Doctor Appointment Update

Rob's appointment today went well, and we thank you all for the prayers!  

Rob did his well-remembered 'blood letting' so his urologist/surgeon can check his blood counts and levels, and we won't get the results until next week sometime.  We meet with his regular doctor (Dr. L) next week, too, and Rob's surgeon wants us to make sure that Dr. L knows about the headaches that won't seem to leave for more than a day or two, and the extreme tiredness.  

One of the concerns we had was sort-of put to rest... at least we don't believe it's anything to worry about right now... so we won't.

We're still on for the CT scan of his pelvic and abdominal regions in about a month and a half, and will see his surgeon again the following week for those results, and possibly also be following up with the oncologist.


As for the billing issue, it may, just may, be taken care of by tomorrow.  I did have to call again, and after being transferred around, was finally able to speak with his onoclogist, who also called me back later to say she was going to handle this personally, which means a lot to us.  She is a great doctor, and has a wonderful spirit about her.  It's just the staff that is sorely lacking in organization and such.  I truly am thankful for her.

I had to call the vet early today about Darby, who took a slight downward turn again this morning.  But she's back on another round of antibiotics, and we've moved her onto a high-quality prescription dogfood made specifically for acute and chronic gastrointestinal disorders.  They say things are passing through her too quickly, and hopefully this food and the antibiotics will help.  The liver meds could take several months to work, but I was assured that the liver IS able to regenerate itself.  I am praying it does.

Rob surrounded in Autumn ♥

So that was our day.  Oh, and we grabbed some Qdoba on the way home... Rob had never eaten there before.  Colie, Mike, the girls, and I ate there in Milwaukee just before Colie's brain surgery.  Colie talked me into this big, beautiful vegetarian bean burrito that I have dreamt about ever since.  And my memories served me well... it was awesome!  And Rob, the great doubter, has a new love and appreciation for the pulled-pork variety!  LOL! :)

It was a good day, and we are hoping for more.

Thank you for praying us through this day. ♥

I'll update as I find out more, most likely in a week or so.

Have a blessed rest-of-the-week, and enjoy the treasures in each day.  
If you don't see any, make some.

In Love and In Peace, 

Cheri ♥ 

Back to Reality

Today Rob will begin seeing the doctors again.  This afternoon we will see his surgeon for a check up, and see where we go from here.  We already have bloodwork set up in November, as well as an appointment with his regular doctor.  And in December, he'll have a CT of his pelvic and abdominal regions again.  We have a couple of concerns that we hope to find answers to today, and we'll share that later.

Let me start by saying I apologize for the coming ramblings.  I have been avoiding the computer world, as it's been hard enough keeping up with the real one.  I can't seem to get a handle on reality lately.  My body and mind are not cooperating.  I work, I cook, I do dishes and laundry, I enjoy a few hours each week with my daughter and granddaughters, and I sleep.  Mostly in my chair during my favorite shows, but not much in the quiet hours when I should.  Like now.  I enjoy as much time at church as I can, for it's where I find my Strength and Peace.  And I need that real bad.  

I don't know where the time goes, but it goes nonetheless.
 
We enjoyed the lack of white lab coats for most of the summer, and are enjoying the cooler days and nights of this beautiful Autumn that's upon us.  Rob and I joined my daughter and her family at two cider mills recently, and we had a great afternoon.  My granddaughters have a way of getting Rob to laugh and play without hesitation.  They are intrigued with the changes in his body since his second surgery, and don't think twice about it being any different than anyone else.  I love that about them.  :)  By the time the afternoon was over, Rob was very tired, and slept for hours.  But it sure was great seeing him laugh and play, and enjoy life crawling through hay with the little ones.  He's a big teddybear, and they love that about him.
 

And yes, we all ate too many donuts and drank too much cider, but isn't that what Autumn is all about?  

I believe so. ;)

The bill battles continue with one of Rob's doctors, and having the day off today, I will spend part of my morning trying to get it straightened out... again.  I am tiring of the battle.  I'm sure that's what they're hoping for.

Rob still naps for hours each day, and sleeps much of the night away in front of the television.  He continues to battle headaches, and days of "just not feeling right."  But he's happy that his hair is a bit darker again, and that the curls are slowly returning.  It's the little things that count!  He's gone to bed hours ago, as I should have, but my mind is reeling tonight, and having a hard time stopping...

