A New Day - Thank Goodness!

I didn't write at all yesterday and I apologize.  Rob is okay, we're well.  Just had a DAY.  One of those that I hope stays away from us...

It started out with my helping Rob get up and disconnected from things, only to have a connection give way all over me and the dog's bed.  It could have been worse, so I took a deep breath and continued on.

Rob's home care nurse came for her first of four visits... It was two hours long, but the paperwork is complete and the remaining ones should go much faster.  These nurses are angels to us, helping us to try and secure a supply source, and giving us confidence that it's going to be okay.

The day was mostly a quiet one for us both.  We slept a lot, watched some movies, and tried to get life back to normal, whatever that may be.  We're still working on it.  But the quiet is what worries me deep inside...  We can't drift into the quiet or we'll get lost.  So I was working on that, keeping Rob talking about things, and trying to make him smile.

Rob's systems are still not all functioning as before, and I know he is struggling with this, as well as all the changes  --  inside and out.  And moving the wrong way is really getting his attention now.  He's lost close to twenty pounds, but he's slowly getting his appetite back.  ("Eat, Santa, Eat!!!"  --  I've been saying this line from 'Rudolph' to Rob over and over!)

Then last night the motor for the boiler on our side of the apartment complex quit working.  Mind you.... it was snowing, and the temp outside was 0 degrees with a windchill of up to 25 below.  We called the new apartment manager, left two messages, and with his return call and visit an hour later, found out that indeed the motor was shot and they couldn't even attempt to get parts or work on it until morning.  Cold is not a big enough word.

I couldn't have Rob getting sick on top of everything else, so I cleaned off the car and ran up to Meijer to buy an electric room heater... twice.  The first time, when I went to pay, I realized my checkbook was at home on the pile of bills where I had been playing roulette-of-sorts trying to figure out who got paid and who didn't.  Arrgh!  So I asked the sweet gal to hold my cart, I drove like a crazed woman home and back, and finally swiped away a chunk of change I wasn't planning on, but thankful that we had.

Then I came home, and after having myself an angry box-throwing pity party while I put the heater together in tears, we had heat shortly after midnight.  

I am ashamed of myself...

Rob is already struggling not being able to do the things he wants to do, and I'm coming unglued at a cardboard box and heater.  Sheesh.  I had to stop and gather myself.  It's times like these that I need to seek God's strength and not try to do this on my own.  It's times when I stray away, like last night, and not seek His guidance, that I turn into someone I no longer want to be.

We laid down to sleep with our new heat source, and in quiet tears, I let it all go.  Each inhale was not my own, it was God gently blowing His peace and strength into me, to keep me going.  And as I helped Rob throughout the night when he would wake, the calm was back, the strength, the peace of your ever-present prayers washing over us both.

Thank you...
 
So it is a new day  --  and I am so thankful for that.  So thankful to have the opportunity to try again, to be better.  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

This was one of the first scriptures I memorized many moons ago, and it is what gets me back on track when the enemy puts obstacles in my way.  I need to be more focused so I can see.

Please pray for strength... especially for my Rob. ♥

In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