lot, fuzzy thinking, doesn't feel well most of the time, pain, nausea... just not the same as he was.  He's not starting off in the place he started before, and I don't like that.  It takes my breath away sometimes.  

But don't get me wrong... he still has lots of fight, and he will fight.

~~~~~~~~~

On November 1st each year, Nicole and I both decorate our homes for Christmas, and put up our trees.  It's in honor of my Dad's birthday  --  he loved Christmas, and we are able to enjoy it longer.  So last night Rob and I gathered with Nicole and her family for dinner, and Rob was able to see little Benjamin for the first time, and play with the girls for a while.  Yes, play!  They sit on the floor and play whatever games the girls devise... and he is usually a female character of some sort in their plans... LOL!  He is a good sport, though, and plays until he can't.  Then he read them a couple of books, too. :)

He tired pretty quickly, and slept all evening back at home as I finished getting the tree up and decorated into the early morning hours.  He slept most of today, too --  still not feeling the best.  But I'm glad we had that time last night, and I'm glad he held the baby and let the girls love on him.  The girls know all that's going on, and they have faith that God will take care of Mr. Rob whatever happens.  And that for this day, he was well, and that's what mattered.  :)

~~~~~~~~~

There is nothing quite as peaceful to me as sitting in the glow of the lit Christmas tree in the wee morning hours when the world is sleeping... like now.  I know I should be in bed, but my mind doesn't want to stop, so I figured I'd take advantage of the time...  

I sat with Nicole's husband, Mike, today and he helped me figure out some financial things that have been quietly suffocating me.  He helped me with thoughts for the future, and he helped me get a list of priorities together, including things I have to get in motion for leave time I'll need from work when Rob needs me here.  I have been frantic on the inside trying to figure out how I am going to handle all that is coming... financially, personally, emotionally... And both Mike and Nicole told me I just need to let it all go, and concentrate on today  --  just one day at a time.  They are such blessings to me, you have no idea.  Mike rounded up my wild mind and gave me calm and decisive direction that I needed, and I love and appreciate him so very much. ♥


Well, I still have about 30-45 minutes of things to get done before I climb quietly into bed and try to read a page or two of my book before sleep comes.  Riley is in the living room with me, sound asleep, happy just to be here.  Every now and then he lifts up his head, probably wondering why in the world I'm still awake.  I love that pup!  We really needed each other at just the right time. 

God is so awesome the way He works things out for us, isn't He?  Yes... 

Whether we understand it or not.


We would so appreciate your prayers these next couple of days, and especially the days to follow as Rob contemplates all the things he's trying to juggle.  We meet with his oncologist, Dr. B, on Nov. 11th to find out what they find out.


Until we meet again, in print or in person, I bid you good tidings of great joy...



In Love and In Peace,


Cheri ♥

Oncologist Update...

Hello Dear Ones  ---


Well, Rob and I met with the oncologist late this afternoon, and we really don't know a lot more than we learned from the surgeon.  She is, however, in a BIG hurry.

Back in January 2012... so long ago now

Dr. B. wants Rob to make decisions quickly, due to the size of the mass... for she, too, said it's very large. 


So, two things need to happen next week:

1... Rob will be getting a detailed CT with contrast of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis, with her main concern being the lungs looking for more cancer spread.  This would not have shown up in the x-rays that he's been getting.  (So, my question, is why has he been getting them?  Just me asking...)  This CT has been scheduled for next Monday.

2... We are awaiting a call for a CT-guided biopsy
of lymph nodes in the mass.  They will go in through his back or side via needle.  This will tell her exactly what cancer we are dealing with.  Both she and Dr. J are pretty sure it's the same cancer as the bladder cancer, but the biopsy will tell us for sure. 

If pathology says it's a different cancer than the bladder cancer, a lymphoma, she can treat that and give him 2-3 years barring any other spread.  If it's the same cancer as the bladder cancer they found in November 2012 and January 2013, we know it has spread, and she can try to treat it with different types of chemo, depending what our insurance will cover and what she thinks he can handle.  If he tolerates it well, he can see another 6-12 months. 