I haven't written anything in a while.  I miss writing.  It builds up in my brain and spills out if I don't ease the pressure now and then.  I just haven't had time, though it's a continuous stream inside.  And I haven't done any quilting or creating, either.  Anybody who knows anything about me, knows this is not me!  Creating and imagining and writing and daydreaming are a big part of who I am.  

I'm still here, just buried a bit, but searching for daylight and trying to dig my way free.

My job is going well.  And although it is still not a fit for "me", it is something I am very thankful for.  Even so, I find myself humming "white bird" quite often. ;)  Another location was robbed recently, one that a fellow trainee from my class worked at.  I don't like that possibility of this job.  I pray for protection over us.  Today my daughter and I were talking and I told her that when people are doing what we were meant to do, it won't seem like work to them.  She said she doesn't think many people find that.  Sadly, it's true.

I've seen that commercial on TV where people are asked if they could be anything they desired, what would they be?  And you see this giant "wall" filled with passions they've written, unfulfilled.  I am saddened so much by this.  So many of us have been caught up in doing what everyone else does, instead of listening to the passion God has put in our hearts... the passion to be who He created us to be, to use the gifts He's blessed us with.  So many of us just don't slow down enough, or stop the noise enough, to hear Him.  I'm trying really hard to listen these days.

Well, on the homefront, our Darby-girl is having some difficulties with her liver that we haven't been able to completely figure out yet, but I continue to try.  I have her on some natural meds that I get up at 5am each morning to give her on an empty stomach an hour before she eats.  They are supposed to help with her liver function, and later today, I'm switching her food.  She's on a top quality food now, but I'm going more natural with no added preservatives, etc., to take any burden off her liver.  I love her dearly, she is closer to me than my shadow.  I need to be able to save her.  My sister and her husband just said goodbye to their dear Max, and my daughter and her family are facing coming heartache with their Daisy.  

These days are hard ones.

Rob was able to have a "Brother Day" with his big brother Stu this weekend.  They went to an afternoon show and hung out for a while.  When they got home, Rob scared me...  I could see he was exhausted, and he did sleep for hours after the outing.  But I am so thankful they had the time together, and it was a great time. :)  It means so much to Rob.  And I loved the fact that he got out of the house for awhile, too.

When I was in high school, I remember reading a book that ended with a famous poem at the end of it.  The part of the poem that plays through my mind quite often is this:

"Where am I going?  I don't know.  What does it matter where people go.  Out to the fields where the bluebells grow... anywhere, anywhere.  I don't know."

I guess I've been searching for a while now.

Have a blessed evening, a blessed sleep, and a blessed Tuesday.  I will update the blog with anything we find out this afternoon from Rob's surgeon.

As always, we are so thankful for your prayers over the last year... through all the doctor appointments, both surgeries, the recoveries and the chemo days.  Rob wouldn't have made it to the place he is today without you.  You bless us continually, and though you don't hear from me very often these days, I pray for you all each morning.  It's my time to silently yet audibly converse with God before the crazy begins, to share my fears and frustrations, to seek guidance, to be washed in peace, and to cover you all in prayer and protection.  

You mean the world to me... to us.

And we gratefully thank you, dear ones.


In Love and So Washed in Peace...

Cheri ♥

Busy days, as Summer goes to rest...

Well, I had good intentions.  Intentions about blogging at least every Sunday to keep all of our friends and all of Rob's family and loved ones updated on how his days are going.  

I can only keep trying to be better.

I started a new job just after the last post here.  I spent the first two weeks of this month in training  -  pretty intense training for me  -  and just ended my first full week on the job.  They are willing to let me work very close to full time hours, at least through the first of the year, so I will gladly grab that opportunity.  They failed to mention to me, though, that I will only be paid bi-monthly, and in arrears to boot.  So, we've been living creatively.  :)

My head is so full of government regulations, anti-money laundering objectives, directives on diversity and fraud, and on and on...  I really didn't think this ol' brain of mine could hold much more.  I was so stressed that on the last day of training, during the final test, my overload was about to burst.  I took a breath as I prepared to stand up and say with hands of surrender in the air, "I don't want this that bad."  But as I readied to stand and announce my defeat, I felt His hands on my shoulders, and I heard Him say to only my heart, "You can do this."  And that peace washed over me as I finished the task at hand.  And even though I was one of the last to finish, I did finish.  With a score of 97.5%.  Whew.

Rob has been a trooper through all of this, too.  He has been gracious and caring as I fell in a puddle each evening I came home, so unsure of what I chose to do.  (Because of what I had to do.)  He's been keeping the home front up for me, as I would come home, get some kind of food in our bellies, and fall asleep in my chair with notes in my lap for the next day.

But each day is getting a bit better.  I have wonderful support at work, and they are really making me feel welcome and helping me.  Yesterday they told me they were really proud of me.  Warm fuzzies rained from head to toe.  It's going to be okay.  :)

 

Rob getting July birthday gifts from Izzy and Ally... :)

Rob has been dealing with headaches ever since the chemo, only they seem to be worse than they were.  He's taking some kind of pain med most days, and sometimes they don't even take away the pain.  We're not sure what the cause is, but it's on our list of questions when we see one of his doctors again.

We had an appointment scheduled with the oncologist this coming Tuesday, but they called to reschedule it just a couple of days ago.  They wanted to change it to October, but we decided not to.  We already have an appointment with Rob's urologist/surgeon in October, and since he's the one that found the cancer in the first place, we feel better about just waiting to see him.  The oncologist appointment was just for a check-in, nothing more.  And we're still battling bills with her office staff.  Ugh. 

We have an appointment scheduled through the oncologist for bloodwork in November that's needed for the CT scan he'll have the beginning of December.  And we're already scheduled to see the oncologist following that CT for results.  If things change in the meantime, I'll let you know.

Some days Rob is really upset about the surgery he had to have.  He doesn't like what it's done to his body, how it's changed him forever, how it's a constant reminder, and how it's not going to change.  My tears are silent to all but me.

Needless to say, Rob's not in a big hurry to get back to see any of the doctors.  I still quietly worry.  Most days.  He says he doesn't feel well, and I can tell.  He doesn't like to do much of anything, as he wears out quickly, and noise seems to bother him.  Any noise.  He sleeps a lot.  Between the bed and the couch, every day and night.  Sometimes I just look at him and my whole body breathes slowly.  I am so deep in thought that there are no words.  Lots of sadness, but no words.

I had a bad dream in the early morning hours Friday, and it shook me up pretty bad.  I never spoke of it and I won't.  It just made me even quieter through my Friday.  I was able to finish up the last of 29 additional online training programs throughout this last week, the longest of which was Friday.  It was good, because it occupied my mind between customers most of the day, and kept my mind from going to places I try to stay out of.  Sometimes I hate reality.

I have dozens and dozens of photos I've taken over the summer months, and probably hours of time to format them to my compy.  I may tackle that tomorrow afternoon and get some of them posted here and there.  

We've had a nice but quiet summer.  Sad and happy to see it go.  Autumn is my most favorite season of the year, and it begins this afternoon!  I am hoping it is a season of smiles and happy, of leaves and cider mills, of family and friends, and laughter and peace.  I want those memories.

Be blessed, dear ones.  You are thought of and prayed for daily.  I am so thankful for you.  Even when you don't hear from me, you are in my heart.

Goodnight.  Or, Good Morning. :)


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri  ♥

 

Quick Check In

Hello.  I'm popping in for a quick update. :)

I thank you for your kindness in respecting our absence, even though I know how you want to be updated on Rob.  We've just been in that holding period between surgeries/chemo treatments, and starting back up the long process of looking for things we're hoping not to find.

Yes.  We've kind of been hiding.  And it's okay, because we needed to.

We've had a few little spurts of cooler weather, letting us know that Autumn is on it's way.  I have mixed feelings for the first time ever, of summer coming to an end.  I am not a big fan of summer at all... way too much heat for me!  But this year it also means that our time of being free of the medical world is winding down.  We have appointments set in September, October, November, and December with the surgeon, the oncologist, and different CT scans...  All looking for something.  Something.  That ugly something we've pushed out of our minds for the days of heat and humidity.  Reality is returning. 
 
When we last saw Rob's surgeon/urologist, he said that the cancer generally reappears within 1-2 years of the surgery.  That's why they'll be searching high and low, which we understand, and which we accept.  And we'll just keep taking it one day at a time, having faith no matter what, and staying positive.

Rob - Yate's Cider Mill, Autumn 2012

Rob is doing pretty well!  He really enjoys conversing with friends (old and new) on facebook, sparring back and forth, testing each other's wits on everything from music to cartoons to films to serious topics.  He is still sleeping quite a bit, sometimes napping after being up for a while, usually always after showering, and always for 2-3 hours in the afternoon.  He gets out of the house now and again, but he tires very easily.