If he does nothing, she said 3-6 months. 

January 2012  - Pre-cancer days

He may even start the chemo or some radiation, and not be able to tolerate it, and ask them to stop.  There are just too many "what if's" at this point in time until we get both above CT results.  But she is telling him that he has to make up his mind SOON.  

We don't have a lot of time to make decisions it seems.  I could see Rob was getting a little stressed, and a couple of times we exchanged those glances that said, "What?  Why?  No way!  What if..." and so much more in that nano second of time.  

Overwhelmed.  Overloaded.  Too much. 

We are meeting with Dr. B. again in two weeks, on Tuesday, November 11th, to go over both CT results and figure out a plan of action.

Rob asked her about the recurrence of the cancer in the left ureter, and wondering how that could be, since the kidney output seems unaffected.  She said it has not grown large enough at this point to cause a complete blockage.  Okay.  Sort of comforting.

We discussed many, many other things, and my notes were on to page two, and didn't even sound or look like the English language any longer.  I was drifting away somewhere quiet.  My hand was writing everything she said, but my mind and thoughts were frozen.  Too much, too fast.  We need TIME.  But we don't get unlimited amounts of that. We will take what we get.

But we at least have two weeks to consider things.  

These two weeks are going to drag on and disappear in a flash.


~~~~~~~~~

Okay...  Well, not the definitive answers to anything that we were expecting to hear.   *sigh*


Rob is taking it all in, asking questions, trying to sort things out.  Dealing with things pretty well, considering.  Always making jokes.  Just who he is.  He's able to just let things slide off his back so he doesn't have to carry them around.  Don't know how he does it.

One thing I have learned throughout this cancer journey so far is to have patience, have faith, deal with one day at a time, and know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle.  He must know something I don't, because in the dark, quiet hours, I don't feel I'm handling anything well at all.  I am numb and tough during the daytime, and numb and reflective under the stars.  The numb just doesn't go away.