His hair is continuing to fill in, much grayer then before, but at least it's come back and his thick waves are rippled up the back.  Nice to see.  :)

There are major changes going on with me and my job, which is part of why I've been a bit absent here, too.  I know not all of you are on facebook with us, so here is a brief post I put up last week on my page:
  
Cheri Glass Stein

August 21

"Today I gave my two week notice at work... and it took everything in me to hold back the tears until I got back out to my car.
My co-workers are my family... They have held me, prayed for me, loved me, and helped me through so much in the three+ years I've been there, and my heart is breaking that I've had to make the decision to leave. But I had to.
I'm not able to work enough hours there to be able to pay my way in the world when I'm alone and having to face "that time." It's not anything I want to think about, but I've been in a panic trying to get all my ducks in a row. I haven't even been able to recover financially from having to take the time off work for Rob's surgery and recovery, not to mention having a reduced schedule for the four months of his chemo. And those billing people have no sense of humor when I send them crumbs rather than steaks.
So hopefully, I will be able to breathe a little easier with a better job choice with a financial future, benefits, and a chance to advance within the organization. I will work hard, because I want to, and because I have to.
I hate having to make these decisions. I am going to miss my fellow queens at the castle (Camelot), their laughter, their love... and so much more.
They are so important to me, and I love them all dearly. ♥"

 

So, you see, I've had to make changes... ones I am wishing I didn't have to make.  But as I told my boss, I can't have my world fall apart, and then try to figure out what to do.  For my sanity, and peace of mind, I need to have things in order NOW, so that when the time comes where I will fall apart, I will be able to pull myself up and carry on, as hard and as awful as it is to have to even consider.  

 

But I know me, and this is what I need right now.

 

Rob jokingly commented under my post writing, "Planning on my sudden demise, baby ?. Umm, you take the first bite of food from now on !!"  

 

-- to which I replied, "And Robert, dear, though I know you say these things all the time to me in jest with that glint in your eye, I'm not planning any such thing... I am dreading it, fearing it, cursing it... and quietly crying away the thought of it most days - regardless of how I'm handling it on the outside. I do love you, my gentle, Piper man...♥"

 

♥♥♥

 

Rob's sense of humor remains tightly intact, and is part of what makes him strong, and lets him deal with all he's had to go through, all he deals with daily, and all that is to come.  Too much 'all' for such a gentle soul.

 

Well, I am off to bed.  It's my last week at my old job, and I have to be up in a little over 4 hours.  

 

I'm going to try to post at least every Sunday evening to keep you all updated a bit more.  In the meantime, go out and enjoy these fleeting days of summer, and prepare your hearts for the beautiful Autumn that approaches... vistas of rolling hills filled with colorful trees, crunchy leaves for walking on and jumping in, cider and donuts, sweaters, fireplaces, and those wind-swirling Winnie-the-Pooh days that make life so much fun!  

 

It's my most favorite season of all! :)

 

 

In Love and In Peace,

 

Cheri ♥ 

Hello there (I say sheepishly...)

Hello there (I say sheepishly...).  

I know.  

I've been absent for a long time, and I apologize.  I get messages and notes filled with curiosity and compassion and worry.  Rob's okay right now.  :)

We've just been enjoying a little normal wherever we can find it for these summer weeks we're living in.  There have been NO doctor appointments or tests and I must say, we are enjoying that even more.

We celebrated Rob's 57th birthday with a great Mexican dinner and two nights of gathering with some family members and sharing laughter and moments of that normalcy I mentioned.  It was really nice.  

Life has been full with MUCH going on, and we're just temporarily getting lost in the shuffle of days and nights and commitments.

Rob is doing pretty well!  There are many good hours in his days, but still a few bumps.  He is continuing to struggle with overbearing headaches that, when they come, last for days.  And our OTC drugs don't seem to phase the pain very much.  If these were from chemo side effects, they should have worn off by now.  But whatever is causing them, at times he is struggling to remain above the pain.

Rob is still sleeping quite a bit, taking at least 2 hour naps on the good days, more on days when he's feeling a bit 'off', as he puts it.  Some days he tells me that he just doesn't feel right, and can't even pinpoint exactly what he means.  I worry quietly deep inside where I don't even realize it sometimes.  But it's always there.

We've had some major difficulties with some of our "medical professionals" not following through with things like they should.  We're phone-tag-fighting (so to speak) trying to get Rob's urostomy supplies covered.  And it seems one of the other "professional's" staff sent LOTS of lab work during the chemo months to labs that don't participate in the program Rob's covered in.  So, yes, bills are coming in that we can only sigh at between the hair-pulling and frantic calls to put out fires.  When I get home from work, it seems I'm on the phone taking notes, and making more calls, and moving from pile to pile depending on what real voice I can talk to.  I'm getting pretty good at one-sided conversations with phone systems.  The only problem is that nothing is ever accomplished other than my rising stress level.

Argh.

But I am not trying to complain, although when I read this over, it's what I'm seeing.  And I'm sorry about that.  I try to stay away from complaining.  I guess, it just leaks out here and there when I'm full.  I've been really full lately.  *sigh*

In all honesty, though, we are thankful that we have these days, and we know what a blessing time has become.  I know that everything will work out for good, now or later, and I need to just rest in that.  I do have faith that all will be well.  I think the fact that I'm hardly sleeping is adding to my ability to stay sane... at least temporarily.  :)

I've more to tell you of specific things that are blooming and being put to rest, but as of right now, by the time I wrap up this evening and quiet our home for the night, I'm only looking at about four hours of sleep before another work day begins... So I will bid you all a blessed evening, and a beautiful weekend of smiles and laughter and most of all, love. ♥

You are all in our hearts and prayers, as always.

In Love and amazingly wrapped in Peace,

Cheri ♥    

Very Quick Update

Well...

I drove to the surgeon's office on Friday since I couldn't get anyone on the phone at his office other than a recorded voice...  I don't seem to have the patience lately for those voices that don't talk back or call back in the time frame I find I need.  (I'm trying to work on the "patience" thing...)

Although the doctor had not gone over and signed off on the report, a couple of the nurses collectively decided to give me a copy of it because it was NEGATIVE!!! :)

Under the words "negative for cancer cells" it did say that there was mild, acute inflammation.  This could be from a number of things, including cell changes from the chemo (which we knew could happen prior to starting the treatments), to an infiltration of certain immune system cells involving WBC's.  They said the doctor would probably be calling us to go over it, and to discuss a possible date change for the next abdomen/pelvis CT scan... so we will wait for those details, and I'll keep you posted.

Until we hear anything to the contrary, we are holding strong onto the NEGATIVE results, and relaxing a bit for the remainder of the summer months!

We will be celebrating Rob's 57th birthday on Tuesday, just happy to be in the moment!

Have a blessed week, and know how thankful we are for all of you!


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

Deep in Thought

Hi.

Me again.

Buried and tired and trying to stay above the water line.  It's harder on some days than others.

Rob is doing okay!  He's still sleeping quite a bit, but when he's awake, he continues to become more of who I know.  More of who he knows.  It doesn't always last long, but it is there.  His hair continues to grow  --  it's getting hard to see his scalp through the fuzzy growth!  And the color continues to return, back to that rich, salt-n-pepper darkness that's his alone.

Love the smile in the sky. :)

I sit here in the quiet of the night, watching and listening to him sleep, as I wonder why I'm afraid to call for the pathology results.  I just don't want to do it yet.  But I will.  Maybe tomorrow, I breathe, as I have for the last two days.  We're both hoping for good news so we can re-learn how to relax again.  Even if for but a while.

We have been enjoying the beautifully cool late evening breezes, in the 50's, and feeling wonderful!  Refreshing and soothing and calming and crisp... and so good to sleep with it swirling softly around us.  Darby and Gypsy are enjoying it, too! 

(For those who don't know them, Darby is our Eeyore-ish 70-pound black-furred snuggly protector.  And Gypsy is our canine-wanna-be feline, who is spoiled rotten by the Robster.  Of course.  He is a gentle kitten inside himself, so I kind of understand the relationship.  Gypsy really tries to be good, but hasn't achieved perfection in that area yet.  I'm getting frustrated at finding my books and magazines with little teeth holes in the corners.  *Sigh*  There's no changing a cat!)

Please keep your prayers going for any hurt you see or hear about.  Prayers are SO powerful, SO life-changing... and SO needed by all.

Well, I'm going on hour 20 of being awake, and sleep is tugging at me... hard.  So I think I'm going to give in and be carried away, at least for a little while.

I pray God washes you in His peace and grace.  You just need to ask Him to.

This forgiven child knows.

Good night. :)

Cheri ♥