~~~~~~~~~

On a lighter note, sweet little 15-week old Riley is keeping us very busy.  He's house-training pretty well  --  for the most part  --  and learning to sit, shake, wait, come, and just look at us with that cute, "thank you for loving me" face.  He has his moments of racing around and bouncing off things, including the cat, but he's really trying to please, in his own way.  He loves to curl up in my lap and sleep, but that may not last when he reaches his 65-70 pounds!  :)

~~~~~~~~~

January 2012

If I hear back on the results before we see Dr. B. again on the 11th of November, I'll update, although I won't know exactly what it will mean.  It may be better if I wait until we meet with the oncologist, and have some clear answers as to which path Rob chooses to travel.  So, I probably won't update until the eve of the 11th.


Until then, know that your prayers are felt, are comforting, and are so appreciated.  And know, also, that you are in our prayers each day, as well.


Blessed in Life, and Wrapped in Peace...

... no matter what comes our way.


Cheri ♥

Difficult News to Share...

Hello, Dear Friends  --


Difficult news to share... 


I took a break from the blog, because it allowed me, almost, to pretend that life was normal, whatever that means.

As most of you know, Rob was diagnosed with a very aggressive stage IV bladder cancer in November of 2012.  He had two major surgeries, four rounds of chemo, and though not quite who he was before going through all that, he was able to lead a somewhat normal life for awhile.  The chemo took a toll, left him tired all the time and the fuzzy "chemo brain" never quite left.  He continued, every six months, to be poked and proded and scanned and radiated while they looked for signs of recurrence, which we were told would most likely recur within the first two years, due to it's aggressive, invasive nature.

This past June, the scans were all good.  His liver numbers have continued to climb without anyone being able to figure out why, though.  With a normal range of 0-44, his were lingering around 200+.  Recently, the number was 568, and still nobody knows why.  The CT shows many cysts on his liver, but they have been non-changing.  Rob was scheduled for his round of testing again this December.  However, I moved them up to November just in case he needed anything more, so testing could go toward our deductible which is going to reset and start over in January.  



Rob was having some bad pain a couple of times that turned out to most likely be unrelated, but something told me to move the appointments up even more.  So every Monday so far this month he has undergone blood work, x-rays, and his regular CT scan.  This time, the news was exactly what we did not want to hear...  the cancer is back.

Not only is it back, but it's back with a vengeance.  His left ureter (which was full of cancer in 2012) is collecting fluid, and they are concerned for cancer recurrence.  But more than that, his whole belly area, closer to the back, from aorta to lower abdomen, is filled with a mass of enlarged, necrotic lymph nodes...  the cancer has metastacized.

Rob's surgeon is a kind and smart man who cares deeply for Rob, and you could see how upset he was having to give us this news today.  We had seen the reports late Thursday night online, but wanted him to explain it all to us.  He wants us to see Rob's oncologist as soon as possible (this coming Monday) to discuss options:  1 - surgery, pretty much unnecessary as they know what's happening; 2 - second line chemo to try to manage symptoms;  3 - do nothing.

Either way, with or without chemo, Rob's timeline is within a year, possibly just a few months.

Devastated?  Yes.  Scared?  Yes.  Numb?  Absolutely.

In just four months we went from nothing showing up on the scans, to a whole body full of it.  Trying to hold the tears back at the surgeons office, we spoke frankly of many possibilities, but the oncologist will be able to fill in details to help Rob figure out what is the best path to follow at this point in time.  Once in the car, my angry, fearful tears came, and the sad ones continue to well up on and off throughout all these hours.

I will post more as we find out more.

Rob asked about following up on the liver issues...  His doctor said it really wasn't anything we needed to worry about right now.  We knew that, too.

 
Other happenings of late...

In August we lost sweet Darby girl, and a part of my heart that will never mend.  She loved us completely, and was the best ever companion.  It just doesn't seem right that she's no longer here.  The hurt is painful and deep and quiet... most of the time.  Tears flowed for 48 days before I could even entertain the idea of bringing a new puppy home.  Absolutely not a replacement...  but a rescue.  

So, just two weeks ago, I returned home from an adoption event with a new little black bundle... he rescued me.  Little 14-week old Riley is bringing back some smiles, and giving Rob some good exercise up and down the stairs as we potty train him.  

Riley, not Rob.  ;)

 
Just so you know...

Rob is handling this cancer news well as always, and as expected.  His sense of humor is fully intact, and he continues to use it, even if I think it's in bad taste!!!  

After being told there may only be a few months left, Rob leaned over toward the doc and asked, "So, it's okay if I have some FRIED chicken then?"  He, the doctor, and I cracked up!  And on the way home today, he said he's going to eat red meat here and there.  A-OK with me.  :)

Rob has made a few comments to me with that quiet smile... Wondering if this is his last Autumn to see and be in, thinking about having a cigarette again (which I hope he doesn't), and asking me if I'll miss him.  He said, "Facebook existed long before I got on it, and will be around long after I'm gone.  But it won't be quite as COOL a place without me. ;) "

Things he needs to know, and things he wants to think about.   

I believe we'll be having lots of talks about lots of things in these coming days.

Please, please continue to pray for Rob, and his family, and me, too.  For strength, for peace, for clear thinking...  please continue to lift us all in your prayers.  It's your prayers that have kept us lifted and kept us going through all the bumps and hurdles on this valley walk.

And as I mentioned to our family in a note earlier today...  our faith remains strong, and we know that God is in control of all things.  Because He sees the big picture, and we don't have to understand anything more than that.


In Love and Wrapped in His Peace,

Cheri (and Rob) ♥

Quiet Times Continue...

Hello again.  It's me.

I haven't updated much.  Things haven't changed too much, and that's good.

Rob repeated bloodwork again last month after having come off some meds to see if they were the cause of his high liver numbers.  Well, they were not.  His liver numbers continue to be high.  One of them, over 6 times the 'normal' high.  So, what now?

We need a picture day soon! (2014)

His family doctor wants him to wait and go for the pelvic/abdominal CT in June as scheduled, and then he wants Rob to see the surgeon and the oncologist, and he wants them to point-blank tell him it's not a return of the cancer.  Rob and I don't know what it is, and we don't want to figure it out right now.  His belly area is swollen on that side of his body.  Not bad, but noticeable.  Rob doesn't think so, but we see through different eyes.  I want to see through his for a while.

We will wait until the end of June to find out more details.  Until then, we'll just enjoy the doctor-free days of Spring.  

The CT that is scheduled was ordered this time by the surgeon rather than the oncologist, and by the sounds of it, seems more detailed.  I am happy about that.  I put all my doctor faith in Rob's surgeon  --  he is a good and kind and caring man, and in my book, that makes a good doctor.  There is never rushing with him, never a question that doesn't get an answer, and always time to hold our hands and explain in detail, even with drawings, anything we need to know.  He is tops on my list of good doctors.  Of good people.

Rob continues to enjoy his waking hours on facebook conversing with friends known and unknown, sharing smiles and memories of old, and most of all, the music that feeds his soul.  Even though these hours don't include me, it makes my heart happy that he's happy.  He tires easily and sleeps much, still struggles with headaches and a few other things, and he prefers to be home.  Home is a good place to want to be.  I'm glad he's home.  We go out for a bit here and there, but he tires so easily, that the time passes quickly.  *sigh*

I am mostly gone.  

2012

When I'm here, I mostly sleep.  I listen to Rob's day when I return, and follow it when I can.  You, our friends who know us well, have been supportive and loving and sharing and kind to us both.  You love and include me in your words and conversations with Rob, and most especially in the prayers for him, and it touches me deeply.  You are our prayer warriors, our battle partners, walking the front line with us and for us as one.  And I thank you so much.  

My cup runneth over... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My daughter and her hubby are expecting blessing number three this fall, and it makes my heart smile!  It's one of those Lifesongs, you know?  Beautiful music... like the breeze in the branches, the waves in the sea, the beating of the heart.  Beautiful music.

And me?  I am running on empty.  I just went through another battle... this time with my insurance provider who changed my coverage when I went from part-time to full-time without telling me.  I fought it to the top, and they finally agreed I was wronged, and they let me correct it.  Another fire extinguished, but each one takes a toll.  Even though I win, I feel defeated from the fight.  Just a little bit.  I am under tremendous pressure at work to perform, and I'm finding I don't do well in those situations.  I need to find a fit, and so far I haven't.  But some things are more important right now, so I will stay and try harder.

My drive in to work is filled with prayer and inspirational words and music... things to fill me with that indescribable Peace and stave off the tears so I can do the day.  The tears sometimes come out... but quietly, and respectfully, and thankfully.  Not ever out of anger or pity, but just a silent release.  I am so grateful for all the blessings that surround Rob and I, even though some don't understand that.  But we really are richly blessed. ♥

I don't sleep much, though I try.  I sleep when I don't want to  --  when there are piles in front of me waiting to be worked on.  But in the wee hours of the darkness when I should sleep, I instead listen to the silence.  I feel your prayers for us each day, and I know they are what keep us keeping on.  So from the bottom of my humble heart, I thank you continually and completely.

In the past few months we have celebrated birthdays and holidays, and family gatherings... all filled with laughter and love and memories of good and happy times.  I like to store those up inside.  On hard days, I remember, and the smiles just come out.  More Lifesongs.

I've been staying away from the television more and more, as I am striving to focus on other things... things more meaningful and more lasting.  Things less noisy and less complicated.  My idea of a perfect morning would be sitting at the waters edge, watching the sunrise and listening to the waves calmly roll in.  But until I find that again, I will find my quiet where I can.  It's everywhere, we just have to listen.  Even here, in the midst of a community of people, I open the door as the sun starts to rise, and sit on the balcony.  I listen to the rustle of the breeze and the discussions of the birds as they prepare to welcome the day, and sometimes even the raindrops as they dance on the grass.  It's a beautiful, quiet symphony that God gives to us each day, if we don't let the busyness of life drown it out.  That's the music I want to hear.  That I need.  (Thank you, Lord!)

Tomorrow (Today) is my day off work, and after I take my Nicole and her babies to her doctor's appointment, we're off for a girl's day at the zoo!  So needed!  We are going to laugh and play and take pictures and act silly and make faces and eat a picnic lunch.  A lifetime of Lifesongs in a day.  

Ahhh, life is good, no matter what!

Okay, I'm way past bedtime again, and much to do before this head rests on the pillow.  So I bid you a loving and peace-filled day, and hope we can share smiles and hugs and happy memories together one day.  

Soon.  :)


In Love and Wrapped in His Peace,

Cheri ♥

Mostly Good

We finally heard back from Rob's surgeon at dinnertime tonight.  Two weeks after our visit, and what seemed like hours and days of waiting... sometimes impatiently, sometimes not.  The news was mostly good. :)

The bloodwork for his B12 levels were normal.  And so was the pathology/cytology report on the urethral wash (whew!).  The only issue, is that the two liver blood levels are still "extremely high" and the surgeon isn't sure why.  If you remember from a post in early Autumn, those high numbers caused enough concern that Rob's surgeon moved his pelvic CT up a month.  (Thankfully, it was okay.)

But there is concern as to why the bloodwork is still so high in regards to the liver.  We haven't gotten our copy of the actual results yet, but the last time, they were 4-5 times higher than they should have been.  So, from the surgeon's comment tonight, they are still there or above.  He wants Rob to follow up with his regular doc to find out his thoughts on these results.  The next pelvic CT is in June.

Rob was doing some reading, and is convinced the high liver levels are from his statin drugs he's on for high cholesterol.  I know these can contribute, but I think I'll wait to see what the doctor says.

So, Rob will be on the phone tomorrow, making another appointment for more prodding and poking, no doubt.  I'll keep you posted.  He is still dealing with headaches and fatigue daily, but doing okay!

On the home front...

In the last few weeks, I have accepted a full-time position at work... against Rob's wishes... but when I weighed all the pros and cons, it was needed.  It's only one extra day, but with more paid time off... and the added hours will help cover the added medical insurance costs we're incurring.

I struggled with the decision for weeks, but felt God had placed it in front of me... more than once.  This time I had to listen quietly for the answer.  And it came.

I think often of the days when I was not in this rat race of living, with people everywhere and impossible traffic I can't avoid... and a tune came to mind:

2012... A merry moment :)

 I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain...

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain...

Some days... back when I had all the days... I wondered if I should be doing more, being more useful, something.  Wondering if I had a brain about me at all.  And now, being back in what has become the "real world" of work and sacrifice and no time to call my own, I find myself longing the no-brainer days of old.  *Sigh*... 
Just the inner me dwelling on the surface, trying to seep it's way out.  Again.

Instead, I will go to work and use the brains God gave to me to the best of my ability, for as long as I am able to.  

And I truly am thankful for that.  Really.

God sees the big picture.  I get so wrapped up in this life sometimes that I am only seeing the moment.  I will wait on God's perfect timing.  And listen with my eyes wide open. 

I would still like to dance and be merry, though.  

I just have to find the music again.  

And I have faith that I will. :)





~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, enough on us.  We're doing okay! 

Be blessed in all you do, and know that we are praying for all of you each day! 

Side note:  I was wearing Spring jackets for the last few days, and will be waking up to nearly 10 inches of snow.  I'm realizing you just gotta have a sense of humor to stay in Michigan.  ;)

Blessed in Love and Peace and March Snow,

Cheri  ♥